It would be lying to say that life with Bradley is really easy and never without its downfalls...or in his case, well...perfect storms. His difficulty with change is unprecedented, diminished only by his frustration with his inability to speak his mind clearly. He does plenty of speaking his mind, loudly, as loudly as his little voice can carry - just not necessarily in a vocal range of anything other than his go to word: “NO!” Only longer with additional syllables, in a bolder font, and a larger text. Sometimes this is followed by his want or desire; however, once his need is met he invariably will toss something. His milk, his juice, his blocks, yesterday his movie (to the maker’s of Survivor cases - you people are saint worthy, thank you)!
So this is a years long battle with him. Just when it looks like he has moved away from this habit, his impulse returns and it escalates within moments. It’s actually fascinating if you were outside looking in and were writing a thesis on it or something; from the inside, it just sucks. And I know that school is exacerbating his behavior and though my rational mind gets this, the part that is trying to dispel the worst behaviors (again) really wishes we could settle things down sooner than later before things get back to intervention from someone other than me. And while I practice consistent methods to curb the behavior, Bradley is consistently matching me move for move, most important chess game I’ve ever played...but my partner is playing by a whole set of rules I don’t actually know.
Yesterday we made it through all of Sydney’s game and then the first game for JV with minimal issues. A tossing of cups gave him no more cups and then a tossing of his movie gave him no more movie. Bradley rolled with those issues surprisingly well. Too bad he was merely storing up his vengeance. He lulled me in with playing with me... giving butterfly kisses and noses, real kisses and snuggles. All those things that he uses to remind you how cute he is, proof that he truly is a mastermind. And then as Forrest Gump would say: “For no particular reason” he snapped into a pint size terror octopus with more hands than he should have. Fingers reaching to pinch and scratch, head lunging forward to hit you because you are holding his hands and if its not his forehead its his mouth, attempting to bite a behavior we stopped over a year ago. And though I will say the bite attempts were half hearted at best, I wasn’t allowing him to think about it enough to change his mind on intent.
So I left Sydney to finish watching the game to make her coaches happy and Bradley and I changed rooms and sat in the lobby for the remainder of the game. Sure enough, different place to look at and he calms instantly. He calms so much that he earns back his movie and he gets a drink. At least here it won’t land on the volleyball court if I can’t get him to comply. We get half compliance, he doesn’t throw the movie at least. The lack of available blocks is agitating to him, but I remain adamant on this; blocks fly when he decides he wants to see through them and can’t. Timing on this varies, so no blocks inside. This is hugely frustrating to him, but we keep working on it.
So we get home and dad kindly steps in to help get Bradley settled for bed and off to sleep. Of course Bradley looks sweet and peaceful while sleeping. I sigh in resigned forgiveness, for ours is a work in progress. Always in progress.
A Vapoizer works in his room overnight with some soothing menthol to help with the abundance of mucus he suddenly has had the last couple of days. He’s not choking on it yet, but it sure is causing some trouble for him, might even burn like fire in his esophagus. The Vaporizer helps him sleep and he wakes up at 6:45, early for him on a school day. He putters around the house, looking around but not fussing. I show him that his smoothie is ready, even give him a drink. Show him his Fiber One bar and tell him he can have it after we change him and give him his morning meds. So he holds my hand as we walk down the hall without protest. Fascinating.
His complaints are easily corrected. I almost chose the wrong socks, but I fixed that with Bradley showing me his choice. He really didn’t want to part with his block so that came outside with us today. He ate his breakfast before the bus came and then carried his diazepam backpack, which he managed to carry because he tucked his block under his chin. But when I took the block, massive protest, which I was expecting. Luckily, his aide called to him, and his sweet bus driver talked to him and between the three of us we got him on the bus with no more protest or tears.
Normally, he sits on the far side of the bus so I don’t see him through the window. Today he chose the seat next to the window on my side. When he saw me, he smiled back at me. When I blew him a kiss, he blew one back. When I waved he waved back, and his face was lit with a smile of delight, so much so that he was laughing and waving and blowing kisses. And it was beautiful and precious and the first time he has done that, and it made me tear up and almost cry in front of him. There are parts of Bradley that are just so hard sometimes, but there are also parts of him that are so magical. Some times you have to hold onto those wisps because they can come few and far between...but today, this morning on the bus - Bradley gave me a new one.
“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy - I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.” - Art Miller
Words to live by indeed.
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