We're driving home from taking family pictures. We went really far for really good reasons. This was our chance to reconnect to a friend from Atsugi, Japan. When we were in Japan with her, we wanted her to capture the girls and our new baby boy...but we were barely pulling ourselves back together and preparing to leave Japan, so we knew the timing was off; we thought that was it for us. Luckily, we were wrong!
It started with a few responses over Facebook, surprise to find her on this Coast and in San Diego. She told me to message her, she'd love to shoot my kids. And then Bradley got sick and the world faded into a tunnel vision of his health, holding the girls together, waiting for the necessary and somehow trying to hold fear at bay.
Bradley did a Ph Probe test on Dec 2nd, on the 5th, we knew he needed surgery. Two weeks later the surgeon finally saw him, forced him through another Upper GI - that left no doubt - so that he knew he needed surgery too. The surgeon wanted his Christmas break...but at least we had a date. Jan 6th.
We planned for the Holidays, and we just held our collective breath and prayed we'd get Bradley through and keep him out of the hospital until the 6th. The stress and the pressure hit our house hard. Sinus Infections ran through our house, so bad on Sydney she needed a second dose of different antibiotics to get her healthy. We held Bradley for at least forty minutes after each meal to fight against aspiration. We held him through the burning at night, we helped Sydney through her wicked cough to the point that Eric and I just realized that we haven't slept through the night since before Thanksgiving...pinpointing further than that would be depressing.
Christmas was a personal challenge to me. I listened carefully to hear what the girls truly were interested in this year. Acrylic paints and sewing, art and books. I didn't shop early, but efficiently. Knowing that their creative wells would be refilled, that books to fuel them were going to thrill them...I felt that anticipation of coming joy and excitement at what they would feel. We took them to their first candlelight mass, and I felt the joy of being together with my family in the Lord's house. The girls and their Faith, so beautiful to behold and so beautiful to be a part of.
New Year's Eve hit me with the start of a cold that made me hoarse...and left me full of dread. For reasons I can't possibly explain or understand myself; my determined optimism that carries me through most things, abandoned me completely. Bradley's surgery was daunting at best, the complications and ramifications were so overwhelming I found it difficult to talk about it, to think about it. My brave little girls held out until the night before, when I was supposed to be packing for the hospital. I put them to bed and barely left the room when I could hear sobbing. They are older, so this time they are much more aware of everything. Before they would miss us, and they would miss and worry about Bradley...but this time...they weren't even holding it together. A lot of talking, soothing, hugging, holding, all together to finally calm the girls and get them to sleep. Thank goodness for Facetime...our Sydney called us on that whenever she was free, and truth be told, her seeing us I think was the best medicine for her.
Even once we were home it has been a rough time. Bradley has been fighting food allergy rashes and diaper rashes and really hasn't felt very great. We almost cancelled our pictures a couple times based on how he was doing, but we always delayed. Somehow, it just seemed that it was important to take the pictures, to have the whole family in one shot again. So we went hoping to get lucky and get a great family picture of all us, and then if we were really lucky we'd get some other great ones too. We wanted the kids to play and hoped we'd get some magic too. It turned out that our first stop was at a park that Eric and I had used for Engagement pictures. We knew that we were headed to the same beach, but the same park was a sweet little addition. We walked down memory lane at the same time that we chased after three kids. Standing in the park we just grinned, and I couldn't help but be thrilled to know that great things had started at that park and now we'd brought our kids. After so many weeks of really rough days, it turned into one of those days. One of those days of smiles and laughter and it was worth the drive. It was a gift for us. Not everyone is thrilled to learn that they might be taking a picture of someone with an extra chromosome, a model that can prove a challenge. Yesterday, we had the pleasure of working with someone who felt honored to photograph Bradley and just enjoyed all the kids together. Can't wait to see the pictures! Can't wait for Jan 2014 to be remembered for the day in the park and at the beach - and let the surgery and illness become part of the background.
