Looking through Facebook memories, I always catch my breath at all the updates for the surgeries that Bradley had been through. Reading through them, I still go back to those moments and remember how it felt to be in there. For the first few years of his life, Eric and I lived in survival mode. There were so many health issues for him, and they all piled up on top of each it her. At times, we were fighting on multiple fronts; and to be honest, we were in the middle of a war as his little body fought hard being here. The stark reality was that the saying that tomorrow isn’t promised any of us, became a haunting truth. Bradley’s tomorrows were iffy at times and we worked diligently to battle on his behalf.
As much as these years were difficult on Bradley and his little body, they’ve not left the rest of us unscathed. The kind of people that my daughters are becoming are direct results from lifetimes they have lived. At sixteen and a half, Madison has been an only child and then the oldest of two for almost eight years, and now the oldest of three for another eight years. She was the spoiled only and then the focus of her mom while Dad was in the Navy and work for mom was intermittent. Sydney was a baby sister, the baby of the family...spoiled of course. She was my constant companion to most of the places I worked at in Japan, only going to daycare on occasion for some of my work. They both remember life before Bradley. I like to think that they remember and cling to their time in Japan because it was so special, I sometimes wonder if they are reacting to holding onto those memories of life before Bradley, before things got so heavy...so real. I remind myself that the girls were so little when we got to Japan that they see that as the place they grew up. Madison has no memory of El Centro, while neither have many snippets of our brief time in Hemet before returning to Japan. Besides, we traveled there with Halloween costumes, because we landed on October 29th...so we arrived near a kids most exciting holiday besides Christmas, definitely memorable.
Then the lifetime after Bradley was born. Madison was ecstatic to get a baby brother, Sydney wanted a baby sister...but she adjusted well enough. Sydney chose to stay with ‘Uncle Chris’ and ‘Aunt Sonya’ while Madison spent the day at the hospital with us a couple days after he was born; but at five, she was much more interested in playgrounds and the ice cream that was almost always a guarantee when the girls were with them. 😁. Even later, Madison was the one to wanted to visit Bradley at the hospital, Sydney was pretty quiet about that - I think hospitals scared her. The funny thing is that Madison is terrified of needles, always has been, while Sydney has never been bothered.
Today, they are so alike in so many ways that they irritate each other, often. And yet, their differences are so vast. Where Madison brings everybody in and close, Sydney keeps a distance while she assesses people. I would say one forgives and the other doesn’t, but though Sydney is less forgiving than Madison (who forgives everything), there are some instances where Sydney forgives to a fault as well. They are both big hearted girls and while Madison sees the best in each person, Sydney will overlook some of the faults and if there are too many, then she’ll leave them in peace (or pieces if deserved) and walk away.
They are both a product of their time before and after their brother’s arrival. Madison wants to be a part of his care similar to how Eric and I take care of Bradley. Sydney will, but she’s more hands off with the care and rather just be a buddy. But that always reminds me of when Bradley was out of his first surgery and Eric would help me get Bradley prepped for bed and nighttime feeds (definitely a daunting task each day). Sydney would have to wait until one of us could read to her or help settle her for bed. She used to tell us she didn’t see why we both had to do it, and the nights that Bradley wanted mommy not daddy - one unhappy camper for sure. Now she doesn’t shun us or anything, but just like she put herself to sleep as an infant...she manages a lot of her life on her own too. My kids are teens and spend a lot of time in their rooms and that’s okay and not unexpected. It would bother me if they didn’t both come running when we sit down at night and ask if they want to watch something. So despite how Sydney keeps the world back just a bit, that’s just who she is, and that’s okay. And Madison is all in until you shut her down or offer no reason or have no apology, then she walks away. Strong girls, compassionate and kind too - but both know there is a lot to learn from this world, and neither is afraid to jump in and get to it.
There are other moments in my Facebook memory that leave me breathless, but those are the ones that make me laugh out loud as I relive a Sydney story or a Madison moment. Sometimes Bradley is actually the easiest one; just like we were promised, and sometimes raising teenage girls proves that this is not for the faint of heart. But this is the life we are Blessed to live and we’re all in. The good the bad, the scary and the glorious, the curses and the miracles... one step at a time, side by side, one family - stronger together.
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