We're fast approaching March 6th which is the day to stand up and take a stand against the R-Word. It's one of those big days, one of those moments that you get to be surprised by those that take a moment to take a pledge to stop using the hurtful words Retard and Retarded. I am hoping for the day to come when the word is no longer used at all - I am praying that it's in my lifetime.
With all the things that we worry about with Bradley: his health, his cognitive abilities, his future...we know that there is also the moment that will come when the word will drop and he will be old enough to not only understand it and feel the pain from it. I think back to the moment that I was told my son had Down syndrome, I felt the slicing pain of knowing that my son would not be like other little boys. At the time it seemed important, that he wouldn't be like other kids. Odd really, my girls really aren't all the same as the girls in their classes and I am grateful - but at that moment, it seemed like everything. But never once did I hear the R-word in my head or my heart...but I saw the medical use of the word in the readings. Reading the clinical use of it was just as painful to me as if someone had said it about him, or to describe him. We were lucky, our midwife and her crew wrapped us up in a protective cocoon and made sure that nothing but support and love walked in our room. There are times now that when I look back I wish I were there again. I sometimes wish we were still wrapped in their comforting "arms" and had no idea how much Bradley would go through in the next three years. I want to take all the loving people that wrapped around us and use them as a shield between Bradley and those that will not see him for who he is, but will look at him as nothing but a diagnosis.
Some would argue that these fears of mine are a clear indication that we should keep Bradley secluded from the other kids at school. That maybe we shouldn't fight for inclusion. But let's face it, hiding from it won't protect him, it will only restrict him and keep him from expanding his brain and the scope of the life he should live. So we want to be settled into a place that we can make into a home and let him grow up with the same kids, the same schools and be a familiar face to them to the point that his natural personality can start to emerge. We've seen how hard it is for our girls to blend in as the new kids, we want them settled too. Our ten year old has experienced bullying at school. She is a lover of sports and is quite adept at them - this has proven a bone of contention with some of the boys that don't appreciate a girl having more skill than them. I can't help but wonder what lies ahead for them, and if they have it rough, what then lies ahead for Bradley?
It comes down to this, he has enough to fight with his health, his challenges...so we have to fight this battle too - end the use of the R-word. We have to fight to help people understand that words are weapons as much as we wish otherwise. Words carry meaning, but the emotion and intent behind the words are what put the pain behind the action. By bringing awareness to the word, we bring awareness to the pain the word brings. Let that be one pain my son never feels...take a stand with us and stop the use of the word.
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