October 31, 2017
Happy Halloween!!!!
Well, he did it! Dressed as Iron Man, and wearing the cool gloves but not the scary mask, Bradley trekked through several blocks of lit doorways where he loved knocking on the doors or just walking up and saying “Hi-lo!” He couldn’t quite handle saying “Trick or Treat” but we did get a few “ick” sounds, which was exciting. And every time he offered “Thank you” by sign with a little bit of a verbal “thank you” too. He worked super hard verbally. He worked super hard walking, going farther than ever, we were thrilled with his stamina! He made it up and down almost eight streets, that’s impressive! And then he worked super hard with his fine motor skills. You see he loved his gloves, we couldn’t believe he kept them on, but he did and he tried to take offered candy from hands or pick it up out of bowls. Working that pincer grasp is not for the faint of heart to be sure, but add in gloves and, oh goodness! Tough stuff indeed!
I watched my little boy work his way along the sidewalk, sometimes hesitant because of transitions with curbs, sometimes just perceived because of the light. He was concentrating pretty hard, had his little tongue out as he worked...a sure sign. Turns out, trick or treating is really hard work. If the costume isn’t the biggest issue, the walking, the hand coordination is another, beyond that is all the talking. Just so much talking! And if you’re a sensitive kiddo that gets overwhelmed and overrun by emotion, this evening’s events definitely puts him through the wringer. We haven’t even discussed all the different costumes that people were wearing. When it was all said and done and Bradley wanted up to be carried back to the car, he wanted to lay his head down but there were still too many interesting sights to view to turn off his visual curiousity.
If he missed his sisters he gave no indication. He was accepting of what he had in that moment, and what he had were mom and dad. Together, the three of us walked the streets and helped him try to say: “Trick or Treat” and made sure he signed “Thank you.” Bradley didn’t see a puppy he didn’t want to know, a baby he didn’t gravitate towards, or a person his size that he dodn’t want to be friends with. All in all, not a bad night.
As for his sisters, they might have a tougher road ahead than they thought. He was willing to mosey along without them. And yes mosey; his pace, not him trying to keep up with them. In terms of their future with him, they are going to have to find ways to connect with him if they want to be a big part of his life. Any part of his life. I think Bradley is showing that he will adapt, life is going to keep moving and he will move with it too.
It’s almost as if he is more than fully aware that their paths may lead far away from his, that he may not get to see them every day. And as a resilient little boy that has a stubborn streak that refuses to break...he takes all this in stride. Accepting what is right before him and not looking for what is lost or missing. At times I worry that he just doesn’t know, as if he isn’t aware they are gone, and should that be the case will he forget them when they go off to College and then head off into their lives? So I worry.
But then he lights up like a Christmas tree when he walked out of his classroom today and hugged Sydney. He hadn’t seen her since she left with me yesterday. And he clung to her, his cheek against hers as she spoiled him and carried him to the car. And when we picked up Madison and got home, he reached for her and sat on her lap on the couch watching Masha while Madison took a wee nap. Since then he has followed her non-stop, like her second shadow. Currently, they are at the kitchen table while she helps him eat a snack, and it’s not a popsicle. Smiles!
He cries when they leave him, like when they physically get out of a car, or he doesn’t get to walk into a house with them, but he doesn’t do too bad when they leave the house. And if he leaves them behind at the house, it doesn’t bother him a bit. He likes to be the one with the adventure. Don’t we all.
I think this month’s journey has been about really seeing this family and watching and noticing all the ways that the dynamics are changing. My children are growing up, all of them. My daughters are learning how to juggle more complications: friends, school, relationships. Madison is stepping into the world of dating, and at the same time she is flirting with driving, she is also taking on more responsibility for the care of her brother. And that is huge. Sydney is starting to take on more of her brother too, stepping into that role of baby sitter that all older siblings eventually take on, whether they like it or not. Each of them is starting to juggle the demands of life, and the desires of being with their brother and their family vs. wanting to be with everyone else too. And Bradley, Bradley is finding his place in this world, in his class, with friends, and in his family. He is making choices and deciding parts of his daily life he wasn’t interested in before, and it’s truly a beautiful thing to watch unfold. With a little more time together, I like to think that he and the girls will cement the foundation that the rest of their lives will stand on, that their relationship tomorrow will be stronger for what they can create in these little moments. I can only hope that whenever and where ever they go, no matter for how long, that when they return his arms will open and he will reach for them and love them with as much joy as he loves them now. That even if his brain falters from time to time, love for them will never fade, that somehow he will hold onto all the memories of them that tie them to his heart and mind.
Every October is an incredible journey, not much different from month to month really, but taking the time to document, to talk about our life for a whole month, that creates an incredible journey in our house. In a world of perfection, admitting how imperfect our life is can be daunting, but also incredibly freeing. There is no perfection here, and yet, if one were to take the time to look close -there is a certain amount of perfection in our imperfect life and family. Our life works, and though there may be some negatives, there is this truth: I would not change this life for anything. I know all the way down to my soul that I have been given the greatest gifts by being wife to this man and mom to these three kids...all the animals I’m not so sure about...but why quibble over details, especially furry ones.
For those who have joined me on this month long journey, thank you so much. I couldn’t do it without you. To my family, your patience was surprisingly great this time. And Eric, you read it all, you quietly go about your business and I never know whether you think it rubbish or poetry, but you remain a fan and still love me through it all. Thanks for that. Thank you for loving me, thank you for choosing me and becoming my better half twenty years ago, come November 8th. You are my greatest Blessing and through you we created Us, and three truly amazing kids. Thank you, thank you for all of it and more! I do love you!
Goodbye October. So closes my 31 For 21 Blog Challenge for Acceptance and Awareness of Down syndrome. It’s always the most amazing journey, thanks for riding along!
