Capturing a Moment

We're driving home from taking family pictures.  We went really far for really good reasons.  This was our chance to reconnect to a friend from Atsugi, Japan.  When we were in Japan with her, we wanted her to capture the girls and our new baby boy...but we were barely pulling ourselves back together and preparing to leave Japan, so we knew the timing was off; we thought that was it for us.  Luckily, we were wrong!

It started with a few responses over Facebook, surprise to find her on this Coast and in San Diego.  She told me to message her, she'd love to shoot my kids.  And then Bradley got sick and the world faded into a tunnel vision of his health, holding the girls together, waiting for the necessary and somehow trying to hold fear at bay.

Bradley did a Ph Probe test on Dec 2nd, on the 5th, we knew he needed surgery.  Two weeks later the surgeon finally saw him, forced him through another Upper GI - that left no doubt - so that he knew he needed surgery too.   The surgeon wanted his Christmas break...but at least we had a date.  Jan 6th.

We planned for the Holidays, and we just held our collective breath and prayed we'd get Bradley through and keep him out of the hospital until the 6th.  The stress and the pressure hit our house hard.  Sinus Infections ran through our house, so bad on Sydney she needed a second dose of different antibiotics to get her healthy.  We held Bradley for at least forty minutes after each meal to fight against aspiration.  We held him through the burning at night, we helped Sydney through her wicked cough to the point that Eric and I just realized that we haven't slept through the night since before Thanksgiving...pinpointing further than that would be depressing.

Christmas was a personal challenge to me.  I listened carefully to hear what the girls truly were interested in this year.  Acrylic paints and sewing, art and books.  I didn't shop early, but efficiently.  Knowing that their creative wells would be refilled, that books to fuel them were going to thrill them...I felt that anticipation of coming joy and excitement at what they would feel.  We took them to their first candlelight mass, and I felt the joy of being together with my family in the Lord's house.  The girls and their Faith, so beautiful to behold and so beautiful to be a part of.

New Year's Eve hit me with the start of a cold that made me hoarse...and left me full of dread.  For reasons I can't possibly explain or understand myself; my determined optimism that carries me through most things, abandoned me completely.  Bradley's surgery was daunting at best, the complications and ramifications were so overwhelming I found it difficult to talk about it, to think about it.  My brave little girls held out until the night before, when I was supposed to be packing for the hospital.  I put them to bed and barely left the room when I could hear sobbing.  They are older, so this time they are much more aware of everything.  Before they would miss us, and they would miss and worry about Bradley...but this time...they weren't even holding it together.  A lot of talking, soothing, hugging, holding, all together to finally calm the girls and get them to sleep.  Thank goodness for Facetime...our Sydney called us on that whenever she was free, and truth be told, her seeing us I think was the best medicine for her.

Even once we were home it has been a rough time.  Bradley has been fighting food allergy rashes and diaper rashes and really hasn't felt very great.  We almost cancelled our pictures a couple times based on how he was doing, but we always delayed.  Somehow, it just seemed that it was important to take the pictures, to have the whole family in one shot again.  So we went hoping to get lucky and get a great family picture of all us, and then if we were really lucky we'd get some other great ones too.  We wanted the kids to play and hoped we'd get some magic too.  It turned out that our first stop was at a park that Eric and I had used for Engagement pictures.  We knew that we were headed to the same beach, but the same park was a sweet little addition.  We walked down memory lane at the same time that we chased after three kids.  Standing in the park we just grinned, and I couldn't help but be thrilled to know that great things had started at that park and now we'd brought our kids.  After so many weeks of really rough days, it turned into one of those days.  One of those days of smiles and laughter and it was worth the drive.  It was a gift for us.  Not everyone is thrilled to learn that they might be taking a picture of someone with an extra chromosome, a model that can prove a challenge.  Yesterday, we had the pleasure of working with someone who felt honored to photograph Bradley and just enjoyed all the kids together.  Can't wait to see the pictures!  Can't wait for Jan 2014 to be remembered for the day in the park and at the beach - and let the surgery and illness become part of the background.

Thanksgiving to Christmas, a Mere Hop Between

It feels like we just had Thanksgiving and now Christmas is a mere day away, how does that happen exactly?  We were waiting for Bradley to be put into the hospital for an overnight PH Probe test.  We enjoyed Thanksgiving with the family and then Friday we were on the phone with Bradley’s Peds GI not sure we were going to make it through the weekend.  But we finally got him in on the Monday after Thanksgiving.  He hated the probe, the insertion into his nose and down his throat made him gag for almost half an hour until the Versed they gave him finally started taking effect about a half an hour too late.  But he slept well for a couple hours and woke up in barely enough time to hug daddy before he had to leave to get back to pick up the girls from school.  They spent the evening together battling homework and pre-teen hormones, but all in all, it worked out well. 

Meanwhile, Bradley and I spent the evening quietly, trying to keep that probe in place and keep him as comfortable as possible.  Mind you he’d been without his Prevacid for almost five days, so you can imagine how comfortable he wasn’t.  His esophagus had some serious burning going on and getting comfortable was a challenge, staying comfortable was a bigger challenge and sleeping was pretty much a joke.  Thank God it was only overnight.  He had a couple episodes of gagging but nothing like what we’d had the Friday before.

Course, I shouldn’t have worried, he was refluxing quite a bit even without big episodes and that put the GI on the surgery route, but we had to wait for the surgeon of course.  So we waited and finally were called for the appointment to see him.  Over two weeks after the Probe Test we got in for the consult, where we learned that the surgeon hadn’t gone through all the notes he’d been sent.  So starting from scratch we felt like we were trying to plead a case without the necessary information to formulate a plan on our own.  He started suggesting that diet changes might be in order or that perhaps he needs a G/J tube rather than the G-Tube, to which I was completely against.  I tried to point out that we are on our way off the G-Tube, that we’re trying to wean away and don’t need to be weaning him back to a new feeding tube.   The surgeon decided that he needed another Upper GI because the little refluxing he had seen in the first Upper GI was not beyond normal.  He also tried to tell us that Bradley could throw up if he had too, and I had to respectfully disagree.  When Bradley has had the flu all he can do is gag and retch, he cannot throw up.  I was either convincing or he felt bad for not having read through the PH Probe notes that had been sent to him because he  sent us over to the hospital for another Upper GI.  We were stunned that we were able to get in the same day.  But Bradley’s surgeon is the top dog in the surgery department and is planning a vacation…so he has some clout.   

   

As with his first Upper GI, Bradley looked pretty good throughout.  His Peds GI let us know that at the end he saw the reflux that sent us to the Probe test.  This time, the pictures took a little longer and the Radiologist who said “I don’t see anything concerning” then asked to take another set of pictures because he thought he saw something at the end that he didn’t like.  He did.  His new comment was: “Now that’s concerning.”   Bradley was refluxing all the way up, as in a solid line of black where his white esophagus had been only a few minutes before. 

Two days later, the surgeon called and we have a surgery date set for Bradley.  The surgeon is gone for the Holidays; of course, so the first Monday he comes back he’ll perform surgery on January 6^th.  The wrap seems to be intact around Bradley’s Esophagus, but there is movement and quite probably a hiatal hernia that is pushing up through the sutures.  This time the Surgeon will use BioMesh and try to reinforce the whole area and see if his sutures can battle Bradley’s body that really wants to kick them out.  The most difficult part will be getting through and cleaning up the scar tissue in his belly, then working on the wrap itself.  We’re hoping for safe passage by the Esophagus because any injury will result in a longer hospital stay.  Until Bradley gets through the surgery, we won’t really know what kind of Hospital stay to expect, but the surgeon told us to anticipate at least two or three days…the rest is up to Bradley. 

So this year, Bradley is not in the hospital for Christmas and we know what a Blessing that is.  He is refluxing pretty bad and that leads to gagging and retching – usually, without much warning.  Like in the middle of Target, that was fun.  Or on the side of the road waiting for the Parade that carried his sisters, that was fun too.   Our concerns are his ability to clear and knowing that some aspirating can and does happen and that leads to the worst possible situations for him.  We’re battling a full head this morning and trying to keep this beginning cold from turning into something sinister. 

But it’s Christmas Eve, so that means a big day for all of us.  We did the chocolate chip and peanut butter cookies and today is the sugar cookie extravaganza.  We’ll eat little ham sandwiches while we watch “Polar Express” or at least that’s what we usually do.  At 9 and 11, the girls might be ready for a new movie or an all new tradition, I’m not sure yet.  We didn’t get any of those traditions last year when Bradley and Daddy were at the hospital, so this might be a new start to a new tradition or I might be pleasantly surprised to learn that our tradition is as important to the girls as it was to me.  J   And somewhere in the day I will write the kids’ Christmas letters in their journals; I haven’t missed a year yet, though I’ve been a little late a few times.  But hey, nobody and none of my systems are perfect, but they work.  J 

As far as Bradley updates go, this is not the best one to give, I was hoping for news about the puppy…which is not gestating yet.  Grrrr.  We were hoping for good health and the possibility that 2014 would bring one surgery to maybe close the hole that holds his button. But no.  He’ll have a surgery to fix his wrap and from there we’ll have to just wait and see what will happen next for him. 

Merry Christmas everyone!  Here’s hoping the Blessings of the Season will fill your lives with joy and peace!  Thank you everyone for all of your support this past year, and throughout Bradley’s young life.  We are Blessed to have you in our lives.  

Happy Thanksgiving!

As yet another Thanksgiving comes to a close it is with mixed emotions that I send it on its way.  I think about those that weren’t where they most wanted to be, and I think about those that are giving so much so that I can safely enjoy turkey today.  I miss our military life sometimes, but that’s not really what I miss, I miss the family we had in the military.  We had our share of the fake friends that come and go as quickly as your duty station, they are the ones that will be your best buddy when you’re here, but are the ones that forget you just as quickly as the plane takes off to take them away.  But we also were quite Blessed to have the chance to have the kind of friends that created a place in their hearts and made that place permanent.  Those are the ones I miss today; the ones that I pray are safe and happy.  Some aren’t home where they want, but if they are safe, I see that as a win. 

We weren’t sure where we would be tonight.  We knew where we were supposed to be, but then Sydney came home with the stomach bug, and passed it through the family.  From there we could only wait and see and prepare for the possibility that we would have at least one person still too sick to travel.  But then, there was the very real possibility that Bradley would lead the way to another possibility entirely.  But fate, life, sometimes it has its own plan and for whatever reason, we were granted a stay for today and rather than bringing Bradley out of the hospital this morning, or take him in first thing tomorrow morning – we instead headed out to dinner with family. 

We enjoyed a delicious meal at Grandma’s house with all that goes with time with her.  It’s not always easy, but it’s always perfect in its own way.  These events are like small moments in time that are etched in the memories of my children so that they will always have them.  The girls are suitably exhausted from playing as hard as possible in the short time allowed with cousins they adore and never see.  They will fall asleep tonight with new memories that will keep them going until the next time that they get the chance to see them again.  And Dad and I will keep fielding the inevitable flow of questions asking when will see them again, why don’t we see them more…. And so on.  It’s nothing I can answer, it’s nothing I am happy that I can’t answer…but it just is what it is. 

Sometimes the simplest answers are so far from what we can give, and the reasoning is so complicated that our kids aren’t going to ever understand, but most the time, we aren’t really at a place where we can understand either, just because we are adults doesn’t actually mean we know what we’re doing. 

So this is what I’ve learned about Thanksgiving:

I never remember the taste of the turkey; I just remember that we had it. 

I remember when the silences hold the most weight.

I know the importance of what is never said, and feel the loss.

Sitting at the kid table is not a punishment; it just means no one is watching you close enough to ensure you eat so much dinner you don’t get dessert.

Sitting at the adult table means that you get full of dinner and have little room for dessert. 

If you have a healthy ability to suspend your disbelief, the greatest chasms can be bridged for at least one meal. 

That bridge can prove to be the greatest of gifts that you just tuck away, you don’t need to analyze it or over think it, just live it in the moment. 

And I am reminded how beautiful acceptance is, and how it can make me tear up by its use.  I see my girls pulled into the fold because they were missed and loved.  And tonight I watched my son peeking around the corner playing with the other kids…perhaps not a part of the actual hide and seek game, but hiding and peeking just the same.  Not an outside participate, just a little too young to be able to want to jump in.  But I watched him give hugs, receive hugs and I watched him follow and lead – connecting in ways he rarely gets a chance to do.  And though he wasn’t thrilled at first, he even managed to share a bit too. 

I could feel the strain by the need to make the day perfect, and everyone had their own perception on how that should happen.  I found the presence of the need for Ego to be disconcerting, but I’m pretty good at letting that just roll right off like most non-important things these days.  Perfection in itself is not altogether a horrid prospect, but once some laughter could lighten the mood, then it was just there.  And for just a few hours there was a harmony.  As the evening ended, the stress of too tired kids, too tired parents…that all accumulates to gather in a cloud for the long ride home.  But ITunes plays the favorites that the girls know and sing too, songs that Bradley recognizes and somehow that eased some of the grumbling.  Not all of it, but then, what do you truly expect?  They’ll fuss themselves to sleep here in a few minutes and a different type of peace will settle around the car and see us home. 

This was Bradley’s fourth Thanksgiving and when it comes down to it, I’m just glad we got here and past it again.  There have been moments in the past four years that life has offered the most frightening of prospects in order to continually remind us that we are Blessed.  Living in the shadow of that realization, ego is of little importance, acceptance of who I am is of little importance…every day we spend in this family with this little boy – that’s really all that matters.  This little boy holds onto his sisters with great care and they always find their way back to him. 

Happy Thanksgiving All!  From our heart to yours, hope you had a wonderful day! 

And So It Ends

There's always a beginning and an end, that's the way of things.  And so as we come to the end of this year's "31 For 21: Challenge" it is astonishing to me that the month of October is over.  It's not just the blog, though I feel a serenity in knowing that I was able to follow through with a month's worth of blogs.  It wasn't always easy, there were times it was downright tough, and yes - I think that might have been about fifteen days in.  But it wasn't for lack of topics, it was more like lack of emotional energy to give.  Or rather, I wasn't sure I had to give. 

 

Life comes in fits and spurts...we'll go for a whole bunch of months with nothing much going on, and then something amazing...or just as likely something frightening with Bradley.  October was one of those looming months that had the potential for disaster, and yet also had the potential for amazing - perhaps I can even say Awe-inspiring and not be overly dramatic about it.  I think in our case it just fit. 

 

We learned over summer that October was to be our month.  Eric's job was going to be eliminated and if he didn't find something else beforehand, we would be subject to RIF...it's not a misspelling.  I'm not trying to say RIP, although it means RIP for his job and then our current location if nothing was available here, RIF means Reduction In Force.  It would mean we go where the Navy pleases and has a place for him, wow, this sounds ironically familiar.  I mean we even joked how ironic that in our former life, we would be looking for orders and getting ready for our next move anyway.  So anyhow, much like how we ended up in Atsugi, Japan we would be sent as the Navy pleases.  If that was China Lake, so be it...if that was Monterey, so be it...if that was El Centro...if it was Cuba...well God Help Us!  But you get the idea. 

 

October held other promises for us too.  It was supposed to be the end of the furloughs we had to survive over summer, and it was to be the Buddy Walk for Bradley - a brief respite from our daily grind with our most excellent friends!  October was going to give us news that Bradley's puppy was in the process of forming, and was cooking in its mommy's belly.  And it was gong to bring Halloween, which is so much fun when you have little kids...or are a little kid at heart!  Guess I fit in both of those categories! ;-) 

 

So all those things were what we were expecting in October.  This is what we got: Eric's job did go away, but a timely Retirement of a fellow employee allowed Eric to move into his old position.  So in theory no RIF for us.  The job is gone but there is no move for us at the Navy's whim, and considering where the Navy's whim was blowing...it's a relief.  The every Friday unpaid Furloughs ended but in October the Government shutdown began.  The back pay came in for that, but the worry over whether it would be offered and then whether it would come before time to pay rent, well that was a bit heavy on our minds.  But we stretched the dollars as far as they would go and survived this round only to wonder if this is something we might have to do again in January.  Oh joy! 

 

We did get to the Buddy Walk in San Diego, and felt what Acceptance for Bradley feels like.  Our Team was as amazing as always, the love there is binding and will always carry us through, it's just that strong and that important.  The best part, I broke through the shyness of our friends daughters, and by the end of the day I had a new little friend holding me back.  Sometimes life is just that great!  New friends, old friend, and friends all the way from Japan!  We know what it feels like to be Blessed and I hope it happens to each of you so that you get a chance to feel how we felt, how we feel.  Because even up here near our house, we were able to go on a Celebration of Down syndrome walk, and we still had the best supporters walk with us.  There for us, there to cheer on Bradley!  Awesome, in the sense of what the word truly means; not the cheap over use of the 80's!  :-) 

 

Bradley's health took a turn into uncharted territory, so much that we aren't sure what in the world is going on with him right now, but we're trying really hard to get ahead of it.  But he also is throwing in some new sounds and really attempting to turn a lot of those sounds into words.  He really, really tried to repeat Daddy tonight in saying: "Trick or treat!"  and "Candy!"  An innocent bystander wouldn't have heard it, but we know his sounds and how often you don't get any...these were concentrated efforts to mimic sound.  Beautiful. 

 

We don't have a puppy on the way yet...but everyday will bring Molly closer to going into Heat and then well...we all know how those things go from there.  It's a matter of time, but we were sure holding our breath throughout October waiting for the magic moment when we learned the news.  We're breathing now, because well, I can't hold my breath for very long anyway.  :-)  But it's coming, and we know it's coming and the puppy will be on its way before too much longer. 

 

And then there is Halloween, what a great night.  Bradley walked around a little last year, but wasn't all that interested.  He had a lot of interest this year.  In fact, in some areas a little too much.  But if you want to talk about beating Challenges...here he comes!  He walked to the doors this year more often than last year.  Sometimes he waited for candy, sometimes he assessed and walked away.  When we first started, he wanted to walk in to everyone's homes.  In fact, he couldn't understand why we were coming to visit our new friends and not going in to stay awhile, over and over again.  But after twenty houses...ish...he started getting the hang of it.  The bucket was the best toy ever.  He liked carrying that and wasn't thrilled to ever put it down or anyone taking it from him.  He grew to like grabbing the candy, he thought putting that into his bucket was super cool.  Not as cool as sitting on the sidewalk and throwing the candy in the bucket out, but hey... everyone has their way to entertain themselves.  About this point, he decided it was pretty cool to hold it in his lap in the stroller, and then gave it up to play with his little shoe coverings instead.  He waved to a few people, and signed thank you, but never made a sound.  The waving was a big thing though. 

 

Back at the house, he took a lot of interest in the girls handing out candy, and by the end of the bowl he was throwing (and I mean catch it in your bag if you want it, throwing) the candy into the bags of the kids.  He was quite upset when we ran out of candy.  My shy guy took a few steps out of his shell tonight, just a couple, but really important ones.  It was pretty great!  He went from very upset about things to understanding more of what was going on, and to us, that was huge! 

 

So all in all, October has been one of those really weird months that really tests your resolve, your patience, and your Faith.  We've had some great stuff and not so great stuff, and we've had a lot of emotions running pretty high throughout the house; but eventually, Madison will even out and Sydney will start in...oh, um great...can't wait!  :-)  As for Challenges, it's been another inspiriting month of meeting this one for me.  I love my son, I love the life that he is living and how it impacts the lives of this whole family.  There will always be those that won't accept him for who he is and how great he is, but there are always more that are going to see him, and know him, and be inspired and feel they are better off from having been a recipient of his smile.  I know this in my soul to be true, so I guess my Faith has come through this month pretty well...we had our moments, but where Bradley is concerned, the Faith is strong!  The girls are crazy like usual, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  They are learning to be little adults someday, and by the time they get there I won't be reminding them of things like: "You know this is why Lions eat their young right?"  Oh mom...giggle, giggle, giggle...it never holds enough authority for them and I don't know why.  :-)

 

Greatness can happen in an instant, your job is to be ready to see it, to accept it in that instant, to have an open mind and a receiving heart willing to believe in the beauty that comes from within another.  All of my kids have it, and when you get them together at their ease, and at their truest moments of joy and happiness, you get to witness it!  So from a Pirate, a Cowgirl and Monster, hope you all had a Happy Halloween...and hope your October was easier than ours, but just as great.  I just want to thank you for stopping by to read our blog and be a part of our wonderful, albeit crazy family! 

 

 

"31 For 21: Challenge" 2013...signing off for this year.  My kids will keep growing and life will keep happening here, feel free to check in anytime, there are always more stories to tell.  Until then, think kindly of those that are different from you.  Not everyone can sing, but that doesn't mean you don't love the music.  Good night everyone! 

 

 

About the Puppy

I've been waiting to write about the puppy that is going to join our family in the next year or so...I was hoping to report that the puppy was busy gestating in its mother's womb (if that's the correct turn of phrase); however, the lovely mom is not in Heat yet.  Curse you Mother Nature!  Well, not really.  Mother Nature will do her thing and that thing will happen when it happens.  It's just not going to happen before the blogging for the "31 for 21: Challenge" is over.  But that's okay, we'll still talk about the puppy.

Once dear Molly goes into Heat, she's going to be inseminated and then in a short nine weeks (man, don't dogs have it good!) a litter of puppies will be born and from that litter, they will choose a puppy to raise a puppy for Bradley.  This little Golden Retriever puppy is going change Bradley's world.  Our little boy without true social skills is going to get a furry little brother or sister that will help him fill in some important gaps.  Bradley is going to bond with someone other than his parents and his sisters that is going to love him beyond words, and who doesn't flourish under the onslaught of the true love that comes from a dog? Bradley is trying to put more sounds and words together everyday and who knows he may say this dog's name when they meet for the first time, or perhaps the day it comes to live in our house permanently.  One can only hope!

Maybe it's supposed to work out that Bradley's puppy isn't supposed to come until his birthday, how perfect would that be?  It took the love and kindness of family, friends, and strangers to bring this dog into Bradley's world, why wouldn't all that love pour over into cementing the type of bond these two are going to have?  It does, it will.  We look forward to the connection between the dog and Bradley, and the dog and the family.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've watched Bradley make the conscious effort to start bonding with his cats. He is interested in them and what they are doing, how they are moving, and what the odds are that he can actually catch one of them.  For their part, the cats are getting used to Bradley.  Now that he is moving around after them, they are offering more opportunity for him to approach them and pet them.  He experiments with petting, and then he tries out how to run the length of their tails, no matter how short.  The cats are incredibly patient, they don't stay long, but they stay long enough to assess him and wait for that moment when he looks ready to sweep everything off the ottoman and then they make a run for it.  They are smarter than Yuna's water bowl antics imply!  :-)

And it's not just the cats that he's starting to pay attention too.  Today Bradley got to see our neighbor and his two little dogs.  Not only was Bradley reaching out to pet the dogs, he was verbalizing!  He was making lots of great vocal sounds, some even stringing together, it was so cool!!!  I don't know what he was telling the dogs, but he had quite a few stories to share with them.  He was so excited by the puppies, he even shook hands with our neighbor.  Bradley is not one to reach out to anyone, he's a pretty shy little boy.  I loved seeing all of it.

So at some point in the next few weeks we will get the word, and I'll be pulling up all kinds of puppy gestation information while we chart the pregnancy and then celebrate the birth of Bradley's Buddy.  Once we have a name of the puppy that will grow to be part of our family, I'll show him pictures and do a lot of repetition to see if I can get him close to saying the dog's name, and maybe a little recognition to help him overcome enough of his nerves to approach and say Hi, and maybe even fall in love the day they finally meet.
We're definitely still pretty far away from the day his dog makes our home its home, but we are so much closer than we've ever been.  We are all very excited and since Bradley doesn't understand yet, we all carry a little extra inside us on his behalf!

So I guess as far as challenges go...for right now, we're just trying to maintain our patience and keep our excitement in control until the day comes when we get to welcome another furry child into our home.  So for the Challenge, I didn't get to spread the word that the puppy was on the way, but I did get to tell you that the way of Nature is bringing us closer (though I don't know that the pregnancy will happen at all naturally!).  HAHA.. But here's the good news!  For some reason, the first week of November is Down Syndrome Awareness WEEK, I don't know why this is but who knows, maybe I'll have some exciting news then!  ;-)

It's a comfort to all of us to know that the dog is going to be coming.  Aside from all the positive effects that the dog will give to Bradley and his life, it is something we can depend upon.  The rest of our world is just a bit crazy and up in the air right now, but at least the dog provides something solid to hold onto, and the girls always need that!

A Little Sydney

There has been a lot about Madison being mixed in lately, drama sometimes takes the center stage.  So since I don't want you all to think that Sydney has left the family or anything crazy like that, I wanted to reassure you that she is still making this family run and making this family laugh.

So for all my Sydney fans, this one is for you guys!

As you all know, we've been waiting for Bradley to talk.  We sign to him and sometimes he signs back...sometimes like today, he gives me two signs together, which is truly exciting!  Anyway, for a while now he's made these g sounds...and they are like goo's and gaa's...well in the last few weeks he's been repeating the sounds together.  Sounds like "goo gaa" and to us it sounded like "Good God."  Well, it sounded enough like this that Eric would say: "Good God!" every time Bradley would say it and then we'd all laugh.  So hearing Bradley sound like he is trying to say "Good God!" more and more we changed it to try and get "Good Golly"...yeah, only that sound he can't make.

So this is how this evening started:

As I was in turning on the computer so Sydney could do her homework, Sydney comes into our room to show me her pens that our friend sent her from Japan.  She draws a squiggle and then says, "Watch!" then proceeds to erase the squiggle.  "Cool right!?"

I tell her, "Yes, very cool Sydney!  Those are very cool pens and should you be missing one, you shouldn't look for it on my nightstand."

She stops and looks at me for a second, "Wha???  Ohhhh!!!!  HAHA you're funny mom!"  Off she goes to the kitchen to finish writing the part of her homework she has to type.

A little later, I hear Bradley in the living room and he's making the "goo gaa" phrase again.  So then I hear Sydney yelling from the kitchen:

"Daddy, Bradley is saying 'Good God' again."

Dad, being a brat yells back:  "Tell your Mom."

Before I can respond to tell him he's a brat, Sydney yells again: "Mom, you need to tell Daddy that he has to stop saying that to Bradley!"

Thank you Sydney!

There you go, sometimes the challenge is to keep from laughing out loud and letting Sydney how much control she has in running this house!  ;-)   Can you believe it, 29 days into the Challenge and only two days left!  Have a great night everyone!

Day 28: Always Trying to Balance

Leaving Madison at school this morning was actually pretty tough, I felt like I had just dropped her off at Kindergarten, but I didn't get to hold her hand into the classroom.  She mentioned to us on Friday evening that she was told by a friend that she no one likes to hang out with her because she's annoying.  Ten days of Fall Break and this is what you finally tell us two days before you go back to school?  Ah, good grief!  Really?!

At first, I could only stare at her.  What was I possibly going to say that was going to make it all right?  What could I possibly do to fix anything in her world right now?  And how could I stop her from crying?

So first we tried to diffuse the situation.  I commented to her that she can be a bit overwhelming.  And I told her that perhaps she's not so much annoying as, more intense than kids know how to handle all the time.  I thought that perhaps the kids find this passion and intensity more than they know how to deal with it, leaving them feeling overwhelmed.

And that made her cry harder!  Go Mom!  Now I tried to get her to listen, really listen.  Madison is desperate to find her one true best friend.  It turns out those are not so easy to find these days.  Seems like the girls at this age just want to be besties with ten other girls that allow for them to cycle through them as they see most fitting.  It's not that Madison is opposed to the ten Besties, but she just really wants to have one friend she can confide in, to depend on, a friend she can trust.  She wants her friend who just moved to San Diego to come back.  Or even her little friend that lives here in town but goes to a different school, to come to her school.  Anything that would give her an ally so she isn't walking around the school always wondering which one she is annoying today.

See I have a best friend or two.  I have some women in my life that are there for the sole reason that they can see the best parts of me and make them stand out.  They are intent on my well being, and they take care of my heart and soul...all of which they guard carefully.  I try to return the favor for them as well.  But I tell Madison all the time, I was in 9th grade before I had a lasting friend, and it wasn't always perfect.  We had our growing pains, but we're pretty good now.  And then it was when I was in College that some of my known friends in High School, became everything, and even that fades and wanes.  I tried to explain to her that life puts people in your path for a reason, and sometimes they stay and sometimes they don't.  And sometimes, they slip out of your life without a word and a moment turns into hours, into days, weeks, months and then years and you realize that that's it...they've moved out of your life and you can't even remember when you said good-bye that last time, because you never thought it would be your last time.  You realize that had you known, you might have been able to stop it from happening, but then, that's the way of things.  People are going to move in and out of your life in order to make sure the person you need to learn from will be in place at the right time.

Right now, she feels like no one is in place.  So we came up with a plan and I coached her, because that's what I do.  She comes to me broken and apparently, I have to try to glue her back together and coach her on how to walk through the landmines that are waiting for her.  And she's such a good listener and so brave. She'll say one of the options I give her, no matter how much it puts her out there.  For example, her best friend last year was this little boy, and they hung out at the Club together and were in the same class.  Well, sadly, he got tired of her and started talking behind her back.  My advice was to speak to him directly.  She did.  She went to him and said "The girls tell me you think I'm following you around all the time.  I thought we were friends, I guess I was wrong.  I won't bother you again."  Her mother was not brave enough to do anything like that till I was in College!

Good grief!  Is she annoying because she's brave?  Is she annoying because she will let someone know when they are hurting her or someone else?  Is she annoying because she comes to school with conflict resolution plans in place and implements them with accuracy and expediency?  :-)  UGH!  If that's it then she's going to hate me long before she's a teen-ager and her hormones tell her to hate me!  Yikes!

So yeah, the plan.  She said she wanted to go ask the teachers at Nutrition Break and at Lunch Break if she could help out.  I was hesitant at first, I mean how can you make a friend in you hide from the kids.  But then I thought, maybe it's not such a bad thing to get away from them all for awhile.  I told her that much.  I also told her that at some point someone will ask her where she's been or where she goes, or why she does what she does...and I said you be honest and tell them you were told your friends find you annoying and you didn't want to annoy anyone so you found other things to do.  Because my theory is that there is still some followers to the girls that got in trouble and they are bubbling over to other kids.  I think that a couple days without Madison around will help a few realize that they miss her being around.  The ones with real friendship potential are the ones that will seek her out.  God please let someone seek her out!

I worried about her all day long.  When she comes into the door after school, she practically dances.  I ask about her day, she tells me great!  I ask her about lunch and she says she ate by herself and read her book.  I ask her if that was all right?  She tells me it was, it was a little sad at first, but it was okay and the other girls walked by her like she wasn't there.  Those evil girls that still hold a part of my daughter, those evil girls that should they invite her to their table she would think about going because she misses the one girl very much and wishes they were still friends.  But she said it was okay, and she was good.  Then she smiles really big to tell me that the boy that has been friendly to her extended more friendship today by getting some classwork for her in their class that afternoon.  She told me that when she said thanks, "He told me, 'That's what friends do.'"

So in my attempt to help her back-off and let the girls that want to be her friend because they like her, come to her and be her friend; has apparently been a lesson in how to play a subtle game of hard to get with the boys...cause one has already come to take the bait!  How the Heck did that happen?  And it's not just any geeky little boy either; this kid went Scuba diving (yeah, he scuba dives) over the break and got bit in the leg by a shark!  Has the bandage to prove it!  Then he kicked at the shark and they got him away from it and since he was at school today, obviously it ended well.  But still!  He might have just kicked the whole One Direction! band to the curb with that story alone (however embellished it may or may not be)!  Holy Smokes!  So at the end of the day, she had a pretty good day at school today.  I may stay on pins and needles until she Graduates from College, but even then...if she calls me, I'm going to coach her.  I'm going to help her to confront the issues and hopefully do it in a way where she comes through it with wisdom and less scars than the Shark bit kid!  If it were allowed I'd give that kid a big hug just for being nice to her today!  Please don't let him drink Jerk juice before bed tonight!!!  HAHA....

As for Bradley?  Well, he seemed to sense my distress today.  I was on the receiving end of a whole bunch of kisses and hugs.  Even a few games where he wanted to give me Eskimo Kisses, over and over!  He even made me laugh with great purpose by putting his blanket over my head, giving me a kiss, then yanking the blanket off my head to say: "Boo!"  He rocked in his OT today and he finally ate this afternoon.  From 3 pm to 7 pm, he fit in three meals.  I'd complain if I weren't so grateful! And tired!  I cooked like a mad woman tonight, chicken with stuffing, baked beans and cranberry sauce...all these I knew he'd eat!  Sometimes you just have to bring out the big guns!

So the challenge is not to live with a child with an extra chromosome in your family...the challenge is to learn to live and to thrive with whatever God gave you in your Seabag, leaving plenty of room to add who and what you need as you need them, and knowing sometimes you have to lighten your load.  You may never want to let go, but sometimes what they need is not you, and you have to let go.  I don't know how to help Madison yet, but I am hoping that with time this will become one of those things that will work itself out as it is meant too.  But until then, every time I pray I ask for the right words, I ask to give her what she needs to hear to help her the most.  She didn't like to hear she can be overwhelming to people, but she listened anyway and she's trying very hard to find her path.  Nobody ever said Mondays were easy!

Have a great night Folks!