We had the option to send Bradley back to school after Spring Break last April. It took quite a bit of pros and cons listings in my head, in Eric’s head, and between us before we came to our decision and even then we weren’t completely sure it was the right one - but it did feel like the right one for Bradley and by proxy - for us. We decided to not send him back to school in person in April or for the Extended Summer program that they offer for four weeks.
We knew that he would do much better at school than he was doing at home over Zoom. We knew for a fact that he was getting nothing from Zoom, though I did feel like any day he could actually prove that he could listen to someone on Zoom and follow directions from them - that was kind of a big deal. But over-all, Zoom lessons were a complete waste of time and such a study in frustration for all of us.
So why would we willingly choose that path?
Last October, I talked about Bradley having private therapies three days a week for ninety minutes a day. I kept them in the morning because at the time we were also having ABA four days a week for two to two and half hours a day in the afternoon. We continued that same schedule throughout the school year and most of summer. We only changed when school started and then we changed everything!
Bradley started a new school; Middle School, this Fall. He left behind a teacher he met once, his aides that he adored, and a few best buddies that he didn’t get to see because they split up his class and one didn’t come back either. He left behind OTs and Speech therapists that he was still pretty new too, because his favorite OT had retired and his favorite Speech therapist was moved to another room. He really enjoyed his new OT, and both of the ladies he had for speech and when it came down to successful Zoom times…these three are the ones that ever got the most out of Bradley. He had to bribed with Tokens to do it - but he worked for these ladies almost willingly.
He worked for the important Zoom sessions, and he was making huge leaps and bounds through his in-person therapies so much so, it seemed counter-productive to change any of what we had in place. ABA took all of our afternoons, but we loved our therapist so that was okay and then we still had time after to have a family night before dinner, bath and bed. It all worked.
And then there was the potty training and the behaviors. We were still trying to get the potty training to push from as little as fifteen minutes apart to something more feasible for going out into the world. And this might have been the hardest part of our decision. We were on the fence knowing that sending him back to school in person would either complete what we had started…or tear it all down for us to start all over during summer to try and have him ready for Middle School… Knowing that being pushed for unpreferred tasks would likely create behaviors we didn’t want him choosing to purposefully ignore his potty training to be one of them…we decided we didn’t want to risk it, so home he stayed.
We had a great summer. Potty training several highs and several lows, but we are getting there every day. I’m looking for one of those signs where you manually change the number for how many days without an accident. I feel like it will be motivating and humorous for me to have to help me through the numerous accidents as he still does not initiate for potty. I believe it is coming and will help someday, but I haven’t set any bets in Vegas for it…the odds of me getting it right are way too stacked against me. Bradley knows and only Bradley knows somewhere deep inside what the criteria and timeline needs to be before he will choose to take over that task and be a bit more independent.
We stopped ABA in July. And he is still doing very well. While I now there is always more to learn, there is also a time to step away for a break to assimilate what he has learned, put it into practice on our own and see how we can balance out in the end. So far, the balance is pretty good and the knowledge that we were taught was stellar to the point that we are not transgressing into dangerous areas of his behavior. Will he return someday, more than likely…again there is always more to learn and more for him to work on. Right now though, the added freedom is akin to everyone being able to come out of quarantine and start living again. Bradley has been able to successfully enjoy all the volleyball games for his sister because our schedule now allows it and his ABA work has taught him and us how to make the events enjoyable for him - even when they go super long and he is asking to return to the truck and head home. 😳 😂.
But that is how life is supposed to go I think. There is supposed to be a balance that lets the portions of your life interconnect and lock into place much like a puzzle. When successful; this creates a family life, and I think at the end of the day the best we can hope for is to bring these two girls with their extraordinary lives together to mesh and fit with this little boy with his extra chromosome which makes him extraordinary in his own right - and make it all somehow work.
So we took a gamble and we didn’t send him back to school in April or June. We kept him home and we worked with what we had. There will always be glitches in the matrix when we have to start something new, but for the most part - my reports home from school are that he is having more great days then troubled days. And as staff is learning to figure out the puzzle of Bradley: how he ticks, how he avoids, how to get around his stubborn streak and work his options to get him where you want him to go without too hard a push…his days continue to number higher in the great day column. So that’s a pretty powerful payday for us because that comes as such a win for Bradley. If he is happy then I am a lot closer to being happy too. There are still some issues I need to discuss with his teacher and we are working on that scheduling for hopefully soon; but for now, he’s okay and that’s really good.
31For21 Blog Challenge for Down Syndrome Awareness and acceptance.
No comments:
Post a Comment