Complicated

I wish life weren’t so complicated.  I wish people could say what they mean and mean what they say and no one had to walk around wondering if what they heard was a compliment or a criticism or someone just being mean.  This is incredibly obvious in the teen world, no one says what they mean - games abound and people aren’t real; mostly because kids haven’t figured out who they want to be yet.  And then you have my kids.  My oldest is very straight forward.  If she doesn’t like you she avoids you or she quietly keeps her dislike to herself.  She recently was starting a relationship with a boy and after him not being in contact as planned he apologized and she said ok.  He asked if she was okay and she said she was fine.  His response was that most girls when they say they are fine it means they aren’t... to which she told him, I don’t play games like that- if I’m good I say it, if I’m upset I’ll let you know.  That might have scared the Hell out of him, not long after he pulled the typical teen cowardice and sent a message through one friend to another to let her know he didn’t like her anymore and didn’t want to text anymore.   Her reply was a last text (mom approved): “Hey, heard you changed your mind and don’t like me anymore.  You could have just told me.  Don’t worry, you won’t hear from me again.”  His lack of response was actually what she needed to let herself know it wasn’t a prank through friends, the kid really was a complete Ass.

And as much as this sucks and my heart broke for her, this is exactly why we agreed to let her date at 15.  The idea of her navigating this ridiculousness for the first time after High School during college was daunting.  And frightening.  The path of a relationship is such a struggle at times and the idea of the kind of advice she could get from some random drug taking, beer sloshing, sleep with every guy in the dorm roommate  (or maybe that’s just the roommates I had my first year in College), scared the Hell out of me.  I was a Junior before I was Blessed with a roommate that was sweet and kind and cared about me.

But I digress, for now she is dateless except for her favorite date that adores her and waddles into her room to just take over her futon or crawl up into her bed to sometimes snuggle down for another hour of sleep in the morning.  Bradley only does this with Madison.  And it didn’t matter if it was back when she slept in a twin or now that she’s in a full size bed...he’s a little guy and he always manages to make enough room for himself near her.  But that’s the relationship that they have, the kind of closeness that comes from snuggly mornings and crazy dance party afternoons.  It’s not that she spoils him as much as if he were ever accused of a crime, she’d be his alibi.  So basically yeah, she spoils him like crazy!

Sydney spoils him too.  But they are so different in how they deal with him, and it’s fascinating how he deals with each of them.  Sydney is more matter of fact with him.  She’s a busy kid and like any self respecting big sister with a little brother, mostly she finds him annoying and adorable with a side of sweetly terror-like.  To say their relationship is complicated is an understatement.  Bradley only wants Sydney’s room for the noisy keyboard, so he gets kicked out a lot.  But she spoils him too.  The kid would never walk if they had their way, every time I turn around one of them is walking along and has Bradley attached like a koala bear cub.  Every time he comes home to them or they come home to him, he’s ready with his arms up for hugs and a pick up.

Last week, the girls had a half day, so when it rolled around for the time for Bradley to be dropped off, I walked outside to meet him.  Madison followed immediately, and about a minute later, Sydney joined us.  While Madison and I wait at the door for him, Bradley crawls down one step and then almost leaps at Madison who catches him and gives him hugs and kisses.  Sydney is on her phone and leaning against a tree until Madison brings them to the sidewalk.  Bradley sees Sydney and as he reaches for her she’s already putting her phone in her pocket and takes him from Madison in the koala bear hand-off and away they go.   I told you he was spoiled by both of them.

Perhaps it stings slightly that no one remembers mom standing there on the sidewalk, literally left holding the (backpack) bag.  But as I watch them walk to the house, it doesn’t really sting at all for
me.  In my head and heart, I am painfully aware of the what’s coming for Bradley down the road.  In two years, Madison will be off to college, two years after that - Sydney.  In less than a blink of an eye, this little boy will be keeping contact through FaceTime.   Where mom can get through with a phone call, Bradley has not figured out how to talk, so that is really going to be difficult.  So FaceTime will become essential for him to continue a reationship with the girls.  And because we love our girls, Eric and I know that they are starting to spread their wings and when they are ready to fly, they’ll fly.  We’ll send our Blessings (and worry about them) but send them off to the lives they are meant to have.  Here we’ll keep the nest lined and our last little bird safe and snug.  Bradley’s wings are different, and for now they’re tight against his back.  We have no idea where he will or won’t go, but his journey will be vastly different from the girls.  And it’s complicated and hard and I wish it could be a bit easier; for us yes, but especially for him.

Until that day, they spoil their brother and I can only hope that in these moments love is stored up in his memories and in theirs.  And in those days where the day is so complicated that up is sideways and down is crooked, this little boy’s completely uncomplicated love for them will be remembered, drawn upon and used to right their world again.  Maybe those are the days they’ll make sure to call and remind him how much they love him too.  For me, I just take it all in, store it all away so I can take out these moments, all these  memories on down the road too, because Bradley isn’t the only one that is going to miss them!