Looking through Facebook memories, I always catch my breath at all the updates for the surgeries that Bradley had been through. Reading through them, I still go back to those moments and remember how it felt to be in there. For the first few years of his life, Eric and I lived in survival mode. There were so many health issues for him, and they all piled up on top of each it her. At times, we were fighting on multiple fronts; and to be honest, we were in the middle of a war as his little body fought hard being here. The stark reality was that the saying that tomorrow isn’t promised any of us, became a haunting truth. Bradley’s tomorrows were iffy at times and we worked diligently to battle on his behalf.
As much as these years were difficult on Bradley and his little body, they’ve not left the rest of us unscathed. The kind of people that my daughters are becoming are direct results from lifetimes they have lived. At sixteen and a half, Madison has been an only child and then the oldest of two for almost eight years, and now the oldest of three for another eight years. She was the spoiled only and then the focus of her mom while Dad was in the Navy and work for mom was intermittent. Sydney was a baby sister, the baby of the family...spoiled of course. She was my constant companion to most of the places I worked at in Japan, only going to daycare on occasion for some of my work. They both remember life before Bradley. I like to think that they remember and cling to their time in Japan because it was so special, I sometimes wonder if they are reacting to holding onto those memories of life before Bradley, before things got so heavy...so real. I remind myself that the girls were so little when we got to Japan that they see that as the place they grew up. Madison has no memory of El Centro, while neither have many snippets of our brief time in Hemet before returning to Japan. Besides, we traveled there with Halloween costumes, because we landed on October 29th...so we arrived near a kids most exciting holiday besides Christmas, definitely memorable.
Then the lifetime after Bradley was born. Madison was ecstatic to get a baby brother, Sydney wanted a baby sister...but she adjusted well enough. Sydney chose to stay with ‘Uncle Chris’ and ‘Aunt Sonya’ while Madison spent the day at the hospital with us a couple days after he was born; but at five, she was much more interested in playgrounds and the ice cream that was almost always a guarantee when the girls were with them. 😁. Even later, Madison was the one to wanted to visit Bradley at the hospital, Sydney was pretty quiet about that - I think hospitals scared her. The funny thing is that Madison is terrified of needles, always has been, while Sydney has never been bothered.
Today, they are so alike in so many ways that they irritate each other, often. And yet, their differences are so vast. Where Madison brings everybody in and close, Sydney keeps a distance while she assesses people. I would say one forgives and the other doesn’t, but though Sydney is less forgiving than Madison (who forgives everything), there are some instances where Sydney forgives to a fault as well. They are both big hearted girls and while Madison sees the best in each person, Sydney will overlook some of the faults and if there are too many, then she’ll leave them in peace (or pieces if deserved) and walk away.
They are both a product of their time before and after their brother’s arrival. Madison wants to be a part of his care similar to how Eric and I take care of Bradley. Sydney will, but she’s more hands off with the care and rather just be a buddy. But that always reminds me of when Bradley was out of his first surgery and Eric would help me get Bradley prepped for bed and nighttime feeds (definitely a daunting task each day). Sydney would have to wait until one of us could read to her or help settle her for bed. She used to tell us she didn’t see why we both had to do it, and the nights that Bradley wanted mommy not daddy - one unhappy camper for sure. Now she doesn’t shun us or anything, but just like she put herself to sleep as an infant...she manages a lot of her life on her own too. My kids are teens and spend a lot of time in their rooms and that’s okay and not unexpected. It would bother me if they didn’t both come running when we sit down at night and ask if they want to watch something. So despite how Sydney keeps the world back just a bit, that’s just who she is, and that’s okay. And Madison is all in until you shut her down or offer no reason or have no apology, then she walks away. Strong girls, compassionate and kind too - but both know there is a lot to learn from this world, and neither is afraid to jump in and get to it.
There are other moments in my Facebook memory that leave me breathless, but those are the ones that make me laugh out loud as I relive a Sydney story or a Madison moment. Sometimes Bradley is actually the easiest one; just like we were promised, and sometimes raising teenage girls proves that this is not for the faint of heart. But this is the life we are Blessed to live and we’re all in. The good the bad, the scary and the glorious, the curses and the miracles... one step at a time, side by side, one family - stronger together.
Thursday, October 11, 2018
Wednesday, October 10, 2018
Communicating? Yes, Please!
Over the years, we have tried and tried to find Bradley’s voice and create communication with him. We have sat through endless hours of “Signing Time,” using cards to teach signs, using repetition to teach words and desperately holding out for a day that he can communicate effectively with more than just his family, and might even put words together for sentences.
School has been a gift and a curse sort of experience for Bradley and those of us who love him. He is getting speech at school and they sign with him and they model the words he needs to hear and he will sometimes say the words back. But spontaneousl language is little to none. In a large school, where he can get separated from his class during an emergency...in a large world where he is showing signs of bolting as his attention is captured by Lord only knows what...his inability to communicate is huge.In his own classroom, getting his needs met is paramount; not just for his safety, but for his well-being and his happiness.
My sweet friend, who adores my son looked at me last year and told me that despite her own signing ability, she wouldn’t be able to talk to Bradley effectively in an emergency. She is in the Special Ed field and is phenomenal, the kiddos that get to work with her are the lucky ones...and we live hours apart. Ugh! But she was right, and she was hitting the one point in my huge world of worries that had been weighing on me. When we had Bradley’s IEP last May, we hit the subject heavy, asking for help in trying to figure out a way for Bradley to be able to somehow communicate in an emergency, with communicating in his everyday life a bonus.
So at the beginning of October, a specialist came in and provided an assessment of Bradley and what she considers our best means to help our son start to find his voice, whether we hear it or see it, or just have some means to know what he is trying to say or what he needs. Bradley’s speech therapist felt that his incredible aptitude with his IPad would prove for this to be the right time for him to try an Assistive Technology Device. This assessment was going to determine if that was the path we would take with him.
I went in ready for negatives and little to no help; not to sure why exactly, just that IPads are so expensive and no one likes to put the money out unless they absolutely have no other choice. Anyway, the assessor was very nice, and her interpretation of her assessment was more positive in person that it was in what we read through at home. Based on his speech therapist’s recommendation, she also feels an IPad is his best means to further his ability to communicate. I was encouraged by the fact that Bradley was repeating the words from each program, but he wasn’t interested enough in most to reach out and touch the different prompts. In the program that he uses with his speech teacher, he was interested in exploring some of the tabs and looking into folders. Based on that alone, we are going to put our first trial into that program.
Bradley will get the IPad in November, we will all get training, and then it won’t leave his side for sixty school days of trial. The good news is that the sixty days is not set in stone, if a bit more time is needed he’ll get it. More comforting is that if this doesn’t work then there are other options. And if he can learn to work through this system, more advanced systems are waiting for him to grow into.
My last requirement was that the IPad be in a strong case. Originally, the IPad wouldn’t have a case until after the trial. My guy gets frustrated trying to learn new things, my guy will swipe and throw for no reason whatsoever...so I am not on board with a school IPad he could potentially damage through frustration, through boredom, through some triggering in his brain, or the darn thing sliding out of his little boy non-dexterous fingers. Um, mom is not the queen of grace either, he might get that unfortunate trait from me. Oy! So a case will be provided too.
So begins a new adventure in Bradley’s world. There is so much potential riding on this, but it’s all up to what Bradley can handle, what he can do, and what he will choose to do. At least we are approaching an open door of opportunity and we’re not having to fight our way to it. I think he’s at the right age to give it a try, but we’ll see. Like in most things Bradley: time will tell.p
My prayer is that my son will talk to me, to Eric, to his sisters. My wish is that he will be able to open up his world and start talking to the people he meets daily. My hope is that if communication improves, his frustrations will lessen - not go away, but be something he can tell me about for us to work on. Cautiously optimistic and curious about what the next few months to a year might bring. Oh boy! May the changes coming prove to be the positive ones that he enjoys and embraces! Whole new world here we come!
School has been a gift and a curse sort of experience for Bradley and those of us who love him. He is getting speech at school and they sign with him and they model the words he needs to hear and he will sometimes say the words back. But spontaneousl language is little to none. In a large school, where he can get separated from his class during an emergency...in a large world where he is showing signs of bolting as his attention is captured by Lord only knows what...his inability to communicate is huge.In his own classroom, getting his needs met is paramount; not just for his safety, but for his well-being and his happiness.
My sweet friend, who adores my son looked at me last year and told me that despite her own signing ability, she wouldn’t be able to talk to Bradley effectively in an emergency. She is in the Special Ed field and is phenomenal, the kiddos that get to work with her are the lucky ones...and we live hours apart. Ugh! But she was right, and she was hitting the one point in my huge world of worries that had been weighing on me. When we had Bradley’s IEP last May, we hit the subject heavy, asking for help in trying to figure out a way for Bradley to be able to somehow communicate in an emergency, with communicating in his everyday life a bonus.
So at the beginning of October, a specialist came in and provided an assessment of Bradley and what she considers our best means to help our son start to find his voice, whether we hear it or see it, or just have some means to know what he is trying to say or what he needs. Bradley’s speech therapist felt that his incredible aptitude with his IPad would prove for this to be the right time for him to try an Assistive Technology Device. This assessment was going to determine if that was the path we would take with him.
I went in ready for negatives and little to no help; not to sure why exactly, just that IPads are so expensive and no one likes to put the money out unless they absolutely have no other choice. Anyway, the assessor was very nice, and her interpretation of her assessment was more positive in person that it was in what we read through at home. Based on his speech therapist’s recommendation, she also feels an IPad is his best means to further his ability to communicate. I was encouraged by the fact that Bradley was repeating the words from each program, but he wasn’t interested enough in most to reach out and touch the different prompts. In the program that he uses with his speech teacher, he was interested in exploring some of the tabs and looking into folders. Based on that alone, we are going to put our first trial into that program.
Bradley will get the IPad in November, we will all get training, and then it won’t leave his side for sixty school days of trial. The good news is that the sixty days is not set in stone, if a bit more time is needed he’ll get it. More comforting is that if this doesn’t work then there are other options. And if he can learn to work through this system, more advanced systems are waiting for him to grow into.
My last requirement was that the IPad be in a strong case. Originally, the IPad wouldn’t have a case until after the trial. My guy gets frustrated trying to learn new things, my guy will swipe and throw for no reason whatsoever...so I am not on board with a school IPad he could potentially damage through frustration, through boredom, through some triggering in his brain, or the darn thing sliding out of his little boy non-dexterous fingers. Um, mom is not the queen of grace either, he might get that unfortunate trait from me. Oy! So a case will be provided too.
So begins a new adventure in Bradley’s world. There is so much potential riding on this, but it’s all up to what Bradley can handle, what he can do, and what he will choose to do. At least we are approaching an open door of opportunity and we’re not having to fight our way to it. I think he’s at the right age to give it a try, but we’ll see. Like in most things Bradley: time will tell.p
My prayer is that my son will talk to me, to Eric, to his sisters. My wish is that he will be able to open up his world and start talking to the people he meets daily. My hope is that if communication improves, his frustrations will lessen - not go away, but be something he can tell me about for us to work on. Cautiously optimistic and curious about what the next few months to a year might bring. Oh boy! May the changes coming prove to be the positive ones that he enjoys and embraces! Whole new world here we come!
Tuesday, October 9, 2018
End of High School Ball 2018
And so another school volleyball season has come to a close.
Today was the last game for Sydney’s Freshman Volleyball team. She ended the season same as she started it, starting in the Libero jersey. She would only start one other time this season, and that was when the Varsity coach took over for the Freshman coach when he couldn’t make it to the JV tournament. I think the most bizarre aspect of a season of high school volleyball was the continued struggle to try to understand the plan, and to figure out whether a coach is going to support our player, this year, next year, or not. I remember playing and it wasn’t a given if you made the team every year but it also wasn’t a complicated mystery either. You felt pretty good about it, or you just sort of stopped. Coaches were tough, and sometimes they were fair, sometimes they weren’t but everyone knew they belonged if they were handed a jersey. Not so much at this school.
Still, Sydney had a great year. She played the position she was asked to play, in the role she was asked to play, and she performed really well. Her team mates recognized her play even when the coach didn’t and along the way; sometimes, there was encouragement from other coaches too. Those moments I think were the parts that helped her keep moving forward through each practice and each game. Hers was a name that was being mentioned through the other team levels: one because of her play, and then because of her personality. Her humor and her compassion were noted, but so was her stinging truth that didn’t much care what a Varsity player thought. My kid doesn’t walk around slinging arrows, but let someone lob a volley her way and she is quite adept at slinging them back with force and precision.
But for all the incredible plays, the ace serves, and the stuff that didn’t go as planned; I will remember this year for her big heart. The Varsity girls chose a freshman girl to be a big “sister” too. More than likely, Sydney was chosen last because of her connection to her sister and that teams connection to Madison. However it happened, Sydney’s name was picked up by a sweet, and really excellent volleyball player who happened to also be out for a concussion. In a way it was kind of sweet since Sydney started the summer session with a concussion herself. Anyway, this poor girl has been out of school for months and has missed the majority of her Senior year Varsity volleyball because of hers. But in all time that Sydney watched all the other Freshmen got their little gifts from the Varsity players each home game, only once did she say it was kind of a bummer, but also said it was okay that she didn’t.
At the last home game, Sydney took the time to speak with a family friend of her big “sister” to learn some of the things that she likes. This weekend, she went to the mall with her friends, and while she was there she bought things with this girl in mind - things that Sydney hoped would bring comfort to her. The last things we put in her gift bag was a super soft blanket and a card, then Sydney handed everything off to the family friend for delivery. Here’s hoping that she feels some joy from the gifts and not just in that ‘it’s the thought that counts’ but in that she actually enjoys some of the things that were chosen for her, and might even help her feel better along the way.
I was worried about this team. I was worried that the lack of compassion, the disinterest would somehow taint my daughter’s spirit. But the Freshman team spun in their own circle, and the girls were kind and respectful, keeping their dislikes to themselves or in small private groups. To each other we saw respect and patience. And though they all agreed that the Varsity girls were really horrible, they still tried to cheer them on and be a presence for them.
I worried about my kid, but she did well. Sydney has a tough skin, she isn’t one to shirk from confrontation but she’s also not one to be mean or belittle someone. Over all, her play was excellent, and her attitude and her sportsmanship were excellent as well. She brought dignity, respect, humor, compassion, and kindness to her team and her coaches - I am extremely proud of her. Her team finished tied for first, and that’s pretty good too. But at the end of the day, Sydney proved her character and that’s the most important thing.
Who knows what the next year will bring, but for now...a nice note to end on and prep her transition to Club ball. For us, Club season is something we look forward to because then we get to watch both our girls play a sport they love, and we love watching them! For now, we just move forward to the next thing and we’ll follow Sydney’s lead as she determines if she wants to try out for High School ball next season or not. She doesn’t really have a good relationship with the notion of quit...so I imagine we’ll be stressing through tryouts again next year. Sigh....
Today was the last game for Sydney’s Freshman Volleyball team. She ended the season same as she started it, starting in the Libero jersey. She would only start one other time this season, and that was when the Varsity coach took over for the Freshman coach when he couldn’t make it to the JV tournament. I think the most bizarre aspect of a season of high school volleyball was the continued struggle to try to understand the plan, and to figure out whether a coach is going to support our player, this year, next year, or not. I remember playing and it wasn’t a given if you made the team every year but it also wasn’t a complicated mystery either. You felt pretty good about it, or you just sort of stopped. Coaches were tough, and sometimes they were fair, sometimes they weren’t but everyone knew they belonged if they were handed a jersey. Not so much at this school.
Still, Sydney had a great year. She played the position she was asked to play, in the role she was asked to play, and she performed really well. Her team mates recognized her play even when the coach didn’t and along the way; sometimes, there was encouragement from other coaches too. Those moments I think were the parts that helped her keep moving forward through each practice and each game. Hers was a name that was being mentioned through the other team levels: one because of her play, and then because of her personality. Her humor and her compassion were noted, but so was her stinging truth that didn’t much care what a Varsity player thought. My kid doesn’t walk around slinging arrows, but let someone lob a volley her way and she is quite adept at slinging them back with force and precision.
But for all the incredible plays, the ace serves, and the stuff that didn’t go as planned; I will remember this year for her big heart. The Varsity girls chose a freshman girl to be a big “sister” too. More than likely, Sydney was chosen last because of her connection to her sister and that teams connection to Madison. However it happened, Sydney’s name was picked up by a sweet, and really excellent volleyball player who happened to also be out for a concussion. In a way it was kind of sweet since Sydney started the summer session with a concussion herself. Anyway, this poor girl has been out of school for months and has missed the majority of her Senior year Varsity volleyball because of hers. But in all time that Sydney watched all the other Freshmen got their little gifts from the Varsity players each home game, only once did she say it was kind of a bummer, but also said it was okay that she didn’t.
At the last home game, Sydney took the time to speak with a family friend of her big “sister” to learn some of the things that she likes. This weekend, she went to the mall with her friends, and while she was there she bought things with this girl in mind - things that Sydney hoped would bring comfort to her. The last things we put in her gift bag was a super soft blanket and a card, then Sydney handed everything off to the family friend for delivery. Here’s hoping that she feels some joy from the gifts and not just in that ‘it’s the thought that counts’ but in that she actually enjoys some of the things that were chosen for her, and might even help her feel better along the way.
I was worried about this team. I was worried that the lack of compassion, the disinterest would somehow taint my daughter’s spirit. But the Freshman team spun in their own circle, and the girls were kind and respectful, keeping their dislikes to themselves or in small private groups. To each other we saw respect and patience. And though they all agreed that the Varsity girls were really horrible, they still tried to cheer them on and be a presence for them.
I worried about my kid, but she did well. Sydney has a tough skin, she isn’t one to shirk from confrontation but she’s also not one to be mean or belittle someone. Over all, her play was excellent, and her attitude and her sportsmanship were excellent as well. She brought dignity, respect, humor, compassion, and kindness to her team and her coaches - I am extremely proud of her. Her team finished tied for first, and that’s pretty good too. But at the end of the day, Sydney proved her character and that’s the most important thing.
Who knows what the next year will bring, but for now...a nice note to end on and prep her transition to Club ball. For us, Club season is something we look forward to because then we get to watch both our girls play a sport they love, and we love watching them! For now, we just move forward to the next thing and we’ll follow Sydney’s lead as she determines if she wants to try out for High School ball next season or not. She doesn’t really have a good relationship with the notion of quit...so I imagine we’ll be stressing through tryouts again next year. Sigh....
Monday, October 8, 2018
Monday!!
As Monday’s go, well... every year this is probably my favorite Monday of the year. Old school folks call it Columbus Day, new age folks choose another name for it...I call it Columbus Day. And I love Columbus Day for the simple reason that it is still a Federal Holiday, which means my guy has the day off work every Columbus Day. And while my kids grumble on the way to school, he and I send them on their way and then we go have breakfast or something else datelike. It’s the BEST! And usually each year includes a nap. It’s crazy at our house people. No really, our house is busy and crazy so when we get a kid free morning...we mutually and silently agree that a nap is mandatory. 😉.
And then when the bus got here, Bradley was over-joyed to see Daddy waiting to greet him off the bus. Maybe leaving the bus isn’t so bad after all. Haha. So we ate sandwiches for lunch, well ... Dad and I ate sandwiches, while Bradley took like two bites and then managed to mow through more than his fair share of Potato chips. By then the girls were home from school too. They retreat to their rooms for homework while Bradley, Dad and I hang out together all over the place - because Bradley can’t seem to stay in one place for very long. Good grief.
Dad went off to class while the girls and Bradley and I headed up the hill to Sports Academy where the girls would try on the rest of their uniforms before ordering. They are so excited they could barely contain themselves. Maybe with that excitement in them it helped power a really great Volleyball clinic for the girls which was really fun to watch. At the same time, I was able to spend the time catching up with a dear friend whose daughter plays on Sydney’s team.
As for Bradley, he had a busy night. Once we got up there, I pulled him out of his stroller and he ran around amongst all the people looking for his sisters. After making sure they were actually there, he then proceeded to run around and visit everyone else, frequesntly stopping at random gentlemen to try and take their hands and/or hug them, to which I kept repeating, “ That’s not Daddy” followed by “I’m so sorry!” Good news, not one of them overly reacted in any negative way, though a few kind of grinned and then moved away. But hey, is what it is after all.
So after making three breaks for the volleyball courts, I managed to get Bradley to explore the non-Court areas and then after turning in circles quite a bit telling me that he was overwhelmed, I asked if he wanted his movie, to which he told me yes, and when we got over to his stroller, he climbed up and settled in for it. A few minutes later and he was asleep. A bit later, I tried to take his movie, it woke him up enough to have him sit up, turn it on and then asked to finally eat. Power nap I guess.
By the time we left he was ready for bed, so that when we got home it was jammies, meds and he was down for the count on the changing table before even getting to his bed. A busy night for the girls and the little boy, and now all three ar sacked out, storing endless energy for another run at the world tomorrow. Madison will head to ASL after school and Bradley and I will be taking Sydney to her last Volleyball game for the High School Season. Just another busy Tuesday.
Now you know why naps fall into the mandatory category when the chances arrive, life is busy and exhausting...but for the most part, a lot of fun.
And then when the bus got here, Bradley was over-joyed to see Daddy waiting to greet him off the bus. Maybe leaving the bus isn’t so bad after all. Haha. So we ate sandwiches for lunch, well ... Dad and I ate sandwiches, while Bradley took like two bites and then managed to mow through more than his fair share of Potato chips. By then the girls were home from school too. They retreat to their rooms for homework while Bradley, Dad and I hang out together all over the place - because Bradley can’t seem to stay in one place for very long. Good grief.
Dad went off to class while the girls and Bradley and I headed up the hill to Sports Academy where the girls would try on the rest of their uniforms before ordering. They are so excited they could barely contain themselves. Maybe with that excitement in them it helped power a really great Volleyball clinic for the girls which was really fun to watch. At the same time, I was able to spend the time catching up with a dear friend whose daughter plays on Sydney’s team.
As for Bradley, he had a busy night. Once we got up there, I pulled him out of his stroller and he ran around amongst all the people looking for his sisters. After making sure they were actually there, he then proceeded to run around and visit everyone else, frequesntly stopping at random gentlemen to try and take their hands and/or hug them, to which I kept repeating, “ That’s not Daddy” followed by “I’m so sorry!” Good news, not one of them overly reacted in any negative way, though a few kind of grinned and then moved away. But hey, is what it is after all.
So after making three breaks for the volleyball courts, I managed to get Bradley to explore the non-Court areas and then after turning in circles quite a bit telling me that he was overwhelmed, I asked if he wanted his movie, to which he told me yes, and when we got over to his stroller, he climbed up and settled in for it. A few minutes later and he was asleep. A bit later, I tried to take his movie, it woke him up enough to have him sit up, turn it on and then asked to finally eat. Power nap I guess.
By the time we left he was ready for bed, so that when we got home it was jammies, meds and he was down for the count on the changing table before even getting to his bed. A busy night for the girls and the little boy, and now all three ar sacked out, storing endless energy for another run at the world tomorrow. Madison will head to ASL after school and Bradley and I will be taking Sydney to her last Volleyball game for the High School Season. Just another busy Tuesday.
Now you know why naps fall into the mandatory category when the chances arrive, life is busy and exhausting...but for the most part, a lot of fun.
Sunday, October 7, 2018
To the Stars
How do you end a weekend with success? You attempt to do something that includes the whole family and that at least two out of three kids; and a potential adult or two, says Cool! And means it. We had that!
Eric has been fighting a migraine all weekend and I woke up yesterday feeling less than great. But we plowed on through because Madison was able to catch up with her best friend for a sleepover on Friday night and Sydney was able to finally connect with a good friend on Saturday night. Today the social butterflies that they are: Sydney needed a ride to the mall to hang with that friend and a third one, while Madison had a first date at the other mall this afternoon. Luckily, Madison can drive herself to the theater at the outlet mall, because I had to get Sydney to the other mall the other way. In between, I was busy cooking dinner last night, and then homemade waffles this morning because for some reason I usually feel the need to prove to my kids’ friends that I really can cook and that it’s edible when I do. So that was a bonus. And sometimes it takes hours to hear it, but it has been confirmed that the waffles were very good. Hurray! Win for mom.
The rest of the weekend was a whole lot of time spendt either helping Bradley push his cars along the train track I put together for him, or helping build, rebuild, and rebuild and rebuilding again a masterpiece of magna-tiles. I had taken his Go-go smart cars away for a few weeks because he was having trouble being nice with them. So Friday, I brought them out, built his train route and he sat down and started playing with them and me. We have been super busy on that track all weekend! And I couldn’t be happier. He has played with everyone!
Yesterday, he was so excited to have someone new at our house that he brought Sydney’s friend over to sit down and play with this train with him. Sydney was a bit impatient, so we had a brief conversation where I explained that after a few minutes of play time, she and I would change places and he would be just fine with the change. Sure enough, that’s exactly what happened, and to ease it further; Madison took the place of Sydney’s friend and the three of us played for quite some time. It’s truly all mom needs to say “Cool!” Any time I can extend our play time into the areas of half to full hours, I get pretty excited. To make the day so much better, today he came and asked me to play, I didn’t take his hand and lead him to someone to play. We started our day with me asking him what he wants to play and him showing me, then he took my hand and took me to what he wanted to play later in the day. Definitely take whatever I can get at each opportunity for sure.
And then, with all the kids back in the house and dinner out of the way, we got our “Cools”. A few years ago, Sydney wanted to go to the other side of the Milky Way. Now I think she still wants to go, but now I think she wants to go and photograph it. Tonight, we all gathered outside and waited and watched as Vandenberg sent a Space X rocket into the night sky and then successfully landed the booster rocket for the first time on the west coast. Standing outside, looking up at the sky watching and waiting, trying to keep track of our wee lad who was busy walking around in the dark, tripping and falling randomly...we took a collective breath and sighed in awe...together. Excited to see the rocket launch and then moved by the incredible beauty and sheer enormity of witnessing the flight and the resulting night sky. So beautiful! The best part? Madison with her head on my shoulder watching with me, and Sydney trying to capture the whole event between three different cameras, having Bradley cruising between all of us, oblivious to all of it until one flash caught his attention and he looked up and gave the equivalent of an “ooohhh”, which is the closest he gets to the “So Cool!” that was spoken with reverence and joy by every other member of our family. I was back a fast four years ago when Sydney was star gazing and Bradley was so small and snuggled in a blanket while Madison was finding the space station for us to track across the night sky. And I was the cool mom who dragged us all outside in order to look up at the sky and be amazed by something so very cool.
These are the moments that I hope they remember and pass on to their kids. I know Bradley won’t remember the rocket, but I do hope that he’ll remember the love of these moments and build and build and build again on them to create as many more memories as possible with this family - with these girls. What more can a mom truly ask for after all? Great night!
Eric has been fighting a migraine all weekend and I woke up yesterday feeling less than great. But we plowed on through because Madison was able to catch up with her best friend for a sleepover on Friday night and Sydney was able to finally connect with a good friend on Saturday night. Today the social butterflies that they are: Sydney needed a ride to the mall to hang with that friend and a third one, while Madison had a first date at the other mall this afternoon. Luckily, Madison can drive herself to the theater at the outlet mall, because I had to get Sydney to the other mall the other way. In between, I was busy cooking dinner last night, and then homemade waffles this morning because for some reason I usually feel the need to prove to my kids’ friends that I really can cook and that it’s edible when I do. So that was a bonus. And sometimes it takes hours to hear it, but it has been confirmed that the waffles were very good. Hurray! Win for mom.
The rest of the weekend was a whole lot of time spendt either helping Bradley push his cars along the train track I put together for him, or helping build, rebuild, and rebuild and rebuilding again a masterpiece of magna-tiles. I had taken his Go-go smart cars away for a few weeks because he was having trouble being nice with them. So Friday, I brought them out, built his train route and he sat down and started playing with them and me. We have been super busy on that track all weekend! And I couldn’t be happier. He has played with everyone!
Yesterday, he was so excited to have someone new at our house that he brought Sydney’s friend over to sit down and play with this train with him. Sydney was a bit impatient, so we had a brief conversation where I explained that after a few minutes of play time, she and I would change places and he would be just fine with the change. Sure enough, that’s exactly what happened, and to ease it further; Madison took the place of Sydney’s friend and the three of us played for quite some time. It’s truly all mom needs to say “Cool!” Any time I can extend our play time into the areas of half to full hours, I get pretty excited. To make the day so much better, today he came and asked me to play, I didn’t take his hand and lead him to someone to play. We started our day with me asking him what he wants to play and him showing me, then he took my hand and took me to what he wanted to play later in the day. Definitely take whatever I can get at each opportunity for sure.
And then, with all the kids back in the house and dinner out of the way, we got our “Cools”. A few years ago, Sydney wanted to go to the other side of the Milky Way. Now I think she still wants to go, but now I think she wants to go and photograph it. Tonight, we all gathered outside and waited and watched as Vandenberg sent a Space X rocket into the night sky and then successfully landed the booster rocket for the first time on the west coast. Standing outside, looking up at the sky watching and waiting, trying to keep track of our wee lad who was busy walking around in the dark, tripping and falling randomly...we took a collective breath and sighed in awe...together. Excited to see the rocket launch and then moved by the incredible beauty and sheer enormity of witnessing the flight and the resulting night sky. So beautiful! The best part? Madison with her head on my shoulder watching with me, and Sydney trying to capture the whole event between three different cameras, having Bradley cruising between all of us, oblivious to all of it until one flash caught his attention and he looked up and gave the equivalent of an “ooohhh”, which is the closest he gets to the “So Cool!” that was spoken with reverence and joy by every other member of our family. I was back a fast four years ago when Sydney was star gazing and Bradley was so small and snuggled in a blanket while Madison was finding the space station for us to track across the night sky. And I was the cool mom who dragged us all outside in order to look up at the sky and be amazed by something so very cool.
These are the moments that I hope they remember and pass on to their kids. I know Bradley won’t remember the rocket, but I do hope that he’ll remember the love of these moments and build and build and build again on them to create as many more memories as possible with this family - with these girls. What more can a mom truly ask for after all? Great night!
Saturday, October 6, 2018
Let the Games Begin
As High School Volleyball is coming to an end, rather than sad, our house is mostly just flat out excited. The end of the High School season means the beginning of the Club season. And it’s true that there are politics involved in Club season, because it’s life and that’s just the way it is. But nothing can hold a candle to the kind of politics that happens in the High School season of Volleyball. Never have I experienced the ability of a group to try and remove all the fun and love of a sport from the playing of a sport at the High School level, which is sad because that’s what kids dream about, playing for their High School. But, there it is...high school sports are just rough now.
The kids are put through the wringer. The parents are put through the wringer. And always there is a sense of potential doom. When I played, you kind of had this feeling that if you made the team one year it was because the coach believed in you and you had a great chance of continuing the years after. Now? Nope. Every statement Sydney makes it, “Well, if I happen to make the team next year...”. And I can’t reassure her, all I can say is “ Yeah, we’ll see.” And then I remind her that High School ball is not the end, it’s a beginning. It’s fun if it happens for you, but it’s just as fun if it doesn’t because she will find plenty of other worthwhile fun things to do in that free time. There is volleyball to be played with or without high school.
Club tryouts this year were really hard, and emotional. You spend months with the same players and families and you get close to each other. When the Clubs manipulate the teams your players don’t always stay together. At the end of the day, doing the best for your kid is the only thing that should happen. For us, we had to try to find the best spot for both our girls. We were pretty secure that Sydney would have a spot, there were just barely enough girls for two 15 age group teams. And Sydney was offered the 1’s team on the first day. Madison’s age group definitely didn’t have enough girls to fill more than one team, so we had to wait and worry and wonder through the first day of tryouts. As we were walking out of tryouts on the first day, Madison had not been talked to by the coach, the same coach she had last season. She was quiet but still hopeful, because Madison will remain hopeful until she can’t be anymore. Eric and I were concerned and stressed for sure. Without playing High School ball, Madison doesn’t have as many coaches seeing her play and knowing her, plus there are less teams in this age group, less options for her.
Her tryout on Day one was good, but the setter trying out didn’t like Madison so she wasn’t being set and never got to hit unless someone else had to get second ball. It was interesting because the coach from her first year (was also her team’s assistant coach last year) so she knows Madison and when she came up to watch with us she asked how Madison was doing, we just smiled and shrugged - pointing out the setter issue and how this could be a rough year for her to make the team, let alone be on the team because of animosity from a potential teammate. It was nice for the coach to see what we were talking about firsthand, and it made her unhappy too, so it wasn’t just us.
At the end of day one, while we loaded up Bradley and his gear, the coach for this year’s team called her over, told her he had a place for her if she wanted it. She was a fast and excited yes. She has never been on a 1’s team, always a 2. She’s always been working to get to a 1’s team though. Not long after we got home, the coach made the official phone call and offered her a spot on his 1’s team. Madison was so excited she was dancing and then she was crying. Sydney might have been a bit misty herself because she had accepted her spot on the contingency that she was only staying if her sister was staying. She would have gone with Madison where ever, but she sure wanted to stay.
For us, we were thrilled for the girls. They were where they wanted to be. But we were also sad with them, along the way they had lost some of their friends - some to different teams, clubs or even a few that stopped volleyball. We knew we had some tight connections in our volleyball family, but until that day, the reality that these girls might not stay together hadn’t felt real. It was now real. Families that mean the world to us, are ones we’ll see in passing at practices or maybe tournaments. Now we have to make the time to sit and share a meal and catch up, connections we will work harder to maintain for sure. But it is certainly tough, it was hard on us, and it was hard on the kids.
By the time Sunday night rolled around, we knew about everyone but one girl and her family. Probably the one player and friend that Sydney has become closest too over the last two years, and her decision on where she was going to play we knew would be the hardest for her to make and the hardest one for us to lose if she chose another team. We love her family, in Orlando, Sydney and I spent most of our free time with this girl and her mom because we are that close. When they finally made a choice and let us know - I actually cried, and cheered - so did Sydney. She is staying with Sydney for at least this year, and for Sydney (and us) this season is already pretty great and we don’t get started until November.
Just like life: we lost a lot, we gained a lot, and managed to keep at least one of those precious connections that keeps everything worth it. The girls are in a good place, still with some good people, so that makes us happy. One more High School Volleyball game for Sydney on Tuesday and then clear the slate to get them both ready for a long, and hopefully fun Club season. Dad, Mom, and Bradley will be cheering the whole way. 😁🏐
The kids are put through the wringer. The parents are put through the wringer. And always there is a sense of potential doom. When I played, you kind of had this feeling that if you made the team one year it was because the coach believed in you and you had a great chance of continuing the years after. Now? Nope. Every statement Sydney makes it, “Well, if I happen to make the team next year...”. And I can’t reassure her, all I can say is “ Yeah, we’ll see.” And then I remind her that High School ball is not the end, it’s a beginning. It’s fun if it happens for you, but it’s just as fun if it doesn’t because she will find plenty of other worthwhile fun things to do in that free time. There is volleyball to be played with or without high school.
Club tryouts this year were really hard, and emotional. You spend months with the same players and families and you get close to each other. When the Clubs manipulate the teams your players don’t always stay together. At the end of the day, doing the best for your kid is the only thing that should happen. For us, we had to try to find the best spot for both our girls. We were pretty secure that Sydney would have a spot, there were just barely enough girls for two 15 age group teams. And Sydney was offered the 1’s team on the first day. Madison’s age group definitely didn’t have enough girls to fill more than one team, so we had to wait and worry and wonder through the first day of tryouts. As we were walking out of tryouts on the first day, Madison had not been talked to by the coach, the same coach she had last season. She was quiet but still hopeful, because Madison will remain hopeful until she can’t be anymore. Eric and I were concerned and stressed for sure. Without playing High School ball, Madison doesn’t have as many coaches seeing her play and knowing her, plus there are less teams in this age group, less options for her.
Her tryout on Day one was good, but the setter trying out didn’t like Madison so she wasn’t being set and never got to hit unless someone else had to get second ball. It was interesting because the coach from her first year (was also her team’s assistant coach last year) so she knows Madison and when she came up to watch with us she asked how Madison was doing, we just smiled and shrugged - pointing out the setter issue and how this could be a rough year for her to make the team, let alone be on the team because of animosity from a potential teammate. It was nice for the coach to see what we were talking about firsthand, and it made her unhappy too, so it wasn’t just us.
At the end of day one, while we loaded up Bradley and his gear, the coach for this year’s team called her over, told her he had a place for her if she wanted it. She was a fast and excited yes. She has never been on a 1’s team, always a 2. She’s always been working to get to a 1’s team though. Not long after we got home, the coach made the official phone call and offered her a spot on his 1’s team. Madison was so excited she was dancing and then she was crying. Sydney might have been a bit misty herself because she had accepted her spot on the contingency that she was only staying if her sister was staying. She would have gone with Madison where ever, but she sure wanted to stay.
For us, we were thrilled for the girls. They were where they wanted to be. But we were also sad with them, along the way they had lost some of their friends - some to different teams, clubs or even a few that stopped volleyball. We knew we had some tight connections in our volleyball family, but until that day, the reality that these girls might not stay together hadn’t felt real. It was now real. Families that mean the world to us, are ones we’ll see in passing at practices or maybe tournaments. Now we have to make the time to sit and share a meal and catch up, connections we will work harder to maintain for sure. But it is certainly tough, it was hard on us, and it was hard on the kids.
By the time Sunday night rolled around, we knew about everyone but one girl and her family. Probably the one player and friend that Sydney has become closest too over the last two years, and her decision on where she was going to play we knew would be the hardest for her to make and the hardest one for us to lose if she chose another team. We love her family, in Orlando, Sydney and I spent most of our free time with this girl and her mom because we are that close. When they finally made a choice and let us know - I actually cried, and cheered - so did Sydney. She is staying with Sydney for at least this year, and for Sydney (and us) this season is already pretty great and we don’t get started until November.
Just like life: we lost a lot, we gained a lot, and managed to keep at least one of those precious connections that keeps everything worth it. The girls are in a good place, still with some good people, so that makes us happy. One more High School Volleyball game for Sydney on Tuesday and then clear the slate to get them both ready for a long, and hopefully fun Club season. Dad, Mom, and Bradley will be cheering the whole way. 😁🏐
Friday Night Football
We spent Friday night at the local High School football game. Our amazing Respite Care person comes on Fridays, so we choose that night to do something that the girls will enjoy. They always grumble when we get there; they aren’t exactly football fans. I mean, Madison loves to play the game, but unless Drew Brees is playing she is only vaguely interested. Sydney, she likes USC. Both girls prefer their games live, though Madison only gets the Saints on TV. And she rarely gets to play anymore, which is really kind of a bummer.
So after their fair share of grumbling quietly, the girls took off to talk with friends and enjoy the social aspect of the football game, though Madison was pretty aware of the game itself. Eric and I found a spot in the stands and enjoyed a really fun game of football. In between watching the game and cheering, I watched the stands: my kids, other kids, and parents. I used to wonder if I was going to feel like we were missing out on something because Bradley isn’t going to be playing football or baseball like those boys. I use to watch my nephews play and feel so proud of them, so honored to be related, so thrilled to have someone to cheer for on the teams. I have to admit that the games are just more fun when you have someone you know playing. We cheered for the home team and their female kicker because that’s just way cool to break those roles.
High school kids don’t really change that much. The jocks, the nerds, the popular kids, the shy kids. The ones that go to the games because they fit in and the ones that go even though they don’t fit in. My girls go to a school that doesn’t have sports so for school spirit football games they come to their neighborhood school, and since Sydney plays volleyball there, at least they feel a little bit of a connection. And they have plenty of friends that they enjoy catching up with every once in a while. So while Eric and I watched the game, the girls enjoyed a small reunion with some of the kids that they’ve gone to school with for awhile.
The irony is this: someday down the road, this will likely be the school that Bradley will have to transition to for High School. The girls go to a school with a tiny special education presence, they have kids there with their IEPs, but they have no dedicated classrooms. So Bradley is most likely to attend the more traditional high school; and probably someday, Eric and I will be taking Bradley to watch his high school football team play on Friday nights. There is another alternative school which would isolate him so much we really don’t want that for him, but with his medical needs, he might not have an option. And I imagine that my view will be much the same as it is now. There will be the same kind of girls dressing as scantily as possible to attract the boys, the boys trying to get something illegal and not paying too much attention to the girls because they are all dressed the same, the parents that have a super star player on the field and what everyone to know about it, and then the occasional fan like us, just there to watch the game.
At the end of the night, the girls claimed they had fun, they always end up having fun despite the grumpy starts. When Bradley is old enough, I can only wonder if he will even have an interest in going, will he be at this school, this type of school, or if he’ll be shuttled off somewhere else. If this becomes his school will he be welcomed, will he be mocked, will he enjoy his time at a football game or will Friday’s doing anything else in the world be more his style?
We’ll know when we get there and figure it all out on the way. For now, I watch the girls and how they interact with their friends, and I enjoy some football. All the while knowing that Bradley is safe at home playing with his toys, watching his movie and getting to bed at the same relative bedtime as every other day. That certainly helps make the night a lot more fun all the way around.
So after their fair share of grumbling quietly, the girls took off to talk with friends and enjoy the social aspect of the football game, though Madison was pretty aware of the game itself. Eric and I found a spot in the stands and enjoyed a really fun game of football. In between watching the game and cheering, I watched the stands: my kids, other kids, and parents. I used to wonder if I was going to feel like we were missing out on something because Bradley isn’t going to be playing football or baseball like those boys. I use to watch my nephews play and feel so proud of them, so honored to be related, so thrilled to have someone to cheer for on the teams. I have to admit that the games are just more fun when you have someone you know playing. We cheered for the home team and their female kicker because that’s just way cool to break those roles.
High school kids don’t really change that much. The jocks, the nerds, the popular kids, the shy kids. The ones that go to the games because they fit in and the ones that go even though they don’t fit in. My girls go to a school that doesn’t have sports so for school spirit football games they come to their neighborhood school, and since Sydney plays volleyball there, at least they feel a little bit of a connection. And they have plenty of friends that they enjoy catching up with every once in a while. So while Eric and I watched the game, the girls enjoyed a small reunion with some of the kids that they’ve gone to school with for awhile.
The irony is this: someday down the road, this will likely be the school that Bradley will have to transition to for High School. The girls go to a school with a tiny special education presence, they have kids there with their IEPs, but they have no dedicated classrooms. So Bradley is most likely to attend the more traditional high school; and probably someday, Eric and I will be taking Bradley to watch his high school football team play on Friday nights. There is another alternative school which would isolate him so much we really don’t want that for him, but with his medical needs, he might not have an option. And I imagine that my view will be much the same as it is now. There will be the same kind of girls dressing as scantily as possible to attract the boys, the boys trying to get something illegal and not paying too much attention to the girls because they are all dressed the same, the parents that have a super star player on the field and what everyone to know about it, and then the occasional fan like us, just there to watch the game.
At the end of the night, the girls claimed they had fun, they always end up having fun despite the grumpy starts. When Bradley is old enough, I can only wonder if he will even have an interest in going, will he be at this school, this type of school, or if he’ll be shuttled off somewhere else. If this becomes his school will he be welcomed, will he be mocked, will he enjoy his time at a football game or will Friday’s doing anything else in the world be more his style?
We’ll know when we get there and figure it all out on the way. For now, I watch the girls and how they interact with their friends, and I enjoy some football. All the while knowing that Bradley is safe at home playing with his toys, watching his movie and getting to bed at the same relative bedtime as every other day. That certainly helps make the night a lot more fun all the way around.
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