Day 24: 31 for 21 Blog Challenge For Down Syndrome
I took Bradley to his Physical today. I like our Pediatrician. I was telling Eric tonight that I know that he's never going to not steer us when necessary, but he is also respectful of what Eric and I feel is best for Bradley. We like that about him, we like that he is available and willing to be there for us when we need him, we like that he will listen to our concerns and that he has been known to call us while Bradley is in the County hospital, where he's on the Board. We like that he will ask what we know, and if we don't know yet, he'll make a call and call us back and tell us what he has learned from the Pediatrician on duty, long before that doc makes it into the room. We like that he will call the Gastro doc directly, especially if he wants to understand why we are or are not being supported in a way that Bradley needs from that end. Bradley's Gastro is pretty great, but sometimes he does not grasp a true situation based on phone calls and e-mails, sometimes he just has to look at Bradley directly, and when appointments get hard to come by, sometimes it's one of these phone conversations that keeps everything moving appropriately. We like this kind of team approach that we have with Bradley's Pediatrician and his Gastro doc. The two of them were in complete agreement about us leaving the surgeon in Santa Barbara to speak to a surgeon at UCLA or Children's. Sadly, Tricare is not a fan of Children's so we always get pushed to UCLA. Our Peds knows the docs at Children's the Gastro knows the ones at UCLA. You have to trust someone.
Today we talked about sending Bradley back to the surgeon that took care of his eyes at UCLA, there is some talk about the movement of his eyes and his potential for needing reading glasses. I picture him wearing my grandmother's bedazzled pair, but I imagine that what he would have would fall somewhere between those and cheaters...more like a real pair of glasses that we would attempt to keep on his face if we get to a point that we really have too. A Peds Ophthalmologist stepped into Bradley's last Neurology appointment and took a look at him briefly, her assessment was not in complete agreement with the Eye Doctor he saw recently, so we're going to need a tie breaker decision from another source.
Today we talked about his Seizures, our plan of non-movement until his symptoms or episodes force us to move through their increase. For now the Keppra is working and though he is spiking seizures while he sleeps that keep him and mom up and down all night, he isn't having full blown seizures so the medicine is working and sleep is truly over rated anyhow. Yawn...
Today we talked about his GI issues. We discussed how I am willing to go through the prolonged medicinal requirements to keep him stable, so until that stops working, we aren't willing to talk to the surgeons again. What I didn't tell his doctor, but discussed with Eric tonight was that I believe that should the Reglan break down and not continue to provide what Bradley needs, I want to try another trial of the Canadian drug Domperidone before we agree to surgery. This way we feel like we have a last chance for our last chance.
Today he asked and I listened and I asked and he listened and together we came up with the current plan for Bradley. My little guy had to get a Pneumonia shot to help prevent Bacterial Pneumonia, and he has to have a blood draw, because ever year we have to check. It's just time. Ugh, can't wait to hold him down for that!
Today we talked about Bradley's jump on the growth chart. He's at 25% for weight at 46.3 pounds. It's so exciting, we've had times when he barely hits the 10%, so sitting at 25% is quite significant. He's also over 43 inches tall now, my little boy is growing! In fact, he is getting big. He no longer holds the baby face looks that he had for over five years, he looks like a little boy now. When he had his picture taken in the Spring he looked older, but you could still see that baby in there...his school pictures now, he's a little boy. Sigh...
I shouldn't complain, and I really don't. He was a baby longer than most typically developing kids, we were given a little bit of a Blessing in that he stayed smaller longer. Sydney wanted him to stay a baby, and I used to tell her that he wouldn't stay that way forever, but God gave us a special baby that would stay smaller a little longer. I didn't realize that there would be times he wouldn't be growing, or that he would be losing weight...but we got through those times and she still would say she wanted him to stay a baby forever. No Sydney, but just a little longer. Now I guess we'll see how it goes, will he jump into little boy and speed to big kid, or do we get to enjoy this little boy for a little while, possibly a little longer? I guess time will tell.
When we went into the appointment, no one was in the waiting room. When we left it was a full house. One tiny little boy who must have been at least a year - he was walking, was sitting in the middle of the floor. Bradley walked out and saw this little boy, he walked over and crouched down in front of him and said "Hi." His little voice a bit high, very inquisitive and so cute. The little boy merely looked at him then got up and ran to look at the fish. Bradley just watched him go. Then he stood up and as we were leaving he practiced saying Hi, and when a baby started crying, he said "Baby" and pointed to the baby.
In a lot of ways he was just a little boy with his mom at his doctor's appointment, and in other ways, he was just his own special self, showing me the world through his eyes. Simpler in a lot of ways, he doesn't have a lot of language, but complex in a lot of other ways because he has a lot to express. I walked a few steps below him as he made his way down the stairs on his own and I listened as a little boy not much younger than him was being carried by his mom and passed us. He asked how old Bradley was because Bradley of course said: "Hi." And in that moment a felt a pang, not of sadness or regret, more of a moment of "Huh" as I had a thought of what would he have been like without the extra chromosome? What kind of life would he have now? I realized it didn't really matter, and what I also realized was that I don't have those thoughts so much anymore. I mostly wonder, what would our life have been like if we didn't have him, what would we have been like without him. And in that moment, I smiled at him smiling up at me and knew, I wouldn't want that life without him in it.
As scared as I was to have him, to be surprised by that extra chromosome, I couldn't deny how the way he looked at me pulled me into his orbit and held me steady. As crazy as the world was that we were spinning around in, though it all mattered, it was all a byproduct of adjusting our life to have this little boy as an important part of it. I loved him before I knew I loved him. I found my life was no longer complete unless he was in it, and I never realized my life wasn't complete before him. This happened with both the girls, but it was a gentle realization with them, an easy adjustment. Bradley was like a lightning bolt and roller coaster, we had to climb in and buckle up just to keep up. Not much has changed.
There is still a lot to learn, but he really is an excellent teacher. I want to say he gets it from his parents, but I am quite certain that his Father in Heaven had all to do with it. I am just grateful that Bradley chose our family and Eric and I to be his parents. He set himself up with the best sisters to be here for him and he always makes sure that he pulls the best team to his care and support.
And we really, really like that. :-)
Monday, October 24, 2016
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Gentle Planning
Day 23: Blog Challenge 31 For 21 Down Syndrome Awareness
Well...Sydney is not quite in her room yet. I had planned to finish her room and get her in there yesterday. Hmmm. Our friend who is doing the blinds can't make it til tomorrow morning, so that left me with finishing everything else so after tomorrow she can be in. Yesterday, we spent most of the work on the backyard, read that as picking up almost four hundred bricks. We'll get the medium dumpster on Friday and see if we can't get the concrete out of the backyard. We kept looking at it, trying to see if any of it would be salvageable because concrete is expensive, only weird placement and shoddy repair work on top of not being even anymore tell us that we need to do this and start from scratch. The kids, especially Bradley need to be a whole lot safer in our backyard. We're going to get some help next weekend and it should be gone. Thank Goodness!
Knowing we'll have help next weekend, back to Sydney's room - finished the trim and the door today, once it is good and dry, put the doorknob back on. Tomorrow, we get the blinds up, then I will clean the glass door, the glass mirror closet doors, and the slider track. After school and work, we will move her in and she will sleep in her room tomorrow night. Hurray! Wondering now why I ever told them they could paint their rooms any color they wanted...actually, trying to figure out why we didn't keep looking when we noted that every wall in this house was either yellow or some weird color that we would be painting over. Note to self, painting is just so much work! UGH. But I think it will be worth it in the end. I'll stop being so tired when it is all done and when I look around I think I will be much happier. Oh, the rest of the family might be too. Heehee.
Bradley has been in seventh heaven with his movie because the girls have both been doing loads of math homework. Both have changed their math classes, oddly at the same time, so they are both busy getting caught up in their new classes. All was well until late afternoon, Bradley began to cry about everything, literally. So I said: "Somebody is really tired." To which Dad, "Yep, that's why I have him in my lap." Great minds I tell ya!
We both know when he is too tired to be awake, and even as he fought to stay awake, we both recognize that sometimes for Bradley, he just needs to find one of our laps for some one on one time. Sometimes he just needs to be held and rocked. There are times at bedtime when he will sit up off his pillow and he'll crawl over to my lap to get situated where he can put his head on my shoulder. On these occasions, it takes him mere seconds to fall asleep once he is in what he considers to be his most comfortable position.
Dad and I love the cuddle time, but it's getting harder and harder to carry him because our little guy is really trying to grow. Despite that hole in his esophagus, and all the Reflux, something we are doing is keeping the monster at bay. The extra time to it takes to prep and then give him his medicine seems to be worth it right now because he is still gaining weight and he has gotten taller too. We'll take all we can get! Plus, we'll take any extra so that when the time comes to have the surgery, we're hoping he will have some stores to fall back on. We still watch him pretty close, even though he's gaining weight, he still manages to gag and retch a couple times a month and he still manages to get too much air in his tummy. It used to be that we were always having both of these happen, but over time things seemed to be improving and it felt like the wrap was working more efficiently because we were getting less and less, and then after almost nothing it was almost all the time. So we looked last November and knew he had another Hernia, another hole in his esophagus. So when I vented him today and he had a bunch of air, the second time in a week...it's a bummer and something we have to think about and update his doctor about. Ugh again I say!
So, just as we have always done, we continue with one day at a time. Today, I will make some dinner, get these kids settled for the night and collapse after a tiring weekend. Tomorrow, we will move our middle daughter into her own room and Tuesday? I don't know, but if nothing else comes up, it will probably include a paint brush. I have the opposite side of Sydney's room to paint so that my hubby will help me choose and place bookshelves so we can empty the rest of the book boxes in the garage, which just might really clear out our garage. I call this gentle planning, things to do but without hard deadlines so that all the surprise stuff doesn't delay anything too important. I'll keep you posted on our progress though!
Happy Sunday all! Hope you had a great day, ours was tiring but productive!
Well...Sydney is not quite in her room yet. I had planned to finish her room and get her in there yesterday. Hmmm. Our friend who is doing the blinds can't make it til tomorrow morning, so that left me with finishing everything else so after tomorrow she can be in. Yesterday, we spent most of the work on the backyard, read that as picking up almost four hundred bricks. We'll get the medium dumpster on Friday and see if we can't get the concrete out of the backyard. We kept looking at it, trying to see if any of it would be salvageable because concrete is expensive, only weird placement and shoddy repair work on top of not being even anymore tell us that we need to do this and start from scratch. The kids, especially Bradley need to be a whole lot safer in our backyard. We're going to get some help next weekend and it should be gone. Thank Goodness!
Knowing we'll have help next weekend, back to Sydney's room - finished the trim and the door today, once it is good and dry, put the doorknob back on. Tomorrow, we get the blinds up, then I will clean the glass door, the glass mirror closet doors, and the slider track. After school and work, we will move her in and she will sleep in her room tomorrow night. Hurray! Wondering now why I ever told them they could paint their rooms any color they wanted...actually, trying to figure out why we didn't keep looking when we noted that every wall in this house was either yellow or some weird color that we would be painting over. Note to self, painting is just so much work! UGH. But I think it will be worth it in the end. I'll stop being so tired when it is all done and when I look around I think I will be much happier. Oh, the rest of the family might be too. Heehee.
Bradley has been in seventh heaven with his movie because the girls have both been doing loads of math homework. Both have changed their math classes, oddly at the same time, so they are both busy getting caught up in their new classes. All was well until late afternoon, Bradley began to cry about everything, literally. So I said: "Somebody is really tired." To which Dad, "Yep, that's why I have him in my lap." Great minds I tell ya!
We both know when he is too tired to be awake, and even as he fought to stay awake, we both recognize that sometimes for Bradley, he just needs to find one of our laps for some one on one time. Sometimes he just needs to be held and rocked. There are times at bedtime when he will sit up off his pillow and he'll crawl over to my lap to get situated where he can put his head on my shoulder. On these occasions, it takes him mere seconds to fall asleep once he is in what he considers to be his most comfortable position.
Dad and I love the cuddle time, but it's getting harder and harder to carry him because our little guy is really trying to grow. Despite that hole in his esophagus, and all the Reflux, something we are doing is keeping the monster at bay. The extra time to it takes to prep and then give him his medicine seems to be worth it right now because he is still gaining weight and he has gotten taller too. We'll take all we can get! Plus, we'll take any extra so that when the time comes to have the surgery, we're hoping he will have some stores to fall back on. We still watch him pretty close, even though he's gaining weight, he still manages to gag and retch a couple times a month and he still manages to get too much air in his tummy. It used to be that we were always having both of these happen, but over time things seemed to be improving and it felt like the wrap was working more efficiently because we were getting less and less, and then after almost nothing it was almost all the time. So we looked last November and knew he had another Hernia, another hole in his esophagus. So when I vented him today and he had a bunch of air, the second time in a week...it's a bummer and something we have to think about and update his doctor about. Ugh again I say!
So, just as we have always done, we continue with one day at a time. Today, I will make some dinner, get these kids settled for the night and collapse after a tiring weekend. Tomorrow, we will move our middle daughter into her own room and Tuesday? I don't know, but if nothing else comes up, it will probably include a paint brush. I have the opposite side of Sydney's room to paint so that my hubby will help me choose and place bookshelves so we can empty the rest of the book boxes in the garage, which just might really clear out our garage. I call this gentle planning, things to do but without hard deadlines so that all the surprise stuff doesn't delay anything too important. I'll keep you posted on our progress though!
Happy Sunday all! Hope you had a great day, ours was tiring but productive!
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Our Friday Night Shenanigans
Day 22: 31 For 21 Blog Challenge for Down Syndrome Awareness
It's been a long day and by day I mean at the start at 12:01 a.m. Bradley had the roughest night in a while, he could not stay asleep and even when asleep he wouldn't stay in bed. We had the lovely Ms. Sam last night come and hang out with Bradley for Respite Care. While he stayed here and played, we took the girls to dinner. Usually it's just us, but last night we met up with a majority of Sydney's Volleyball team for dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. I just want to go on record with this: pre-teen girls are really, really loud and really, really full of drama. Every new girl was met with squeals and groups hugs, like they hadn't just seen each other at school, like four hours prior...oh and the partings...I don't know how these girls get through a whole weekend without seeing each other. I thought someone was going to start crying at the good-byes. Holy Moly!!! Massive, and quite painful eye roll right there! Obviously the Good Lord knows what he's doing...I thought I couldn't do well mothering a son, cause I thought we only made girls...turns out, the Lord knew I wouldn't have survived three girls. Yikes!! Holy Hormones Batman!
Part of me wanted to rush home early before Bradley fell asleep so I could snuggle him and soak in his little boy smell and remind myself that sometimes he is the easiest one. And yet, the rest of me stayed put until we were the last to leave, letting Sydney enjoy her friends. Watching young girls accepting of Madison and inviting her into their group. And it was kind of cool too, Madison and Sydney were joking and teasing each other...not in that mean way that siblings can sometimes have, but more like the friends they could someday grow into being. Don't worry, that craziness stopped about the time we got in the car, but for a couple of hours it was really kind of cool and interesting to watch. Much more interesting than the girl drama that these kids exude around each other. I wonder if boys do that too? All I could think was that it would be best if none of these girls dated right now, no boy would have the chance to come away from those relationships without serious scars, though Sydney informs me that the boys are more dramatic and even more fickle. Geesh! She's funny though, she mentioned that she might have a "Crush" but that she doesn't put much into it because within a week or so she isn't interested anymore. Hmm, you're welcome boys, her mom won't let her date. Your official crushing of your spirit will have to wait a few years, by then maybe she'll find something to keep her interested for longer than a week or two. :-)
Not to be outdone, Bradley is going to bring his own brand of trouble. I told him yesterday to knock it off, he can't date either. In class, he was holding hands with one of the girls, but then he adjusted his hand so he was running his fingers back and forth over the ends of her fingers. I guess he had to sit in circle and couldn't get to his shoes; he likes to take the point of his shoelaces and rub them across his palm. He has sensory issues. So I tell myself this, until a different girl is leaving and she looks at him and says "Hug!" So he complies and then she leans in to kiss his cheek. Okay now, wait a minute! What are we teaching in this class exactly? Hmmm. Okay Ladies Man, easy on the charm please. :-) But I have to say, he has grown up a lot, here's his latest school picture, I almost don' recognize this big kid:
Apparently, big kid or not, he still is little enough to miss his folks when we aren't here to tuck him in. He was up three times before we even could turn in, and then I got up with him two more times until 5:30 when I was too tired to get up and made him climb into bed with Dad and I and go back to sleep. He was up and raring to go an hour later and ran all day long. But the day did catch up and by the end of bath when we were getting jammies on he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, and then was asleep before I could finish reading his first book. Perhaps tonight he will shock us both and sleep all the way through? Maybe? Oh well, is what it is - but he's asleep now and my snooze hours are fast waning! So good night all! Catch you tomorrow!
It's been a long day and by day I mean at the start at 12:01 a.m. Bradley had the roughest night in a while, he could not stay asleep and even when asleep he wouldn't stay in bed. We had the lovely Ms. Sam last night come and hang out with Bradley for Respite Care. While he stayed here and played, we took the girls to dinner. Usually it's just us, but last night we met up with a majority of Sydney's Volleyball team for dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. I just want to go on record with this: pre-teen girls are really, really loud and really, really full of drama. Every new girl was met with squeals and groups hugs, like they hadn't just seen each other at school, like four hours prior...oh and the partings...I don't know how these girls get through a whole weekend without seeing each other. I thought someone was going to start crying at the good-byes. Holy Moly!!! Massive, and quite painful eye roll right there! Obviously the Good Lord knows what he's doing...I thought I couldn't do well mothering a son, cause I thought we only made girls...turns out, the Lord knew I wouldn't have survived three girls. Yikes!! Holy Hormones Batman!
Part of me wanted to rush home early before Bradley fell asleep so I could snuggle him and soak in his little boy smell and remind myself that sometimes he is the easiest one. And yet, the rest of me stayed put until we were the last to leave, letting Sydney enjoy her friends. Watching young girls accepting of Madison and inviting her into their group. And it was kind of cool too, Madison and Sydney were joking and teasing each other...not in that mean way that siblings can sometimes have, but more like the friends they could someday grow into being. Don't worry, that craziness stopped about the time we got in the car, but for a couple of hours it was really kind of cool and interesting to watch. Much more interesting than the girl drama that these kids exude around each other. I wonder if boys do that too? All I could think was that it would be best if none of these girls dated right now, no boy would have the chance to come away from those relationships without serious scars, though Sydney informs me that the boys are more dramatic and even more fickle. Geesh! She's funny though, she mentioned that she might have a "Crush" but that she doesn't put much into it because within a week or so she isn't interested anymore. Hmm, you're welcome boys, her mom won't let her date. Your official crushing of your spirit will have to wait a few years, by then maybe she'll find something to keep her interested for longer than a week or two. :-)
Not to be outdone, Bradley is going to bring his own brand of trouble. I told him yesterday to knock it off, he can't date either. In class, he was holding hands with one of the girls, but then he adjusted his hand so he was running his fingers back and forth over the ends of her fingers. I guess he had to sit in circle and couldn't get to his shoes; he likes to take the point of his shoelaces and rub them across his palm. He has sensory issues. So I tell myself this, until a different girl is leaving and she looks at him and says "Hug!" So he complies and then she leans in to kiss his cheek. Okay now, wait a minute! What are we teaching in this class exactly? Hmmm. Okay Ladies Man, easy on the charm please. :-) But I have to say, he has grown up a lot, here's his latest school picture, I almost don' recognize this big kid:
Friday, October 21, 2016
Bradley's Make-A-Wish!
Day 21: 31 for 21 Bog Challenge for Down Syndrome Awareness
Sometimes the best Blessings come with the most
difficulties! And why you are so extremely
Blessed, it is not without a fair amount of work on your part to make it
happen. Having Bradley is the greatest
Blessing; and yet, not for the faint of heart.
He comes with a lot of work, and often it all happens at once and then a
small amount of reprieve and then a bunch more, but that’s just Bradley. And I’m not saying that some of his stuff
doesn’t scare the living daylights out of me; but I am saying, that I take
whatever comes to keep him.
We were quite surprised when we were offered a Wish for Bradley
from Make-A-Wish. In fact, I almost
passed out at the onset and immediately argued that he wasn’t terminal that he
didn’t qualify. Apparently, I had that
all wrong. It’s not just for kids that
are terminal, it’s for kids who are compromised, who are going through a lot
medically and especially in his case, are going to be going through a lot more
before it’s all said and done. So I
guess he’s qualified. So it looks like
he’s getting a Wish. So exciting!!!
The next part was really hard, deciding on his Wish. Sure Disney is super fun, but going to Disney
is hard to plan for us, we try to pick a day when he is healthy enough to go and
we go once a year when the Regional Center offers the discounted tickets. The last two years, it has been a near thing
that we made it. So for them to put a
lot of effort into it and then have to delay because he’s either sick or having
that surgery we don’t want him to have that he will eventually have to have…
well, it’s tough. My fear was to delay
because of his surgery and then him not be well enough to go again. I’m sure they have contingencies for these
kinds of things, but I didn’t want to put anybody out. And to be honest, Bradley enjoys Disney, but
I don’t know that he remembers too much about.
He enjoys being there, but he still is afraid of the characters…so, well…
you get the idea.
They emphasized that the Wish should be something he would
want. So No, we didn’t say he wanted to
meet the World Series winning Kansas City Royals…that would be for Sydney and
me. Wink, wink… haha..
Nope, we sat down and thought about what would make him the most
happy. We came up with something that
would make him ecstatic and would be something he would remember and enjoy for
a very long time!
I preface by saying this: we just moved into our house in
May of this year. It was a rental for
three years and though she has nice bones, our house needs some work…probably
more than we anticipated when we decided to buy. Things like a backyard sprinkler system that
was turned off at the start of escrow killed the grass…which is ok; in that, we
were going to have to redo it all anyway because the system was in the living room… Um, weird.
And we had to remove this 60 foot Palm Tree or as I referred to it “Potential
Horrifying Blazing Torch” that stood at the entrance to our house. And we cleared out the overgrown and kind of
scary backyard of dead trees and poisonous plants that were taking over the
place. Inside we have been painting and
painting, and with a new wall up and electricity finished we’ve been painting
Sydney’s new room. So we haven’t had
much time in our backyard to make it safe for Bradley or actually any fun
yet.
That’s about to change.
We are about to be getting super busy in the backyard and doing some
back breaking work in order to get ready for some miracle workers to come in
and grant Bradley’s Wish.
As I tell you what his Wish will be – I realize we should
have chosen Disney or Great Wolf Lodge as it would have been so much easier on
us! HAHA… But no, we chose what would make Bradley the
happiest. We requested some Backyard
help to create a place for Bradley to play so that when he is healthy he can
play every day. When he’s sick, it will
be there when he is healthy enough to go out and play again. There is no worry about him not remembering
his Wish, he will have it to see every day and his sisters’ can play and climb
with him on what sounds like will be a very cool play structure.
Now we just have to get this patio cover (that we planned to
take down at some point and replace – termite issue) down and start busting up
some of this older, uneven, and unsafe for Bradley (and really all of us)
concrete to make room for the magic to happen.
Although we have some open space at the other side near our bedroom, we
have two other kiddos, and next summer we hope to put up a stand up pool or a
large spa, something that all the kids will enjoy playing and cooling off in
when it gets so very hot again.
Remember, this is not a house with AC.
The house electrical panel is on the side with the patio and such….so we
have to clear that space out so that they have room to work and we have room to
plan something for the girls especially and for Bradley to enjoy too.
We were told it can take quite a while to get these things
moving, so we thought we had more time…but they are ready to do more
measurements and get things moving towards setup…YIKES! Remember, Blessings sometimes are not for the
faint of heart! It would take us years
to try to give something like this to Bradley, so we see how amazing this is,
we just have to work really hard to make sure it has the place to happen for
him because when kindness comes your way: it’s on the time of the magic makers
not on our timeline. So, we’ll be back
at it tomorrow, but I’ll be trying to pace us to get the work done but not let
it get too much for Dad. But the girls
and Bradley will be helping, which makes some of the work slower, and that’s
okay because watching Bradley carry bricks back to where I just picked them up
from is really kind of cute; albeit tiring.
He did start to get the idea today and began taking them from me and
handing them to Madison to go stack, so I foresee great help from him on this
project, and he might just sleep through the night for the next few nights…this
is hard work! J
So Bradley is going to get a Wish, and if we can help it,
Dad and I are going to try to make sure the girls know that they are something
special too. Having three happy kids
will be so worth the extra work! Cross
your fingers we can get it all done in time!!
Happy Friday night Folks!
If I can still pick my arms up tomorrow and make my fingers work, I will
be back at it tomorrow night with a progress report!
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Finally A Win!!
Day 20: Blog Challenge for Down Syndrome Awareness - 31 for 21!!!
What a day! So again, Facebook popped up with memories for me today, I might have mentioned that I love them. Along with all the amazing Buddy Walk pictures and memories that are popping up, there are of course blog posts as I have been doing this for a few years now. I thought today's memory of a certain blog post was quite apropos.
Today two years ago, we were living in San Diego, wondering where the Heck we were supposed to be now that life had thrown yet another wrench into the plans we had made. Eric had hurt his knee and with Navy Medicine being amazing unless you are Retired...we were beginning to see a very dim light of potential for the Police Department. As for other work...really difficult to find the work that would give us the kind of pay we needed to rent our own place and keep the kids in their schools.
A bright spot for us was the Sundays we spent in the free basketball clinic that the girls played in. Today, two years ago, I was writing about that clinic, mostly about that coach that spent some extra time to coach and teach Sydney. That coach that assessed a situation and made a change to put a player on her team that he knew would not discriminate because she was a girl, and would keep working to help bring out the competitor in her. That coach found the Basketball player inside Sydney that was a little afraid to play with the boys. His son, made sure she played and didn't have to be told by his dad to pass her the ball. It was about acceptance and kids who love the game, playing the game together. We were grateful and humbled and so very pleased!
And on to today. Although Madison still loves Basketball, she is not going to try out this year, though I think she should. Not knowing the coach, knowing a couple of the snootier freshman girls playing, Madison is not willing to put herself in the same position she had with Volleyball, it's just too much. Sydney didn't try out because she refused to miss her Volleyball game. Priorities in place, a coach shouldn't hold tryouts during another sport's game. That sucks. But she told me that she is more focused on Volleyball right now anyway. I said sure, whatever you want. Although softball is not off the table, that's a discussion for Spring as we see what they actually have time for, hmmm.
So today was another Volleyball game for Sydney's Middle School team. There are some pretty new at the sport girls, and though we see huge steps in improvement every game, we don't see much winning. But that's truly okay. We have one 8th grader, the rest are 7th graders, with a couple 6th graders. So we have lots of room to grow and keep improving. Believe me when I say, this year is a lot of fun. These girls are really cute, and they get so excited. Their ACE cheer for a serve that can't be passed is like two minutes long and really well choreographed, they get their game play down like that and they will be unstoppable! Like I said, they are really cute.
They have won a game twice but lost the Set. Until tonight, tonight they won their first Set in two games straight. It was really exciting! I had hoped it would happen at least once but was not very sure about it, until I watched them start gaining momentum in their first game. And I am proud to say that my daughter was a big part of this win tonight, but I am thrilled to say I am really proud of her contributions on and off the court.
Sydney is a pretty good player, and if you really want to know the truth, she is one of the best on the team. Her area of serving was lacking, for some reason she is over thinking her serve, worrying about it, something...so that she isn't getting her overhand serve over consistently. Every other area she is ranked at the top. And let me tell, this is the weirdest position I have ever been in in my life. Usually it was our kid on the bench getting subbed in for a few minutes of playing time on the courts; until, Madison's last year of Basketball, she started getting more and more play time. Still,watching your daughter taking the court as a starter is disconcerting and wonderful all at once. I'm that mom that cheers for everyone, so I am still cheering for everyone, but it's weird to be cheering for my kid all the time. She gets subbed out very rare, usually the other girls are the ones who get subbed. It's not like she isn't working for it either though, we spend quite a bit of time working on her skills here at home.
Still, it was a bitter pill to swallow when the coach asked her to serve underhand. We had a few tears over it, but I tried to be honest with her, making her see that the coach needs something from her, that her team needs something from her. So tonight she served underhand and rattled of seven or eight points to win the second game and complete the win of the Set. Their first win for her school and Sydney finished out the scoring, Like I said, it was really exciting.
But it is her behavior off and on the court that I am truly proud of. Sydney is a starter, and though it's rare, the coaches will sometimes sub her out. She comes to the side with a smile, she may not be happy about subbIng out, but she doesn't show that. She encourages her teammate, takes the chance to get water and then cheers on her team. She holds herself to very high standards and lately, when I talk with her I hear a strong competitive spirit come out. It's interesting to say the least. On the court she's a leader, she is encouraging her team, a missed play and she's working with her teammate to fix that area of a problem. Good plays and she's celebrating, bad plays, she is picking them up.
So yeah, she served out the last seven points to win the game and set, or match, that's what we always called them. But she was in the game, playing the game and pushing herself and others to be the best they could be, and it paid off tonight. I always love watching my kids play, tonight I loved watching her overcome how she felt about not serving overhand well enough and choosing to be a team player and serve underhand. She put the team first and it paid off for her in huge ways. I am so proud of this kid and who she is, the fact that she is a pretty good ball player and for this year at least, she's a starter is a nice perk. But life is fickle, and we know that really hard work is the only way she stays where she's at. But time will tell, and for now, we're loving watching our kid play volleyball - showing us deeper glimpses into the kind of person she will grow into being once she's an adult.
Acceptance is a beautiful thing. Her coach coming up after the game to tell her she is amazing is just the coolest thing to hear, but pretty cool too was seeing her coach run over to give Bradley knuckles because she loves seeing him at the games. Seeing Sydney's team gather around her and hug her because they won and her serves did it...beyond sweet! Good job #8!!! I love you Kid!!!
Happy Thursday night everyone!!
What a day! So again, Facebook popped up with memories for me today, I might have mentioned that I love them. Along with all the amazing Buddy Walk pictures and memories that are popping up, there are of course blog posts as I have been doing this for a few years now. I thought today's memory of a certain blog post was quite apropos.
Today two years ago, we were living in San Diego, wondering where the Heck we were supposed to be now that life had thrown yet another wrench into the plans we had made. Eric had hurt his knee and with Navy Medicine being amazing unless you are Retired...we were beginning to see a very dim light of potential for the Police Department. As for other work...really difficult to find the work that would give us the kind of pay we needed to rent our own place and keep the kids in their schools.
A bright spot for us was the Sundays we spent in the free basketball clinic that the girls played in. Today, two years ago, I was writing about that clinic, mostly about that coach that spent some extra time to coach and teach Sydney. That coach that assessed a situation and made a change to put a player on her team that he knew would not discriminate because she was a girl, and would keep working to help bring out the competitor in her. That coach found the Basketball player inside Sydney that was a little afraid to play with the boys. His son, made sure she played and didn't have to be told by his dad to pass her the ball. It was about acceptance and kids who love the game, playing the game together. We were grateful and humbled and so very pleased!
And on to today. Although Madison still loves Basketball, she is not going to try out this year, though I think she should. Not knowing the coach, knowing a couple of the snootier freshman girls playing, Madison is not willing to put herself in the same position she had with Volleyball, it's just too much. Sydney didn't try out because she refused to miss her Volleyball game. Priorities in place, a coach shouldn't hold tryouts during another sport's game. That sucks. But she told me that she is more focused on Volleyball right now anyway. I said sure, whatever you want. Although softball is not off the table, that's a discussion for Spring as we see what they actually have time for, hmmm.
So today was another Volleyball game for Sydney's Middle School team. There are some pretty new at the sport girls, and though we see huge steps in improvement every game, we don't see much winning. But that's truly okay. We have one 8th grader, the rest are 7th graders, with a couple 6th graders. So we have lots of room to grow and keep improving. Believe me when I say, this year is a lot of fun. These girls are really cute, and they get so excited. Their ACE cheer for a serve that can't be passed is like two minutes long and really well choreographed, they get their game play down like that and they will be unstoppable! Like I said, they are really cute.
They have won a game twice but lost the Set. Until tonight, tonight they won their first Set in two games straight. It was really exciting! I had hoped it would happen at least once but was not very sure about it, until I watched them start gaining momentum in their first game. And I am proud to say that my daughter was a big part of this win tonight, but I am thrilled to say I am really proud of her contributions on and off the court.
Sydney is a pretty good player, and if you really want to know the truth, she is one of the best on the team. Her area of serving was lacking, for some reason she is over thinking her serve, worrying about it, something...so that she isn't getting her overhand serve over consistently. Every other area she is ranked at the top. And let me tell, this is the weirdest position I have ever been in in my life. Usually it was our kid on the bench getting subbed in for a few minutes of playing time on the courts; until, Madison's last year of Basketball, she started getting more and more play time. Still,watching your daughter taking the court as a starter is disconcerting and wonderful all at once. I'm that mom that cheers for everyone, so I am still cheering for everyone, but it's weird to be cheering for my kid all the time. She gets subbed out very rare, usually the other girls are the ones who get subbed. It's not like she isn't working for it either though, we spend quite a bit of time working on her skills here at home.
Still, it was a bitter pill to swallow when the coach asked her to serve underhand. We had a few tears over it, but I tried to be honest with her, making her see that the coach needs something from her, that her team needs something from her. So tonight she served underhand and rattled of seven or eight points to win the second game and complete the win of the Set. Their first win for her school and Sydney finished out the scoring, Like I said, it was really exciting.
But it is her behavior off and on the court that I am truly proud of. Sydney is a starter, and though it's rare, the coaches will sometimes sub her out. She comes to the side with a smile, she may not be happy about subbIng out, but she doesn't show that. She encourages her teammate, takes the chance to get water and then cheers on her team. She holds herself to very high standards and lately, when I talk with her I hear a strong competitive spirit come out. It's interesting to say the least. On the court she's a leader, she is encouraging her team, a missed play and she's working with her teammate to fix that area of a problem. Good plays and she's celebrating, bad plays, she is picking them up.
So yeah, she served out the last seven points to win the game and set, or match, that's what we always called them. But she was in the game, playing the game and pushing herself and others to be the best they could be, and it paid off tonight. I always love watching my kids play, tonight I loved watching her overcome how she felt about not serving overhand well enough and choosing to be a team player and serve underhand. She put the team first and it paid off for her in huge ways. I am so proud of this kid and who she is, the fact that she is a pretty good ball player and for this year at least, she's a starter is a nice perk. But life is fickle, and we know that really hard work is the only way she stays where she's at. But time will tell, and for now, we're loving watching our kid play volleyball - showing us deeper glimpses into the kind of person she will grow into being once she's an adult.
Acceptance is a beautiful thing. Her coach coming up after the game to tell her she is amazing is just the coolest thing to hear, but pretty cool too was seeing her coach run over to give Bradley knuckles because she loves seeing him at the games. Seeing Sydney's team gather around her and hug her because they won and her serves did it...beyond sweet! Good job #8!!! I love you Kid!!!
Happy Thursday night everyone!!
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Buddy Walks Past
Day 19: 31 For 21 Blog Challenge for Down Syndrome Awareness
I might have mentioned that I love the feature on Facebook that allows me to see all the other posts that happened on this day over the last few years that I have had Facebook. It has reminded me of some amazing moments, some sad ones and it has shown me pictures that I haven't forgotten, but maybe haven't seen in a while. I love that.
This week has been a lot of pictures of past Buddy Walks. And it was with great joy and sadness that I looked through them. And we are going to do a Buddy Walk, but up here, and we're going to make a valiant effort to not miss the Santa Barbara Buddy Walk this year. And by effort I mean, man it's hard to hit because it is in June and not October/November the way San Diego and Anaheim plan theirs.
Our first Buddy Walk was when Bradley was ten months old and when we did the Buddy Walk we were overwhelmed by the turnout of our family and the incredible group of friends that had followed us from Japan and were stationed in San Diego then. All along, we knew that we were looking at a limited time with most of our friends, the Navy moves people around every two to four years, so we held each time with them as special. The Walk was special, we didn't really get to know that many people, we were trying to be with our group, spend time with our people and still walk. Bradley's second year, I was helping him walk. It was magical.
Over the years, we have had a steady crew that never let us done, always came out to be with us and we knew how Blessed we were to have them. With our incredible steady crew, we would get a different group of friends and family that would Bless us each year. Some would plan a surprise and some would plan a vacation from Japan to see Los Angeles and San Diego and make sure they were standing there ready to walk with us on Buddy Walk day. It was like our hearts were given a refill of love on these special days, in the hour of the walk, and then the hours spent together after as we shared a meal, laughter and love - we were slowly built up again, ready to confront the next challenge that Bradley had in store for us.
Our family is spread far and wide now, and by family I mean those that share our blood and those that chose to love us. The ones that send their love and support during every procedure and every hospital stay, no matter how short or how long. The ones that listen as I spill my fears in lines that may or may not make sense; depending on how troubled I am, and always offer their love and support to help stay on my feet and keep taking every next step. The ones that we would never have made it this far without.
There is no Buddy Walk in our area, we have to travel somewhere... but a couple years ago there was a small walk, a small gathering where we took a tour around a small little walking path around a really pretty park. And wouldn't you know, people we love came and walked with us there too.
And so spoiled as we are, we were hesitant to try the Anaheim Buddy Walk last year, with absolutely no idea what we were getting into, we didn't advertise too much our intent to walk. I should have kept the faith in our steady crew, I know of at least two who would have made it to walk with us. As it was though, we didn't get to do the whole walk. The weather was incredibly hot, so much that we watched Bradley just completely wilt before our eyes to the point that he had to be carried and fell asleep on Dad's shoulder as we walked. Though Bradley's stamina is improving, we rarely go anywhere without a stroller for him, he just doesn't get very far before he tires out. Last year, we got to the walk and discovered his stroller had a flat tire, and us without a spare. It seemed like one tough issue after another. In the end, as we walked around the outside of the stadium and got close to our car, we went ahead and headed out. Only we were disappointed, luckily none of our team had made it so they weren't left with: go on, go home, or join us for lunch near Disneyland?? Still, I missed everyone from our team.
Buddy Walks are fun, but when you don't know anyone, you learn how isolated we families truly are. It's one thing to smile and wave to the cuties that are running around the walks, it's another to start developing a friendship with someone simply because you both love someone with an extra chromosome. So families come with their own families and groups and try to outdo each other with their shirts and signs and whatnot. When we walked through Balboa, we loved the museums around us yes, but we truly loved spending hours eating Japanese food at the Japanese Café outside the Japanese Garden. There we could gather at tables close together and catch up on a year's worth of adventures and stories - picking up the threads of friendship and family like no time had passed.
That might be what I miss the most, the camaraderie that we shared, the laughter, the jokes as we teased each other. Favorite Facebook updates would be reviewed, the best Sydney Funnies would be voted and decided upon, some would encourage me that they read this Blog and that would be the fuel I needed to keep writing. All of it, knowingly or unknowingly, healing the past year's struggles and pain while prepping us for the next battles. These people, these unknowing heroes that came out to give their time and their hearts have no real clue the depth of gratitude their support deserves from us.
I always tried to find the words to send them thank you cards, to those that walked, to those that donated in Bradley's name. But truly there are no words to tell people how much their love means to you. Some might not see the love, but in the depths of the deepest wells of fear and pain - these are the days that I would think back on. These memories that are etched in my soul of the smiles, the hugs, those that held Bradley and my girls, these are the memories that helped me get through the hardest days. And they hold me over to this day, because we knew that life would take our family away...we knew that time and circumstance was making our trips to San Diego a little bit harder every year. We knew. And we have the memories in the pictures that remind us of the years of Buddy Walks where Blessings from above showered us with enough to last us for a lifetime.
We will still Buddy Walk, but in June, in Santa Barbara. We are thinking of a new Bradley's Buddy Brigade shirt that we can get made up early enough to send out to the "Team" and even if distance is a factor, perhaps walkers will wear his shirt and take a walk for Bradley and send us a bunch of pictures that will tie us all together again, and it won't be quite so lonely as a small little family adrift in a big crowd. We'll be one family tied together across miles and oceans and through it all the love will flow over and around us and in return our team will feel us loving each of them back. At least we can try.
Bradley's Buddy Brigade, you are the best group of people I have ever had the pleasure to love, thank you for all you have done for this little boy and this family. I miss each and everyone one of you, and my prayer is that God will send his Blessings to you in all your days.
Buddy Walk in June, start training now! ;-) Send me your shirt ideas, and let me know who's in... we'll walk this together the best way we can!
Happy Wednesday all!!
I might have mentioned that I love the feature on Facebook that allows me to see all the other posts that happened on this day over the last few years that I have had Facebook. It has reminded me of some amazing moments, some sad ones and it has shown me pictures that I haven't forgotten, but maybe haven't seen in a while. I love that.
This week has been a lot of pictures of past Buddy Walks. And it was with great joy and sadness that I looked through them. And we are going to do a Buddy Walk, but up here, and we're going to make a valiant effort to not miss the Santa Barbara Buddy Walk this year. And by effort I mean, man it's hard to hit because it is in June and not October/November the way San Diego and Anaheim plan theirs.
Our first Buddy Walk was when Bradley was ten months old and when we did the Buddy Walk we were overwhelmed by the turnout of our family and the incredible group of friends that had followed us from Japan and were stationed in San Diego then. All along, we knew that we were looking at a limited time with most of our friends, the Navy moves people around every two to four years, so we held each time with them as special. The Walk was special, we didn't really get to know that many people, we were trying to be with our group, spend time with our people and still walk. Bradley's second year, I was helping him walk. It was magical.
Over the years, we have had a steady crew that never let us done, always came out to be with us and we knew how Blessed we were to have them. With our incredible steady crew, we would get a different group of friends and family that would Bless us each year. Some would plan a surprise and some would plan a vacation from Japan to see Los Angeles and San Diego and make sure they were standing there ready to walk with us on Buddy Walk day. It was like our hearts were given a refill of love on these special days, in the hour of the walk, and then the hours spent together after as we shared a meal, laughter and love - we were slowly built up again, ready to confront the next challenge that Bradley had in store for us.
Our family is spread far and wide now, and by family I mean those that share our blood and those that chose to love us. The ones that send their love and support during every procedure and every hospital stay, no matter how short or how long. The ones that listen as I spill my fears in lines that may or may not make sense; depending on how troubled I am, and always offer their love and support to help stay on my feet and keep taking every next step. The ones that we would never have made it this far without.
There is no Buddy Walk in our area, we have to travel somewhere... but a couple years ago there was a small walk, a small gathering where we took a tour around a small little walking path around a really pretty park. And wouldn't you know, people we love came and walked with us there too.
And so spoiled as we are, we were hesitant to try the Anaheim Buddy Walk last year, with absolutely no idea what we were getting into, we didn't advertise too much our intent to walk. I should have kept the faith in our steady crew, I know of at least two who would have made it to walk with us. As it was though, we didn't get to do the whole walk. The weather was incredibly hot, so much that we watched Bradley just completely wilt before our eyes to the point that he had to be carried and fell asleep on Dad's shoulder as we walked. Though Bradley's stamina is improving, we rarely go anywhere without a stroller for him, he just doesn't get very far before he tires out. Last year, we got to the walk and discovered his stroller had a flat tire, and us without a spare. It seemed like one tough issue after another. In the end, as we walked around the outside of the stadium and got close to our car, we went ahead and headed out. Only we were disappointed, luckily none of our team had made it so they weren't left with: go on, go home, or join us for lunch near Disneyland?? Still, I missed everyone from our team.
Buddy Walks are fun, but when you don't know anyone, you learn how isolated we families truly are. It's one thing to smile and wave to the cuties that are running around the walks, it's another to start developing a friendship with someone simply because you both love someone with an extra chromosome. So families come with their own families and groups and try to outdo each other with their shirts and signs and whatnot. When we walked through Balboa, we loved the museums around us yes, but we truly loved spending hours eating Japanese food at the Japanese Café outside the Japanese Garden. There we could gather at tables close together and catch up on a year's worth of adventures and stories - picking up the threads of friendship and family like no time had passed.
That might be what I miss the most, the camaraderie that we shared, the laughter, the jokes as we teased each other. Favorite Facebook updates would be reviewed, the best Sydney Funnies would be voted and decided upon, some would encourage me that they read this Blog and that would be the fuel I needed to keep writing. All of it, knowingly or unknowingly, healing the past year's struggles and pain while prepping us for the next battles. These people, these unknowing heroes that came out to give their time and their hearts have no real clue the depth of gratitude their support deserves from us.
I always tried to find the words to send them thank you cards, to those that walked, to those that donated in Bradley's name. But truly there are no words to tell people how much their love means to you. Some might not see the love, but in the depths of the deepest wells of fear and pain - these are the days that I would think back on. These memories that are etched in my soul of the smiles, the hugs, those that held Bradley and my girls, these are the memories that helped me get through the hardest days. And they hold me over to this day, because we knew that life would take our family away...we knew that time and circumstance was making our trips to San Diego a little bit harder every year. We knew. And we have the memories in the pictures that remind us of the years of Buddy Walks where Blessings from above showered us with enough to last us for a lifetime.
We will still Buddy Walk, but in June, in Santa Barbara. We are thinking of a new Bradley's Buddy Brigade shirt that we can get made up early enough to send out to the "Team" and even if distance is a factor, perhaps walkers will wear his shirt and take a walk for Bradley and send us a bunch of pictures that will tie us all together again, and it won't be quite so lonely as a small little family adrift in a big crowd. We'll be one family tied together across miles and oceans and through it all the love will flow over and around us and in return our team will feel us loving each of them back. At least we can try.
Bradley's Buddy Brigade, you are the best group of people I have ever had the pleasure to love, thank you for all you have done for this little boy and this family. I miss each and everyone one of you, and my prayer is that God will send his Blessings to you in all your days.
Buddy Walk in June, start training now! ;-) Send me your shirt ideas, and let me know who's in... we'll walk this together the best way we can!
Happy Wednesday all!!
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Even Here, In This Quiet Little Town
Day 18: 31 For 21 Blog Challenge for Down Syndrome Awareness and Acceptance
Life is interesting, when you think it all makes sense, things fall apart. When you think you know someone, turns out you really don't. In our quiet, roll up the streets at 9pm, quiet little town, neighbors think they have an idea of who is next door, mostly though - we have no clue. A couple neighborhoods over, on a street that we looked at a house on, an unbearable tragedy has occurred. A man felt he had the right to take the life of his wife, the mother of his four children, and then attempted to take his life. She was dead at the scene, and he is in Critical at the hospital...apparently, three of the children were home at the time. Just like that, what ever life that they all thought they had, is over and will never be the same for anyone: their children, family, people who knew them, people who go to school with the children, the neighborhood, the town. Just like that. Unbelievable sadness.
So today in the car when I picked them up from school I talked to my girls about Domestic Violence. I never stop at if you're hit leave, because it is never that simple. Instead, I talked about different ways that a person can become so trapped in a dangerous relationship. I explained what the different types of abuse can be, with examples of red flags to direct them to flee. Eric and I have always, always told the girls that there is a place for them with us. Today I reminded them, they can always come home. We talked about isolation, how it can slowly start to happen and slowly take over everything until they could feel they are completely alone except for the abuser. I told them: "There will never be a time your dad and I don't want to see you. Never believe it if someone tells you that. Always know, you are welcome at home, wanted here and always loved." We try to remind them of things that are said in order to scare someone into silence and then we counter them.
No one is going to hurt us, and even if they did - keeping our girls safe would be worth it. But Daddy knows how to use his guns, and mom knows some good stuff too. We are not afraid to protect them. Someone in power will not hold power over us, I could lose my house and money and would still protect my child from an abuser. We want them to know that there are always new tricks, new tactics that abusers take to try and keep their victim in line; we want the girls to know we will fight every trick and every tactic. Always. Because it can happen to anyone and before a person realizes it's happening, we try to walk them through scenarios and help them recognize future warning signs. Help them recognize that things can change in a heartbeat without a moment's notice.
I have no clue what happened in that house. I don't know if they fought all the time, she was leaving and he couldn't take it, maybe she burnt dinner and he's had it. I don't know and may never know, but I do know that she didn't deserve this, and even if some how, some way someone can prove she did - I still won't believe it - but I know that her children don't deserve this at all. I will never understand how someone can make a choice to take the life of someone you once loved (might still) and rip her from her children?
If things have fallen apart, please just walk away. Hate your spouse/ex if you must, but remember that you love your children more than life itself. Being an adult is hard, a parent really hard, but on your worst day - remember the little people that you helped create and remember that you love them, whether you love their other parent or not. The impact of this event will create tidal waves through the community. We will support where we can, and from I have been told, we are quite certain that we didn't know the parents and don't know the kids. And we are grateful. How sad I know... but we are grateful that we carry this residual regret for the wasted lives and not full blown loss of someone we knew and loved, this regret and the grief from knowing...that is quite heavy already.
As I hugged my girls tighter today, and held Bradley longer, snuggled closer, I cherished this life that we have. I love my husband and he loves me, but we have understandings that should the worst happen in our relationship, that we each will be grown up about things, that the kids will not be pawns and we won't hurt each other through the kids. Maybe we stand a better chance because we have these open dialogs that leave us sad to consider but more inclined to snuggle in and appreciate what we have. I still feel good about us, and I like our chances. We both are working pretty hard to keep our happily ever after alive and well... November 8th will be nineteen years and counting. As much as I love my other half...I love my cookies, and know that each is one precious part of what makes our family whole.
We want to protect our kids today and try to give them the framework for them to protect themselves when they are older. I want my children to know that they have value to me, that they matter to me and I am better as a person and a mom because I have been given these kids to guide and help grow. There is never a moment that I don't know how Blessed we are, and I find myself often looking at the man I married; the one I truly love, and smiling because we made these three kids. These little people are growing into exceptional people and I am so proud of them: the drama, the static, the extra chromosome...none of it truly matters when I am holding on tight and loving them with all I have.
Thanking the Lord for another day with this family and all the love and chaos that makes us whole. Praying for the family that has lost so much, that someday peace will hold them close and ease this pain and terror. So unbelievably sad.
Life is interesting, when you think it all makes sense, things fall apart. When you think you know someone, turns out you really don't. In our quiet, roll up the streets at 9pm, quiet little town, neighbors think they have an idea of who is next door, mostly though - we have no clue. A couple neighborhoods over, on a street that we looked at a house on, an unbearable tragedy has occurred. A man felt he had the right to take the life of his wife, the mother of his four children, and then attempted to take his life. She was dead at the scene, and he is in Critical at the hospital...apparently, three of the children were home at the time. Just like that, what ever life that they all thought they had, is over and will never be the same for anyone: their children, family, people who knew them, people who go to school with the children, the neighborhood, the town. Just like that. Unbelievable sadness.
So today in the car when I picked them up from school I talked to my girls about Domestic Violence. I never stop at if you're hit leave, because it is never that simple. Instead, I talked about different ways that a person can become so trapped in a dangerous relationship. I explained what the different types of abuse can be, with examples of red flags to direct them to flee. Eric and I have always, always told the girls that there is a place for them with us. Today I reminded them, they can always come home. We talked about isolation, how it can slowly start to happen and slowly take over everything until they could feel they are completely alone except for the abuser. I told them: "There will never be a time your dad and I don't want to see you. Never believe it if someone tells you that. Always know, you are welcome at home, wanted here and always loved." We try to remind them of things that are said in order to scare someone into silence and then we counter them.
No one is going to hurt us, and even if they did - keeping our girls safe would be worth it. But Daddy knows how to use his guns, and mom knows some good stuff too. We are not afraid to protect them. Someone in power will not hold power over us, I could lose my house and money and would still protect my child from an abuser. We want them to know that there are always new tricks, new tactics that abusers take to try and keep their victim in line; we want the girls to know we will fight every trick and every tactic. Always. Because it can happen to anyone and before a person realizes it's happening, we try to walk them through scenarios and help them recognize future warning signs. Help them recognize that things can change in a heartbeat without a moment's notice.
I have no clue what happened in that house. I don't know if they fought all the time, she was leaving and he couldn't take it, maybe she burnt dinner and he's had it. I don't know and may never know, but I do know that she didn't deserve this, and even if some how, some way someone can prove she did - I still won't believe it - but I know that her children don't deserve this at all. I will never understand how someone can make a choice to take the life of someone you once loved (might still) and rip her from her children?
If things have fallen apart, please just walk away. Hate your spouse/ex if you must, but remember that you love your children more than life itself. Being an adult is hard, a parent really hard, but on your worst day - remember the little people that you helped create and remember that you love them, whether you love their other parent or not. The impact of this event will create tidal waves through the community. We will support where we can, and from I have been told, we are quite certain that we didn't know the parents and don't know the kids. And we are grateful. How sad I know... but we are grateful that we carry this residual regret for the wasted lives and not full blown loss of someone we knew and loved, this regret and the grief from knowing...that is quite heavy already.
As I hugged my girls tighter today, and held Bradley longer, snuggled closer, I cherished this life that we have. I love my husband and he loves me, but we have understandings that should the worst happen in our relationship, that we each will be grown up about things, that the kids will not be pawns and we won't hurt each other through the kids. Maybe we stand a better chance because we have these open dialogs that leave us sad to consider but more inclined to snuggle in and appreciate what we have. I still feel good about us, and I like our chances. We both are working pretty hard to keep our happily ever after alive and well... November 8th will be nineteen years and counting. As much as I love my other half...I love my cookies, and know that each is one precious part of what makes our family whole.
We want to protect our kids today and try to give them the framework for them to protect themselves when they are older. I want my children to know that they have value to me, that they matter to me and I am better as a person and a mom because I have been given these kids to guide and help grow. There is never a moment that I don't know how Blessed we are, and I find myself often looking at the man I married; the one I truly love, and smiling because we made these three kids. These little people are growing into exceptional people and I am so proud of them: the drama, the static, the extra chromosome...none of it truly matters when I am holding on tight and loving them with all I have.
Thanking the Lord for another day with this family and all the love and chaos that makes us whole. Praying for the family that has lost so much, that someday peace will hold them close and ease this pain and terror. So unbelievably sad.
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