Not sure what the fascination is with the DVD and VHS cases that draws kids, but it's similar to flies to honey, or ants to any room in our house right now. Just know, that's a lot of ants and a lot of hassle. But that's really here nor there, the idea here is this: little kids love to pillage the orderly and prettily organized shelves that we have painstakingly spent the time to alphabetize and organize in a way that quickly makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. It's a gift and in their minds it is their right. And perhaps it is a right of passage. Both my girls did it, so it's a good thing that my son has moved into his rightful place as heir to the chaos that we call our Video Tower. Here's a problem though - where the girls were told over and over to stop and they got it; Bradley is not as great at catching on so quickly. A lot more No's involved and I don't enjoy that. Especially since he'll pretend utter distraction by something else then I'll look over and he's up to his elbows in the Blue-Ray drawer. Grr...
Being a true fan of Mickey Mouse, Bradley seems thrilled by the introduction of the Christmas movies that we let the kids start after Thanksgiving. Just as his older sister used to request the Mickey Mouse Christmas movies over and over and over and over....and well, over...you get the idea, I see that in him as well. That gives me comfort. I want to believe that I can encourage his brain to grow and to help him become as smart as he can be so that he can go as far as he could possibly want to go in his life. I watch him now and I don't always see the unable parts of him, I try to always focus on the able parts. I want to see him for who he is and not dwell on who he might not be able to be. I try not to let other's accomplishments make me start pushing him; and that's not so easy let me tell you. I learn that another kid at 4 with Down syndrome, knows her ABC's and I recognize that his strengths are right along those gender biased lines that make him great at his Gross motor skills. He can stack the blocks, throw the balls, kick them, kick the blocks...but as for ABCs...well, sometimes I can get the first three sounds...does that count? I mean how can the little boy say his ABCs when he isn't even verbal yet? It makes me want to push him to learn them so I know he at least recognizes them; but is that what I should be doing? My girls didn't learn their ABCs till they were 4, so I have been brushing along that same plan...I mean a plan of some kind is better than no plan, right? So in theory yes; however, Bradley has to start things earlier than we did with the girls if he can learn them somewhere along the same timelines. I realized last week that he is about a year or more behind other kids his age - already. A little guy who is ten months younger than Bradley was vastly developed past my little guy. I'm not sure it would have bothered me so much, if even at all if there hadn't been such an interest in the typically developing little boys that my daughters' so eagerly wanted to play with. I couldn't help but wonder where I've gone wrong with them. They ignored their brother and considered it punishment to have to play with him for a few minutes while their Dad and I helped out with the meal prep and clean-up. It was the worst half hour of my daughter's life, and that was all I asked for.
I spent the day taking turns with my husband taking care of Bradley. We were his playmates while our girls played with the others. And it gets worse, mine were the oldest, they were the ones setting the examples. And the example was that it was okay to ignore the little boy that is different. And I thought about all the readings I have done, all the research into how to help siblings with someone with special needs in their lives. How some kids rise to the occasion to be staunch defenders, exceptional advocates that love their siblings...and then there are those that comment that when they went off to college it was like they were finally free. Some didn't even mention that they had a sibling that is different, embarassment or their own need for normalcy doesn't matter so much really when the need was there. Because Bradley has so many health issues and the girls are so young, I don't put a lot of pressure on the girls to learn to care for their brother. When they ask I teach, but I don't assign them a job, I don't tell Madison to go vent her brother; don't ask her to change his diaper all that much either. When she says she wants too, I let her go. Once school started their desire to play with their brother changed too. No longer is it fun or cool to play with Bradley...or rather, if they can be crazy and take over his toys then they want to play, but if they have to let him play with his toy - well, they aren't interested. Again, where did this go so wrong? Do I think they love him, yes, I do. But now I worry about it, I worry about them, I worry about Bradley. There are others in our family who aren't interested in having anything to do with Bradley, and I feel sorry for them, but everyone must make their own choices regarding this situation. I try to keep him around the people that love him and want to be with him. That's not to different than for any of us is it? I want to be with the people that want me there. There are some who could care less if I am part of the group or not, I don't want to be there. I want to be where people are happy by my presence, that's what I want for my son.
So I'm trying to keep this in perspective. In another year, Bradley will have almost a whole year of pre-school under his belt and all the learning and developing that comes with it. Who knows, he might even be more verbal by then, if not he'll be a little better at expressing himself through his signs rather than just responding to me or Dad. Perhaps he'll be conversing with the girls by then and they'll feel more connected to him. And he and I are working on that alphabet and that potty training (for him, not me...I've managed both thanks!) so we'll just have to see.
I'm hoping this is just a phase, a single day of an epic fail that will not be a part of the lifetime they can have with their brother. Eric and I will be with him every step of the way, God willing that is for a good, long time.
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