For some reason, I thought it would be a brilliant move to start potty training again during a pandemic. I didn’t jump in immediately for many reasons: I had no idea (no one did) that two weeks to flatten the curve would evolve into what it did, Zooms were trying to be the death of me, and ABA over Zoom was not going to get Bradley anywhere near potty training. So I waited until month ten and one sign from Bradley that he was ready.
I bought a book on potty training for kids with Special Needs and began preparing in December of 2020. I was almost ready when Bradley was sitting on the couch one day, looked over at Eric and said “Potty”. I felt like that was the only sign I was ever going to get, so I was all in. You see, potty training was nothing new. From the time Bradley was five, we have tried every break from school we have ever had. He of course always waited me out knowing that the mess would get to me, his temper would get to me, the potential threat to my body would get to me and I would stop. But after years of learning to handle and manage his frustration and behaviors, I knew it was now or never. Bradley is incredibly strong, like twice as strong as Eric and he can break away from me if he really wants too. So for me, it really felt like now or never for him.
I set up the bathroom to be a place he was willing to go into; poor girls, Buzz and Woody now watch them on the toilet. One on each side in the form of wall stickers; in fact, the whole gang is spread out around the area. There is a stool to trip over for them, but to make it more comfortable for Bradley. There are some books in there to keep him occupied and patient when Nature moves a little slower than he likes; and if the girls are so inclined to read “Happy Easter Mouse” or “Brown Bear, Brown Bear” - well, it’s in there for them. There are also some Toy Story action figures to play with in there for anyone that wants them, but Buzz and Woody don’t leave the potty area. And we won’t identify how many times they each have had disinfectant baths themselves due to location, and excursions that Bradley has sometimes felt were warranted.
So life became about a timer and the potty, and there was no room for anything else in the world. I put him in big boy underpants and we began. We tried to hit every twenty minutes, but there were times we were lucky if we could go ten minutes. We could hit success at twenty and even thirty, then he would shut down, absolutely refuse to stay dry…and we would be back at ten and earning tokens to get the reward of his movie. I did laundry daily, cleaned couches and carpets often…our house was a tough place to be there for a few months.
Frustrations were running high, bickering amongst ourselves and arguments about whether this was the best thing to do or not. Boiling over onto each other and Bradley, until I remembered a lesson learned from one of the girls. Using the potty in a potty or a diaper is literally the only thing a person can decide to do or not do as a kid. Pushing a stubborn child to bend to my will - would never be pretty in the end. No more being upset at accidents, just clean up and go. But consequences were introduced. Sadly taking tokens for accidents and then trying to give work opportunities to earn it back. Incredible excitement for staying dry and big token drops too.
And as I told Eric, look how strong he is now; if not now, when? Give him another year with him knowing that the harder he fights eventually I will give in and he will get his way? Knowing I will have to give in because I won’t be strong enough to keep him from hurting himself, or me, or one of the girls? So we pressed on.
In June, we went on a family vacation and when we got back we stopped ABA. But Bradley was incredibly successful. He had three accidents the whole trip, and though he wasn’t initiating, it was still a huge win for us and really for him. He is proud of himself, though he doesn’t want to take complete control of his potty time, he is proud that he goes. If I am paying incredibly close attention to him I can catch most times before we have an accident; but sometimes, he just can’t stop himself. He still has serious digestive issues so some days his body is just a wreck and we’re cleaning up a mess a few times a day - yesterday was one of those days.
But Saturday was a banner day, for the first time he initiated potty. He didn’t say “Mom take me potty” or “Mom I have to go potty” no it was quite subtle actually. He tapped the front of his pants and I asked “Do you need to go to the potty?” And he said “Yes.” And then we went and he did his part and it was a moment of sheer happiness for me, I don’t know when he will do it again, but I know he can. And until that moment I wasn’t sure if he would ever get the inclination from his body and then translate that to having to go to the potty. At least once he has. Someday I hope he will again.
For now, we still live life on a timer, albeit a longer timer. A good ninety minutes to a couple hours. Life is made infinitely more complicated by the constant trips and the constant watching to try to read the signs from his body - whether he sees them or feels them himself…we try to catch them to keep him successful. It’s been just four days shy of nine months. A pregnancy, but with a much longer labor waiting for delivery. 😂. Definitely a labor of love and stubbornness - from all of us as we fight to get Bradley to one more level of independence and growth.
Who knows…2021 might be our year, or maybe it’ll be somewhere further down the road, but for today - right now…I am truly okay with where we are and how well he is doing learning this really difficult skill.
31For21 Challenge for Down Syndrome Awareness and Acceptance. Accepting of where we are right now; in this moment, on this incredible journey knowing that Bradley is worth every single moment, effort, joy, and frustration. I love this kid! ❤️
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