Bradley sacked out once, then woke as Eric went to put him down, and then sacked out for the second time and it looks like the final time...not too bad actually, not even ten yet. This might be a record for him. It's great for Eric and I, we might get to lie comfortably in bed and pretend to sleep, rather than sit up for hours while we don't pretend at all. Pretending is not sleeping, but the bed is more comfortable than my rocking chair.
Tomorrow, we take Bradley to Rady's...the jury is out on whether I like this place or not. Some times it seems okay, some times, it is just the nightmare that never wakes me up. Some of the people there are the epitome of those you want taking care of your child and some you just want to strangle. And I mean that in a less than totally violent way, they're just plain mean and should not work anywhere around kids. We're meeting a new Pediatric GI tomorrow, she's going to sedate my son and take a look in his Esophagus to see what exactly that pipe is doing. This is potentially momentous, and yet doesn't feel like it. If Bradley's issues are strictly motility...well, then...yeah, we don't know either. Not sure that there is anything that can correct or help that,,,that path looks quite murky from this end right now. But if Bradley's issues are more in line with the Fundoplication being too tight, well I guess that path is a little clearer, though hilly and full landmines. The other side? Yeah, it curves too much, we can't even begin to pretend to see the other side of that one.
So on an already emotional day, September 11th, rest in peace all our heroes lost that day...I will sit again trying to find my breath and praying. Sedations do not get easier with practice, waiting does not get easier with practice. Pretending that you have everything under control? That is the only part that gets easier. Staying in control when standing before a doctor and they give you good or bad news, that comes easier. Joy is held in check because it is held close to your heart and is so fragile any loud celebration could shatter it. Shock and fear are so huge that you just give them their space and hold it all together until you are alone, then you can let it free. Bradley is four and a half, strong emotions set him off, it's important to make things easier for him. It's important not to set him off.
So Bradley fans, I will keep you updated. The procedure takes about an hour, then there are the go to sleep and wake up times, then the recovery...always the dreaded recovery. Always the moment when one of us gets to go to him and one of us has to wait, Rady's sucks because of this. Dread, the feeling of impotence. If you pray, please hold Bradley there, if you meditate, whatever your inspiration, please hold Bradley close tomorrow. And we say thank you!
Good night all, have a safe night, a safer tomorrow. Remember, we are One Nation Under God! Be kinder than you need to be, be as humbled as we should always be, and as you remember the Fallen, hold their families in your hearts and prayers. God Bless!
