Nope, today it's about the girls. Okay, we'll put a little of Bradley in here - the lives of Madison and Sydney are constantly affected by their brother. His health, his well-being, his ability to tolerate certain things and certain people (numbers of people). We thought this would be our summer to try Disney...haha....it still makes me laugh that we thought this. Of course, we were the ones to get Furloughed, of course, Eric's is the job disappearing in October...of course, the price would be so astronomical it boggles the mind...of course, of course, of course... So then we thought somewhere cheaper. Eric was given MWR Dollars in lieu of a Bonus; yes, the man whose job is being eliminated just got yet another bonus. The Irony is NOT lost on us. Price is still out there for all really fun places, and honestly...Bradley is going to find little enjoyment and Sydney is a bit nervous around those fast coasters...so I am not certain her enjoyment will be much greater unless she meets some really cool characters. So we thought that here in the middle of July the summer was a wash. Our girls would go back to school and when asked the dreaded question: "What did you do for fun this summer?" And they both would have these blank stares...um, well...
But all is not lost. The Dallas Cowboys have their Training Camp here in Oxnard every year. Turns out they bring along their Cheerleaders. In a surprise move, there was an offer of a Cheerleading Clinic that our girls could attend. This is a big deal. You see, the Active Duty Member and his/her family get to do some pretty awesome things; I mean come on, these people are sacrificing a lot so it makes perfect sense. What they don't know - get out of the service and you are forgotten. But Retire from the Service and the Member is honored, but his/her family is forgotten almost instantly. It's amazing really. We don't mind too much, I mean Eric and I kind of breathe easier in this newfound freedom, but sometimes we feel bad for the girls. They know what it's like to worry about Daddy gone off to war, but they are lucky enough that he made it back. They know about deployments, but he doesn't have to do that anymore, thank God! So they know about it all, they've lived through it and they blossomed in another country far from home and made us proud of them. They know all this, they know how it feels when he goes and when he comes home and they know the fear and uncertainty in between. Still, in spite of their experiences, in spite of trying to start over again once Dad retired, they aren't remembered as often.
Saturday they were remembered. The invitation came, Dad signed them up and we were surprised when they got into the Clinic. We didn't tell them where we were going, we only told them it was something really special and hoped it would be cool. We got Awesome. The squad didn't just send two or three girls to wave and look pretty - they sent a dozen and these ladies put the kids through their paces. When they split up into age groups, they taught the kids a dance routine and then at the end they decked out in uniform and wowed the kids with their own dance routine. I watched my ever shy Sydney (believe me, she is quite shy) start to open up and take part in the dancing. I watched my Madison, my sweet ballerina, find her love of dance again.
You know it's been a rough week for us. Ups and downs that we just couldn't even begin to fathom the right direction to go. Trauma often forces images into your head and it takes hard work to eradicate them. I have these images, moments that have stamped themselves into my brain, burned into my soul that I have to work really hard to keep put away. Bradley seizing, Bradley turning blue. Those are the new ones of him. But I also have these images of the girls... Madison in a panic openly crying. Sydney with her hands over face wanting to hide her eyes, wanting to keep the tears in. Both of them shrinking into themselves standing side by side as they stared at their brother. The image of Fear. Stamped on their faces, in their hearts, on their souls as they each thought in that moment that their brother was dying. They'd never seen a seizure before, this was new from Bradley. Turning blue was new for him too. Fear. Shaking you from the inside out, strangling you with its intensity and trying to force hope from your mind.
Saturday I got new images to keep. I watched my kids stand up a little taller, letting fear slide off them and into the ground to be danced upon. Life was good and life was Fun again. They would look up at us in the stands and they would smile and wave. I saw joy and excitement! Madison's smile radiated in such a glow it was hard to lose sight of her in the crowd. Joy! I think there are times that I forget what that looks like. I see it in Bradley a lot, he just feels it and shows it. But the girls, sometimes it gets buried in their worries. As a parent I try to keep that door open, that path to me that lets the girls come to me with their questions and their fears. Madison will, but Sydney is more a loner. One comes crying and one I have to go find, but that's just who they are. Saturday as we left, Sydney looked at me with shining eyes, tears glistening but unshed - she's not that emotional a person; her cup overflows but she keeps it in. Madison tries really hard, but she looked at me and said, "Mom, one of the Cheerleaders that worked with me hugged me and told me I was amazing!" I smiled and said: "I'm glad she can see what I see."
Madison smiled and her lip started to tremble and she started to cry, overcome with emotion and well, Joy! And because I am the sap that I am, I made a valiant effort to keep my own tears in, and almost succeeded. Dad turned to see what was taking us so long, and then waited patiently as I stood, my girls wrapped in my arms nice and tight, all three of us taking in one special moment. One precious stop in the chaos of our lives to remember how this one moment feels.
As I kissed the top of their heads I told them: "You are both amazing, I love you and if I could, I would give you the world. I'm just glad we could give you this today."
Bradley may not have gotten his picture with a cheerleader, but he tried dancing in the stands with them, and he had eyes for 'his' girls and when they got close enough to say Hi, his excitement was real! He loves his cheerleaders and everyone could see that. Maybe next year he'll meet one of the ones in blue, but he was pretty patient this year to let his sisters have their moment.
We didn't understand how the pictures worked at the end, so we only got a couple, but we'll be ready next year if we get another chance to meet them and the girls might get pictures with all the Cheerleaders then! Thank you to the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders! Three hours out of your day leaves a positive and lasting impact on my girls for a lifetime!
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