Day 18: 31 For 21 Blog Challenge for Down Syndrome Awareness and Acceptance
Life is interesting, when you think it all makes sense, things fall apart. When you think you know someone, turns out you really don't. In our quiet, roll up the streets at 9pm, quiet little town, neighbors think they have an idea of who is next door, mostly though - we have no clue. A couple neighborhoods over, on a street that we looked at a house on, an unbearable tragedy has occurred. A man felt he had the right to take the life of his wife, the mother of his four children, and then attempted to take his life. She was dead at the scene, and he is in Critical at the hospital...apparently, three of the children were home at the time. Just like that, what ever life that they all thought they had, is over and will never be the same for anyone: their children, family, people who knew them, people who go to school with the children, the neighborhood, the town. Just like that. Unbelievable sadness.
So today in the car when I picked them up from school I talked to my girls about Domestic Violence. I never stop at if you're hit leave, because it is never that simple. Instead, I talked about different ways that a person can become so trapped in a dangerous relationship. I explained what the different types of abuse can be, with examples of red flags to direct them to flee. Eric and I have always, always told the girls that there is a place for them with us. Today I reminded them, they can always come home. We talked about isolation, how it can slowly start to happen and slowly take over everything until they could feel they are completely alone except for the abuser. I told them: "There will never be a time your dad and I don't want to see you. Never believe it if someone tells you that. Always know, you are welcome at home, wanted here and always loved." We try to remind them of things that are said in order to scare someone into silence and then we counter them.
No one is going to hurt us, and even if they did - keeping our girls safe would be worth it. But Daddy knows how to use his guns, and mom knows some good stuff too. We are not afraid to protect them. Someone in power will not hold power over us, I could lose my house and money and would still protect my child from an abuser. We want them to know that there are always new tricks, new tactics that abusers take to try and keep their victim in line; we want the girls to know we will fight every trick and every tactic. Always. Because it can happen to anyone and before a person realizes it's happening, we try to walk them through scenarios and help them recognize future warning signs. Help them recognize that things can change in a heartbeat without a moment's notice.
I have no clue what happened in that house. I don't know if they fought all the time, she was leaving and he couldn't take it, maybe she burnt dinner and he's had it. I don't know and may never know, but I do know that she didn't deserve this, and even if some how, some way someone can prove she did - I still won't believe it - but I know that her children don't deserve this at all. I will never understand how someone can make a choice to take the life of someone you once loved (might still) and rip her from her children?
If things have fallen apart, please just walk away. Hate your spouse/ex if you must, but remember that you love your children more than life itself. Being an adult is hard, a parent really hard, but on your worst day - remember the little people that you helped create and remember that you love them, whether you love their other parent or not. The impact of this event will create tidal waves through the community. We will support where we can, and from I have been told, we are quite certain that we didn't know the parents and don't know the kids. And we are grateful. How sad I know... but we are grateful that we carry this residual regret for the wasted lives and not full blown loss of someone we knew and loved, this regret and the grief from knowing...that is quite heavy already.
As I hugged my girls tighter today, and held Bradley longer, snuggled closer, I cherished this life that we have. I love my husband and he loves me, but we have understandings that should the worst happen in our relationship, that we each will be grown up about things, that the kids will not be pawns and we won't hurt each other through the kids. Maybe we stand a better chance because we have these open dialogs that leave us sad to consider but more inclined to snuggle in and appreciate what we have. I still feel good about us, and I like our chances. We both are working pretty hard to keep our happily ever after alive and well... November 8th will be nineteen years and counting. As much as I love my other half...I love my cookies, and know that each is one precious part of what makes our family whole.
We want to protect our kids today and try to give them the framework for them to protect themselves when they are older. I want my children to know that they have value to me, that they matter to me and I am better as a person and a mom because I have been given these kids to guide and help grow. There is never a moment that I don't know how Blessed we are, and I find myself often looking at the man I married; the one I truly love, and smiling because we made these three kids. These little people are growing into exceptional people and I am so proud of them: the drama, the static, the extra chromosome...none of it truly matters when I am holding on tight and loving them with all I have.
Thanking the Lord for another day with this family and all the love and chaos that makes us whole. Praying for the family that has lost so much, that someday peace will hold them close and ease this pain and terror. So unbelievably sad.
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