I started this Blog to raise awareness about Down syndrome, so I write about Bradley a lot. But I thought it would tell Bradley's story if I told the story of our family, the parents who are trying to make our way through this sometimes minefield like journey...and the two little girls that make every day a better day. Often I write about Sydney, because well let's face it, she is one funny little kid. Her laughter brings so much joy. In the midst of some of our toughest days, she manages to bring a spark of laughter that helps us get through to the next day, and sometimes, just the next moment. But today, I want to write about my Oldest. She gets more embarrassed and yet, she really likes it when I write about her, when I talk about her. Madison is ten years old, she's vivacious, her passion for life is this ever present flow of energy that if we could harness it, we could power a large town. Madison tackles life like it was placed before her to be tackled. She sees the good in every person, and until someone takes the time to point out the flaws...she doesn't see them. Her love of life is only rivaled by her love of her family. I worry sometimes that she will leave us all behind and pretend we are a mere bad dream...but I think sometimes I am projecting only my fears for tomorrow. I know that she is a typical 10 year old, in one instant she is capable of incredible selfishness; and yet, in the next moment I will see such incredible selflessness in her actions, such purity of love that it overwhelms me. She desperately wants to be good, to be the perfect kid. We try to tell her if she would stop trying so hard, she'd be there. She exhausts herself with her attempts and then falls off the proverbial cliff of poor judgement and then berates herself with such ferocity that it worries me and I constantly have to talk her down.
There are times I see myself in Madison, but mostly I see her Dad. She is a neat freak, she is truly an organized soul - that's her Dad. When things are disorganized or change comes, she struggles. But if you tell her what is coming, she can prepare and be ready. She has been admirable with regards to her brother. So little of our life is open for planning. We don't plan vacations or special trips to Disneyland because the finances have not been there true, but the health of her brother on any given day let's us know if we can venture out or not. At first we thought it best not to get her hopes up, but we've learned that sometimes she is happiest knowing the intent was there, and she has yet to blame her brother for the changing of plans.
And she is so much braver than her mother ever was or ever will be. Although I can say that having children brings out the mother bear in a mom, I will fight the battles I might have walked away from before. In fact, I will choose the battle that will teach the best moral lesson and those I will fight for my kids to see, win or lose. I want them to be fighters, I think in this world they have to be able to fight for themselves or else they will be lost. With this in mind, I try to temper the information I give Madison to help her through any tough situation at school. When she was being picked on last year I took it as a teaching moment, helping her to find the words, the actions that would strengthen her as a person and protect her from the jealous boy that hated that a girl could throw a football better than him. Our lessons were things like: you can cry on the inside, but don't let them see you cry at school. When the boy called her stupid and said nobody cared about her, she could tell him he was wrong, there were a lot of people who cared about her. I dug deep to try to reach through this boy's voice to make sure Madison could hear mine, and could hear her own. One bad day came after the story of the eleven year old that hung herself for being bullied. I will always remember sitting Madison up in the back of the Explorer and there, eye-to-eye I told her how important she was and how unimportant this boy was to her life. Yeah, maybe telling her that this little boy was so insignificant compared to her was not the PC thing to say by me; but well, at the time it was all she needed to hear and to know. Knowing that this jealous little boy means absolutely nothing to her life and is nothing in comparison to how great she is;well that made her stop crying then. The next day she talked back to him and walked away; "It hurt on the inside mom, but I didn't let him see it." And I hugged and told her I was proud of her. We finally interceded with the school when the boy chose to use profanity, as we felt the teasing had moved to abusive - the school moved swiftly from then and she no longer had trouble with this boy.
But at ten years old, troubles don't stop there. This year a new boy was her best friend for the first half of the year; but word came down from some girlfriends that he was talking mean behind her back. Madison had been devastated that this boy "liked" another girl, but had been comforted that they were still best friends, but now to know he wasn't a true friend; well...the tears came and came. Putting mom in a tough spot. The girls that told Madison this news are not the nicest of friends; and yet, these girls were exhibiting some strong loyalty towards Madison, unhappy that this boy would do this to her. Oh the ends and outs of trying to understand ten year old girls! I should have paid more attention when I was one! Grr... Anyhow, I told Madison that maybe she should ask the boy, and if it were true to tell him she thought they were friends, and now she'll stay away from him. Little did I know she'd do it. She confronted the boy, he was too shocked to lie, and she walked away telling him that she wouldn't bother him anymore. Wowee wow wow! I am quite certain that at ten years old I would never have confronted someone like that. I was so proud of her! I still am! Somehow I am teaching her to stand up for herself, something I didn't do for myself till I was well into High School. I'm trying not to consider how many ways this could backfire on me, for now I am just really thrilled that she has such a strong spine in her body.
My daughter has her issues to work through. She's really obsessive right now. Not sure where it comes from or how to fix it, but it's the Rubik's Cube I'm working on right now. I'm hoping to help her through it to a healthier mind frame, but maybe it's supposed to fix itself. Because I'm not sure, I'll do the research into it and then see what answers I get. But I know I love this kid and always will. She carries as much of my heart as her brother and her sister; whatever work needs to be done, we'll get through it together!
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