Keeping Failure in Perspective

Not sure what the fascination is with the DVD and VHS cases that draws kids, but it's similar to flies to honey, or ants to any room in our house right now.  Just know, that's a lot of ants and a lot of hassle.  But that's really here nor there, the idea here is this: little kids love to pillage the orderly and prettily organized shelves that we have painstakingly spent the time to alphabetize and organize in a way that quickly makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.  It's a gift and in their minds it is their right.  And perhaps it is a right of passage.  Both my girls did it, so it's a good thing that my son has moved into his rightful place as heir to the chaos that we call our Video Tower.  Here's a problem though - where the girls were told over and over to stop and they got it; Bradley is not as great at catching on so quickly.  A lot more No's involved and I don't enjoy that.  Especially since he'll pretend utter distraction by something else then I'll look over and he's up to his elbows in the Blue-Ray drawer.  Grr... 

Being a true fan of Mickey Mouse, Bradley seems thrilled by the introduction of the Christmas movies that we let the kids start after Thanksgiving.  Just as his older sister used to request the Mickey Mouse Christmas movies over and over and over and over....and well, over...you get the idea, I see that in him as well.  That gives me comfort.  I want to believe that I can encourage his brain to grow and to help him become as smart as he can be so that he can go as far as he could possibly want to go in his life.  I watch him now and I don't always see the unable parts of him, I try to always focus on the able parts.  I want to see him for who he is and not dwell on who he might not be able to be.  I try not to let other's accomplishments make me start pushing him; and that's not so easy let me tell you.  I learn that another kid at 4 with Down syndrome, knows her ABC's and I recognize that his strengths are right along those gender biased lines that make him great at his Gross motor skills.  He can stack the blocks, throw the balls, kick them, kick the blocks...but as for ABCs...well, sometimes I can get the first three sounds...does that count?  I mean how can the little boy say his ABCs when he isn't even verbal yet?  It makes me want to push him to learn them so I know he at least recognizes them; but is that what I should be doing?  My girls didn't learn their ABCs till they were 4, so I have been brushing along that same plan...I mean a plan of some kind is better than no plan, right?  So in theory yes; however, Bradley has to start things earlier than we did with the girls if he can learn them somewhere along the same timelines.   I realized last week that he is about a year or more behind other kids his age - already.  A little guy who is ten months younger than Bradley was vastly developed past my little guy.  I'm not sure it would have bothered me so much, if even at all if there hadn't been such an interest in the typically developing little boys that my daughters' so eagerly wanted to play with.  I couldn't help but wonder where I've gone wrong with them.  They ignored their brother and considered it punishment to have to play with him for a few minutes while their Dad and I helped out with the meal prep and clean-up.  It was the worst half hour of my daughter's life, and that was all I asked for. 
 
I spent the day taking turns with my husband taking care of Bradley.  We were his playmates while our girls played with the others.  And it gets worse, mine were the oldest, they were the ones setting the examples.  And the example was that it was okay to ignore the little boy that is different.  And I thought about all the readings I have done, all the research into how to help siblings with someone with special needs in their lives.  How some kids rise to the occasion to be staunch defenders, exceptional advocates that love their siblings...and then there are those that comment that when they went off to college it was like they were finally free.  Some didn't even mention that they had a sibling that is different, embarassment or their own need for normalcy doesn't matter so much really when the need was there.  Because Bradley has so many health issues and the girls are so young, I don't put a lot of pressure on the girls to learn to care for their brother. When they ask I teach, but I don't assign them a job, I don't tell Madison to go vent her brother; don't ask her to change his diaper all that much either.  When she says she wants too, I let her go.  Once school started their desire to play with their brother changed too.  No longer is it fun or cool to play with Bradley...or rather, if they can be crazy and take over his toys then they want to play, but if they have to let him play with his toy - well, they aren't interested.  Again, where did this go so wrong?  Do I think they love him, yes, I do.  But now I worry about it, I worry about them, I worry about Bradley.  There are others in our family who aren't interested in having anything to do with Bradley, and I feel sorry for them, but everyone must make their own choices regarding this situation.  I try to keep him around the people that love him and want to be with him.  That's not to different than for any of us is it?  I want to be with the people that want me there.  There are some who could care less if I am part of the group or not, I don't want to be there.  I want to be where people are happy by my presence, that's what I want for my son. 
 
So I'm trying to keep this in perspective.  In another year, Bradley will have almost a whole year of pre-school under his belt and all the learning and developing that comes with it.  Who knows, he might even be more verbal by then, if not he'll be a little better at expressing himself through his signs rather than just responding to me or Dad.  Perhaps he'll be conversing with the girls by then and they'll feel more connected to him.  And he and I are working on that alphabet and that potty training (for him, not me...I've managed both thanks!) so we'll just have to see. 
 
I'm hoping this is just a phase, a single day of an epic fail that will not be a part of the lifetime they can have with their brother.  Eric and I will be with him every step of the way, God willing that is for a good, long time. 
 
 
 
 
 

It's About Independence!

November 10, 2012

Bradley has been showing signs of interest in this whole potty training thing.  We know that this can be quite a huge struggle and then triumph for any kid, but especially our little guy.  So we got him a potty to get him familiar with what it is and take away all the weirdness of the thing…well as much as you can anyway.  He seems to like it and to be interested enough in it that he sits down every night on it just before he gets into his bath.  But we’ve noticed the potty has some flaws, like maybe it wasn’t meant for little girls more than little boys.  Yeah sure, they say it is for boys too and even include a diagram on how to use for little boys in order to prevent overflow…but um…yeah, it takes a special yoga position to get parts in the right place that would keep the stream in the pot.  And as I am a girl and have successfully potty trained two girls, I am a little unsure about training a little boy… I mean, does guiding the hose hurt, or is that the idea behind this tiny opening for boys, if you guide the hose down will he then shoot down and not out of the potty?   I’m willing to be the consistency beacon on this mission, but I think that Eric should be taking point on this; I mean it only seems fair.  That’s like our deal that when it comes time to have, you know, “The Talk” I told Eric I would handle the girls and he gets to have the boys.  That was when we first got together though, before I learned I would be handling Algebra and “The Talk” twice.  He only has to have it once, and we aren’t even sure how much of “the Talk” he has to have with Bradley or when.  But that is a conversation for another day, years down the road. Whereas, Madison will be having her “Welcome to Puberty Movie” in April and she and I will have to have some version of “the Talk” over Spring Break.  So yeah, I’m putting Eric on this boy potty Point thing.  So back to this potty thing, this strange potty shape that is leaving us baffled is not hypercritical; after all, we’re just starting. 

So last night before bath we get him stripped down and the girls come running, “We want to see Bradley go peepee in the potty for the first time!”  We’ve had him sitting down before the bath every night for about ten days now. 

The Realist in my thought, well…that’s gonna take a while.  But I merely said, “Well, don’t be disappointed if it’s not tonight, we’re just getting started, but come on in.” 

We sat him down, should have worried more about that yoga positioning, and I said to him, “Want to go peepee in the potty Bradley?” 

Would you believe he did?  And would you also believe that we were so shocked that neither of us even tried to stem the flow by moving him around.  One: it was just “Wow, he’s going”.  And then it was, Two: “HE’S GOING!”  don’t mess up a good thing! 

So we cheered and we fist bumped and we hugged him and as unobtrusively as possible Dad and I both wiped a tear or two away, cause believe it or not…this is just that big! 

Will he go again tonight?  Don’t know, but we know he has, and that opens the door of optimism.  Perhaps with enough repetition and work we can get this potty training under control before he starts school.  Will he be going to school in big boy pants?  Geesh, who knows?  I didn’t think he’d even go yet, so who knows what he’s going to do tomorrow.  But I know that I’m pretty proud of him right now.  And I feel like every other parent with their kid starting their first foray into being independent in the bathroom.  It’s about being his own person, about being able to move a step away from mom and dad.  This is huge for every kid, it doesn’t matter how many chromosomes you have when you do it.  J 

Bradley the Computer Hacker!!!

Welcome November! 

November would usually bring in the rain, cooler temps, you know something that let's us here; even in Southern California, know that Winter is actually considering coming to our part of the country.  Boiling today outside leads me to believe that winter has decided to hound the East Coast and thinks we are insignificant on the West Coast.  And the East Coast has been hit hard of late, we're still praying for those affected. 

So the kids have been sick.  Sydney had a Sinus Infection, then Madison had a Virus, and now Bradley has some sort of something that is of course complicated and not easily treated...wouldn't want to be different by any means.  The positive side of all this is that so far, (knocking on my head in lieu of wood) we haven't had to change his feeding schedule.  Instead, he has taken to a 3am wake-up call for me.  Not that he's crying or anything, instead he stands up in the crib and starts banging the feeding machine and pole against his crib.  I wake up to this tapping coming from the baby monitor.  All goes well, I get him back down then head back to bed, hopefully before Eric and I pass in the Hall as he goes in to turn him off at 5am...some mornings this has been close enough we've had to adjust alarms or just turn him off early.  It's a little hard to think straight in the middle of the night; these are bigger decisions than one would think - well, in the middle of the night anyway. 

In the midst of this - when not in the middle of hacking away; poor baby, Bradley has been quite extraordinary; in good ways and bad.  Where to start?  We use sign with him, I try to give him every sign I know if I say it - sometimes he understands and sometimes he answers back.  So we're getting Bradley ready for bed, he's out of the bath and getting dried and dressed.  I put his shirt on him, then he's holding his pants.  So I ask him (all of the words I used signs for I'll put in brackets), "Do you [want] to put your pants [on]?" 

Bradley laughs and is busy throwing his pants at me.  I said, "[Help] [Mommy] put them [on]." 
He starts making the sign for [car] to which I laugh and said, "[No] [car] pants [on]." 
He signs car to me again and I laugh I realized that he tossed his pants with the police cars and fire trucks on them, so I laugh and go, "Oh, you want the [cars] [on]!" 
Bradley laughs at me and points at me like, "Now you're getting it Mom!" 

So that was the good part of Bradley's antics.  Then there was today.  I went into the kitchen trying to clean the floor, I hear no more Dinosaur toy in the living room with Bradley, so I peek around the corner and can't see him.  Look over the couch and see him on squatting on something...hmm...  closer look.  He's standing on top of my laptop.  Clever little turkey found my laptop, opened it, laid it on the floor, then stood on it.  I rescued the laptop and check to see that he has somehow managed to copy the entire Desktop in order to make duplicate files there so that now there are left to right, top to bottom full! 

So I fix that issue, then I go back to finish the floor.  I come back in and attack the laundry.  I manage to get it all folded and start putting it away - I walk back into the living room and I see all of Eric's clothes on the floor....grrrr..... let me refold all those clothes and then put them away...  I finally get them all folded and start putting the rest of the clothes into the rooms they belong in.  I come back in after I make my bed and put some of my clothes away, only to find that same little turkey now sitting up on MY DESK!  He's sitting cross-legged in front of the desktop monitor, holding the mouse in his hand.  The camera for the computer is GONE - lost behind the monitor.  And then there is the monitor. 

Now to tell you the rest of this story, let me just say that this is not the first time Bradley has attacked the computer on the desk.  In fact, not too long ago he managed to turn the Display on the Monitor 90 degrees to the left - with just the mouse.  So when Eric got home, he fixed that.  So fast forward to today.  Same position for Bradley, in front of the computer, and new position for the Display.  He managed to turn the Display completely upside down!  Good grief!! 

So I took a picture and I sent it to Eric at work, then I told him "Now you know why this house is so messy all the time...and why it's gonna stay that way!"  HAHA.... 

Ah Bradley...you keep life interesting!  These were your stories today!  I got some of Madison's and Sydney's stories waiting for another day! 

Have a great night!