"Look For the Helpers"

October 2, 2017

How is it we go to sleep at night with everything; if not all right in THE world, at least all right enough in your world.  But then you wake up to news that leaves you horrified and worried and maybe a bit broken?

In mid-September, my dad's family managed to gather us all in Las Vegas for a small reunion in order for us to see a couple of my cousins and my Aunt (who filled the role of adoring, doting, and spoiling grandma my whole life).  I was afraid that that magic from that weekend would fade too quickly.  And I was right because this old man; in a place I felt so much love and joy, destroyed the lives of so many in a matter of minutes, and all while I slept.

While fear and uncertainty now rule the day, heartbreak and tears are not far behind.  Innocence was shattered and the simplest joy was stolen.  This morning I spent learning the news and then scrolling my Facebook feed in fear; waiting and looking, praying that the people who I knew were in Vegas and at that music festival were okay.  Friends that are like family, friends that have become family, our Navy Family...scrolling for check-ins about their safety.  The check-ins came and the relief and the guilt that I was so Blessed when others were not; was instant, and hard.

I watched the news today.  I watched the footage that people recorded and shared with the world.  I noticed some too drunk to run yes... but I also took note of the greatest parts of the human spirit.  The ones that stood to draw fire from others, the ones that shielded others with their only available shields: themselves.  When confronted with the unthinkable horror of a battlefield in the middle of our home: people protected, they saved, and they fought the only enemy they could see, death.  People went back in, people carried strangers... people responded from everywhere to try to save everyone they could.  But they couldn't save everyone.  And we have to come to terms with that.

As the names came in and will continue to come in, I'm reading them and learning of those we lost.  I want to honor them by knowing them, they deserve that and so much more from all of us.

The lessons I take away is this:

Evil exists; and in case we ever start to hope it doesn't, we will be reminded.

We have a precious and finite amount of time here, we have to use it wisely.

No matter what we think of ourselves, someone truly believes we are amazing and worth it.  Someone would cover you because they love you that much; or maybe just because life is life and that matters.  I felt the lump in my throat, knowing that I have someone like this in my life, and it's humbling to be so loved.

I believe that my God is good.  That even on a horrific battlefield, the Lord was there; his angels leading the way out, giving the courage and strength to help so many survive and help.

I believe that God giving us Free Will is a good thing; until last night, last night I wish HE would have stopped that man's heart before he broke the first window, or sent a wind so strong that he fell from the window he broke and straight to Hell where he belongs and is in now.  I never claimed to not have a bloodthirsty side that wishes for vengeance!

And lastly this...

Because evil exists, we have to hold tighter to those we love and hold dear.  I held my children longer this morning before sending them on their way; admitting to myself that I wanted to keep them home but didn't because fear doesn't get to win.  We train and prepare in the hopes that given an attack we might have a fighting chance, but know that Cowards hide to commit their evil.  I took extra time to hug my kids longer, kiss their cheeks and look them in the eyes to tell them how very much I love them.  My kids are my magic: they bring frustration, passion, love, laughter, and joy.  I have to work to keep them safe and they have to work on growing up in a world that is so much more dangerous than I ever dreamed. And I tell them, when the world around you falls into despair, "look for the helpers."  And a part of me knows; someday, I believe they just might turn out to be the helpers.

Praying for the lives lost, the ones fighting to stay, the survivors, the first responders, the ones who stayed to help, and the families!  Praying for us all!  God Bless you and yours!  Love your families and your friends!

Let's just hope for Acceptance of each other today and some peace.  Today we all mattered!  Pausing my 31 for 21 a little bit, back at it tomorrow.