DAY 31! Happy Down Syndrome Awareness Month!

Happy Halloween!!!

This was a big year for us.  I know, every year since having our first child has been a big year for us each Halloween.  We didn't do anything but hand out candy until Madison was three, but we suddenly cared a whole lot about this tradition of handing out candies to little kids.  Each year it was the mark of where each kid had developed: the year where Madison wouldn't say anything, to the year she started saying "Trick or Treat".  The year when suddenly Sydney was able to say "Trick or Treat!"  and was willing to walk up to the door with one of us, then alone.  Like last year, when there was no hesitation, but there was a lot of trying to keep up on Sydney's part and Madison was trying to leave her far behind.  I had to reign her in and keep her with her sister; well, until the guy jumped out in a mask and scared Madison so bad she wouldn't leave my side, let alone her sister's...and well - Sydney wouldn't walk up to a door without me after that.  Thanks a lot!  And No! I didn't laugh all THAT hard, I am great at laughing in my head and not letting the girls see me laughing!  Okay, that's a lie.  I was laughing my butt off as I comforted them, then regaled the joys of the fun scares that Halloween brings.  I am sure, HAD Eric been able to stop laughing, he would have also done this for them...but well, now you know why they wouldn't let go of me.  :-)  HAHA. 

Last year was the first year that we split off.  Eric took Bradley home early.  Despite the blankets wrapping him up nice and tight, the cold air irritated his nose and face, and Bradley has never been happy about being cold on his face - ever!  In Japan, he wouldn't make a fuss when I picked up the girls from school - until the cold, snowy air penetrated the layers of warmth around him and got his face cold, and then that was it!    Anyway, Eric took him home while I walked the girls around a few more streets and let them milk the last drop of candy from the neighborhoods. 

This year, the girls ran in unison from door to door, I didn't have to reign Madison in - I had to reign them both in so I didn't get left behind.  Bradley started in the stroller, then we let him loose!  And yes, he did the typical stuff: he ran everywhere but where we wanted him to go, he couldn't see the steps clearly so he crab walked some, and he wouldn't even consider carrying his bucket.  But that's the thing isn't it: he did everything the same way the girls did it when they were just going trick or treating for the first time.  And in the moment you were prepared to be frustrated, it hit you, he's just being a typical two year old kid!  The only thing extra about Bradley tonight was the extra amount of cute he was exuding in his costume.  And the great thing, the girls had the same extra going in their costumes.  For at least one night, we were a family with three kids going trick or treating.  A older sister that decided not to be scared and she bravely walked up to take a candy from the scary, masked man.  She looked at him and said, "I know you're real!"  Then she reached in for the candy, he jumped, she screamed, and they both laughed.  Sydney would not go near him; not even with me holding her hand.  So he was kind enough to hand her a piece of candy from the bowl.  So Madison conquered that thing that held her back before and wouldn't let her enjoy the fun of the Halloween scare - she relaxed and jumped, or screamed, and then she laughed.  Sydney is the one that recognized the scare for what it is, someone trying to scare her and she was not a fan or willing to take part.  She hesitated at the darker houses and even her love of candy was not always enough to send her up the path.  Madison needed to learn to relax and laugh at make believe scares of Halloween.  Sydney needed to strengthen her self-preservation and her self-confidence.  And they both needed to laugh!  Oh how wonderful it was to hear them laughing. 

As for Bradley, he just needed to know that he could be out there with all those other kids.  He needs to get used to holding a hand and walking with his sisters or us.  And he wasn't great at the hand holding for the most part, but he would take Sydney's hand and occasionally he would hold Madison's...but mostly, it was Sydney's.  I think the fact she is closer to his size makes Bradley a little more inclined to always turn to her.  Did he ever slow them down?  Oh yeah.  But did they complain?  Actually, and surprisingly...No.  They never did.  The few times I asked them to wait for him, they both stopped, or came to him, and they went with him to the door.  Bradley didn't say "Trick or Treat" so one of the girls would say it for him, and when we said, "Say thank you" he would try the sign but a bit overwhelmed, he sometimes would just wave.  :-) 

We started and ended the night together, and it was a little low on candy tonight.  The High School kids and the Middle School kids came out early and they raided all the houses and the bowls left out so that there was no candy left for any other kids.  It was strange and it was sad.  I feel like the time is coming that there will continue to be fewer and fewer houses giving candy out each year, and what a shame that would be.  The girls were excited to go get candy but they were crazy with wanting to hand out candy.  Like the Pied Piper they led kids to our door to claim our candy before we could even get our door opened.  Just as they fought over whose turn it was to ring the bell at the houses, they fought over whose turn it was to give candy.  But that's all right, the moment that they start working together, Eric and I are moving out and taking Bradley far away where we'll be safe.  We have an Emergency Plan. 

So aside from Halloween, today was the last day of the 31 for 21 Challenge!  It wasn't a big day for the girls.  It wasn't that big for Bradley.  But it was the last day of one of the most important Challenges I have ever taken part in.  I wasn't sure I would be able to carve out the time or that I would be able to come up with 31 topics that I could write about for 31 days.  I could have chosen 31 stories about Bradley - our journey with Bradley is one of those that could easily have dominated this blog for 31 days.  I hit some of the more emotional moments in our life with him, I hit on some of the most harrowing moments in our life, and then I hit on that which makes this journey one worth taking.  My sweet girls are the ones that keep this family moving in the right direction.  If I don't see the greatness in my son - they show me.  If I don't see the greatness in one of my girls - Bradley shows me.  I should not be allowed to lose sight of the magnificence within each of my children; and before I began this Challenge, I worried that I did.  I would get lost in the survival of each moment, and I do mean survival.  It should never be that way, but in our house it has been.  There are days where we've simply tried to survive.  But here's the thing, that's not good enough.  My Children are three truly amazing and exceptional individuals and they deserve to be seen for who they are everyday.  I endeavor every day to try to deserve them, to be the mom they believed I could be and the reason they chose me.  I wanted to bring into the spotlight Down syndrome, I wanted to introduce my son as the amazing little person that he is, and I wanted the world to know that it's okay to have a child with Down syndrome.  I wanted to let someone who gets a prenatal diagnosis, to have a chance to learn about the life of a family that has a child who is medically fragile, who has an extra chromosome and yet through all that, in spite of all that - he is incredible and he is a valued member of our family.  He is a necessary part of our family.  So I didn't stay on just a Down syndrome topic throughout all 31 days.  I decided from the start that the only way to let someone else know that it is okay to have this life, was to share the joy of how this life needs all three of these kids.  The incredible kids that make this family work, the reasons we get up each day, the reasons we still laugh, the reasons that we know it's okay to cry - these three kids are the reasons for fighting each day to make every tomorrow a better one. 

My heart is carried around inside my three children and my husband.  I divide myself into loving them all with all I have.  That can leave me weak - good night - you should see me blubber at some of those youtube videos...and well, commercials!  UGH!  Embarassing, but true.  The results may suck, but the intent is good and it's important.  Tonight is the last night of this challenge.  I don't know if I'll write as often, but I may just check back in - the month may be over but the journey with these adventurers I call my children will not end.  Just like the geese that land in the field every now and again to surprise us, ours is a small family that will keep on going, and there will be surprises.  And we will know joy and sadness, but together we will survive all of it! 

Happy Halloween!  Safe night and good night to you all!

Day 30 - October is Almost Over!

How I Became Better at Being Me?

I can't believe that tomorrow is Halloween.  I can't believe that tomorrow is ending this Challenge to flood you with Awareness for Down syndrome!  But tomorrow always comes.  I can remember in the hospital after having Bradley my battered heart wasn't sure which way was up and what step to take next.  Everyone said to sleep of course, sleep when the baby sleeps.  And I would try and fail...until I looked up at this clock in my room, it was the exact same clock I had at home; and I sat in the silence of the room listening to the steady breathing coming from Eric, and the soft breaths from the baby beside me; I watched the clock.  To try and sleep, I would count the babies breaths until I realized my fear for him was amplified with every concentrated thought I put on him.  By counting his breaths to help me sleep I was taking myself further from it, and making myself a nervous wreck at the same time.  So I figured it would be better to let him sleep and think of other sheep to count; yeah but my sheep always have too much activity when I try to count them.  I've never been able to do that, count sheep.  I've always wondered about the lives of the sheep and would eventually fall asleep coming up with some wild adventure that I wanted to write about that didn't necessarily include sheep at all.  But that January, in the midst of the confusion and worry; I couldn't come up with a story to write out in my head.  By not knowing enough about my little baby, I couldn't devise an adventure for him in my imagination.  Or rather, I tried but had the same effect on myself that I'd had counting his breaths.  I'd put him on the ball field, then would put him on the sideline.  Then I'd take and put him in school, but couldn't figure out what year, what age... what anything.  And I was just as terrible at projecting his baby face into a big kid, or a teen-ager as I was with the girls.  Like I did with Madison, when all I could see was her seven year old self calling home from College, then hanging up and running off to do adult things...well, here was this hours old baby that I was trying to do the same thingwith.  It was literally sending me around the bend. 

So I counted clock ticks.  Yep, you read that right.  The clock in the hospital room was doing the very thing that I can hear this clock here in our living room doing now, ticking...not loudly at all, but when you listen for it - you hear it perfectly.  So I turned out the lights, and lay on my side facing Bradley's clear, plastic crib, and I breathed slowly and counted the ticks of the clock.  I don't remember how high I got in the tick counts, I just know that eventually I would go to sleep and wake whenever a Nurse came in the room, or he needed to nurse...or whatever.  And whenever it was time for me to sleep, this was how I did it - I counted clock ticks and didn't worry about thinking at all. 

When we moved from Japan we stayed with my Dad for almost six months, and there was so much worry as Bradley's health started its slow decline south and for months and months I couldn't sleep well because I didn't have my clock to listen to at night, and we had a lot of worries.  But Eric was with me daily and I didn't have to do anything solo, until he started his new job the next January - we were able to do everything together for Bradley.  That gave us both a little more confidence, a lot more experience in the world of medicine and that prepared us for the journey ahead.  We found a bagel shop we liked and we'd go in and have bagels and coffee a couple times a week when the girls were at school; it felt like dating again, only this time with a baby in tow.  We needed one of us at work somewhere, but we sure enjoyed being together in those little moments.  I miss them now, and I knew then I would...and because I was confident that one of us would get work soon; I would tell him, we're going to miss these bagel shop mornings!  See there, I was right about that one. 

Never think that life is not full of irony.  You see I don't have a clock to tick away in my bedroom, I didn't even bother to hang it up because by the time we got into our own place, Bradley wasn't all that healthy so instead of thinking he was doing so well I'd be taking less trips to San Diego - I was taking more.  Guess who started falling sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow?  Yep, me.  The trips didn't stop until the button was put in, and then sleep was a mere illusion and an occasional suggestion anyway.  I've come along way since I delivered Bradley, and one more of those wonderful life experiences we've been given is this: sleep when, where, and however long you can.  There are times now that I hit the pillow and fall asleep before I get my good night kiss from Eric.  I have to literally sit up in bed, or lean on an elbow till he turns the light out, just so I'll be awake and remember my kiss.  As it is, there are times he'll kiss me good-bye in the morning and I won't have memory of it, or move.  Poor guy!  But make no mistake, that little boy breathes different, or that machine gives a beep and I am up and running down the hall.  And it's not just him, I hear Madison talking to somebody in her sleep and I'm off to hear if she's yelling at her sister or confessing her heart to a boy; both of which are common.  Sydney?  Surprisingly, she doesn't make much of a sound, night time is the only time you don't hear a peep out of her.  If she wakes up she's standing beside me, slapping me on the back and scaring the crap out of me - no joke! 

It's amazing how life changes you to accommodate the life you have to lead.  I was a good mom when it was just the girls.  If I am better now, it is only because Bradley needed a better mom than I was.  If I am better now, it is because the girls needed me to be more than I was in order to be mom to all three of my oreos.   Your kids make you the parent they need you to be; if you love them like you should, they'll shape you and teach you how to be more than you thought you could be.  The teach us how to be better at being ourselves.

Day 29 - Down Syndrome Awareness Month!

Getting Ready!

After Bradley was born, and we'd had time to research and stop worrying he was gong to leave us before we even got to know him; we came to the realization that there was the possibility we would never be without our son.  No one came out and said to us that he would be dependent on us for the rest of our lives, but I had known of a few adults with Down syndrome who lived at home and in all the research we read it said something along those lines, be prepared.  This terrified me in a way that I found hard to understand completely, I mean understood parts of it, but not all of it.  You see when Eric and I worked out some of our issues a few years before, one of those issues was the strong dependency that our other children had on us. Where I was the one holding on so very tightly, still tucking them in and still being the hovering mother - well, Dad was ready to ease them along that path to more independence.  I wasn't ready and as an example, when he asked me how long I was going to tuck them in at night, I merely said, "Until they stop asking me too."  It was that simple to me.  I mean I couldn't then nor can I now picture my girls all grown up.  I tried to imagine them off at College once, calling me from their Dorm room for fifteen minutes or an hour, if I was lucky, and then running off to do some of the things that I did in College, or (trying not to freak myself out) some of the things their Dad did when he was freshly new in the Navy.  So after I sucked the air in and out of a brown, paper bag for a good five minutes, I just agreed with myself not to try to look that far ahead in my future.  I agreed to try to not drive myself nuts with knowing that someday these beautiful girls of mine were going to move away from me and only spend a time on the phone or a few days visiting me now and again.  I know that they could live close and see me everyday; but I am aware that these girls are destined for greatness and can't be handcuffed to their mother, no matter how much a part of her wants too.  Of course, right now we discuss the probability that the girls will leave someday and they both give me panicked looks and trembling lips because they never want to leave us and we're right back to sucking on brown, paper bags, but for them.  I just laugh and remind them it isn't tomorrow and when they are ready to go they will tell us, we're not going to tell them.  It makes them feel better to know that they can be here forever if they want.  They don't seem to mind that they'd have to do all their own chores and help out around the house if they stay...so I'm game.  Why wouldn't I be?  God has given me two strong and amazing girls - even as they flex their young minds and attitudes to test us; they are such a joy to have around. 

And then along came Bradley and here I am looking at his future and the possibility that he may not have the choice to stay or go.  Talk about your ultimate dilemmas...your complete and utter confusion.  Here we are with two girls that are going to want to go and a boy that may want to go but may have to stay with us?  What???  At the hospital I was flabbergasted by this conundrum.  And would Eric and I be okay if that were the case, he hadn't been thrilled by the girls need for us...but had changed his opinion of it completely and been great about it the last year...how would he be with this revisiting of the issue - but on a lifetime scale?  I worried and fretted - and soon learned it was foolish to fret and worry over.  You see,  I am the mom that loves the baby in the womb but doesn't Fall in love with the baby till out of the womb; Eric's the dad that loves and falls in love with the baby in the womb and willingly takes what we get.  Regarding Bradley, "He's our baby, we love him."  About Bradley probably never leaving us, "We'll get a convertible that seats three."  It was just that simple.  Granted the path is strewn with pitfalls and worry and tidbits of trouble; but really it's that simple.  If the girls have moved on and Bradley has not or cannot, then we'll travel and live as a trio.  That sounded good me to me, it felt good to me, and I stopped worrying quite so much.  I still worry; because well, I'm really good at it.  Here I was sad that my girls were going to move away and I didn't want them too, and then I was devastated that my son might not be able to move away if he wanted too - it felt like life was being so completely unfair - I mean geesh, throw me a bone Universe! 

So fast forward to today...Bradley is 33 months old, a week shy of 34 months actually, and we are preparing to send him to Pre-School after he turns three in January.  After all the talks and the research preparing for the worst, we have to send him to school...he HAS to leave me.  Well, what the Hell?  I get my mind all nicely wrapped around my boy hanging with me ad infinitum, and some Home Teacher tells me, "No, we're getting him ready for school!"  Actually, we learned that when he was a couple months old, so it wasn't a complete shock about school, we've expected it.  What shocked me are the countless stories that I see and read that are showing me that the odds are actually excellent that Bradley will be able to live, if not on his own, then with a special care giver type roommate.  Huh?  Let me get this straight, I wrapped my brain around the idea that at least one of my babies isn't going to move out on me, and now all his therapists and teachers are telling me that nope, he's got a great chance of being much more independent than that.  Good Grief!!! 

And to make it worse, I had to fill out these assessment forms today where I have to give the school district some idea of where he is developmentally.  Turns a pretty good day into a downer, I mean what parent wants to sit there and concentrate on where their kid is NOT.  Almost straight zeroes in speech.  And I find that frustrating because he has so many signs...perhaps his words aren't coming through his mouth, but they are coming through his hands; shouldn't that count for something?  Doesn't that mean he is a great communicator, but quiet about it (well sometimes anyway).  Eric tells me that it's to make sure that he gets everything he needs at school, and I know he's right, he spends most of the time right - I just want them to acknowledge the skills he has, all the work he has put in to accomplish them, because it has been work, a lot of hard work.  But the schools don't care what he knows, they want to know what they have to pay for and provide him.  So I wasn't thrilled to do it, but I answered truthfully and I didn't toot Bradley's horn.  And it sucked.  But I know what he can do, I see his potential and I know that his teacher conferences in the future are going to be as positive as the ones we just had for the girls last week.  It make take Bradley a little longer to figure it out, but he does and he will.  He's pretty smart and he's pretty imaginative, and all in all, he keeps his brain working.  I don't know how far he'll go, but then let's be honest, I don't know how far the girls will go.  But they're all three going to go and they're going to have two very avid and very proud cheerleaders pushing them, pulling them if necessary, and always, always loving them. 

Day 28 - Last Sunday of Down Syndrome Awareness Month!

Day 28 -  The Last Sunday of the Challenge!

I can’t believe we’re coming to the end of the month…I thought it would drag on and on…but it didn’t – it rushed like a waterfall…it wasn’t a special Sunday really, just a typical Sunday of Football.   And I know how mundane that sounds, but with almost eight years in Japan and a time change that gave us football in the wee hours of our Monday morning, and Monday night football on Tuesday morning…well, you can probably understand why the novelty has yet to wear off for us.  So we spent some quality football time watching the Chargers embarrass themselves on live TV; again!  And I know that the Chargers aren’t that much to write home about but someone has to cheer for the underdog, and there has to be at least one NFL team that plays Farm Team to get better players ready to move onto better teams…it’s always been like this, I don’t see it changing any time soon but since I am a fan of my Hometown team – I keep cheering for them nonetheless!  So anyway, after that Epic fail we realized we are as yet pumpkin free in our house.  The girls have been gifted little pumpkins each and found a tiny one perfect for their brother but as for the family pumpkin that would be the ultimate Jack O’Lantern to sit on our doorstep to welcome the trick or Treaters come Halloween…that one hadn’t joined our family as yet.   So we decided that the last time we went to a Pumpkin Patch Bradley was only ten months old and we didn’t get pictures of him there, just the girls.  It was time.  So we went off with our tablet in order to try to capture some of the fun as Bradley experienced his first real pumpkin patch. 

First we examined pumpkins in the neat little rows that had been set up for the Toddlers in the Toddler section – uh, examined, threw and kicked.  Perhaps if they weren’t so ball-like he would have been less likely to toss them and try to kick them.  I predict great success for Bradley in the following sports: soccer, baseball, football, and bowling – might even have a future Curler in there…he showed some nice technique. 

 

 

Well then we tried the maze, the straw bales that created the maze kept getting pushed around by the kids and some of their Dads running across the top of them so that poor Bradley at one point put his arms up to me to be picked up because he was pretty sure we weren’t getting out of there alive if we stayed at his level. 

 

So we jumped a few bales and managed to finally make our way out of the maze.  I should have worn pants to protect my legs, but at least he was in his overalls and was well prepared for the rigors of escape.    

 

From there he examined pumpkins again, and with the same interest he had before the maze so we made a beeline for the toy area.  The slide was a hit, the toy house was a hit, the hay bales stacked in a pyramid provided the perfect backdrop for pictures if only Bradley hadn’t been so anti-straw at that point and the girls could have looked somewhere near the camera at any given time.  Oh well, they are kids and they acted like kids and if you look close enough you might even recognize one or two of them as ours. 

 

We moved out from there, poor Bradley mostly stood and stared at the thrashing groups of unruly children rushing around him and they weren’t just his sisters so we knew it was time to give him a break and let him vent off this experience in the relative quiet and definite safety of his carseat.  Did we find the perfect pumpkin there?  No, we didn’t make it to the bigger pumpkin side, and the prices were tear inducing…we found the perfect pumpkin at Ralphs…cause that’s the perfect place to buy a vegetable after all.   And when it came down to it, the kids and I hung out in the car and left the search to dad.  He found one outside that I was able to send my thumbs up too, but the girls were too busy playing some game about piranhas and spiders to notice he had even left the car, let alone not taken them on the great pumpkin expedition.  No worries though, they were quite enthusiastic in their approval of the future Jack O’lantern Burnett that dad found, so all is well in the kingdom.  The girls are home for the next week for Fall Break, so they are more hyped up now than they’ll be after trick or treating on Wednesday…woohoo, can’t wait…so excited…so thrilled…so – oh boy what are we going to do for a week???  HAHA…just kidding.  I enjoy their breaks, we usually think of something fun to do even if it isn’t in the Epic area of the chart.  They both try to sleep late and then spend their time reading, playing and catching up on the mellow stuff they don’t get to do while they’re in school; it all works out well for us. 

So we didn’t conquer the Pumpkin Patch in the way that most people probably did this year; but we conquered it the way Bradley could this year.  He was healthy enough to give it a good forty minute try this year and that was Huge for him.  He was overwhelmed but not in tears, which is a big deal for a two year old, and he voiced his disapproval at leaving which is just another nice milestone for him.  The girls were given a taste of what their brother feels in the overwhelm department as they were both practically manic until we reigned them in too.  How quickly such a place can really mess with your head and throw you completely off balance.  Interesting places Pumpkin Patches – once a year is more than enough for me.  Perhaps I should stick to the once every two years, that feels a little better to me.  Guess we’ll just wait till next year and see if the kids mention it, they didn’t last year so maybe I’ll get lucky next year!  J   

Happy Sunday all.  I am off to continue my war against laundry and that ever growing pile of unmatched socks! 

Day 27 - Down Syndrome Awareness Month is October!!!

Day 27 - Challenging the 31 for 21 Challenge!

When Bradley was two weeks old he slept through the night.  After weeks of getting myself up every four hours to see if I could get him to wake up and eat - and failing...we decided we should let him wake up on his own and perhaps he would want to eat when he did.  Bradley we were told, needed to the practice of nursing in order to get better at the task of feeding from the breast.  I tried to wake him up in the middle of the night, and it wasn't that he was totally unhappy with the arrangement...the truth was, he didn't even wake up enough to have an opinion.  At two weeks old, I let him sleep and he slept through the night.  I woke up slowly and then sat straight up in bed - terrified!  I bolted from the bed and I hovered over Bradley snug in his bassinet, sound asleep and perfect.  I started to breathe again and waited till he woke up and then fed him a little more successfully.  Bradley and I worked really hard at nursing because I was told that all of this was to encourage two things: his feeding and then his speech.  By working his tongue during nursing he was supposed to be preparing for eating and talking.  Bradley and I worked very hard at this job and he gave us seven months.  Sadly, his esophagus issues started to attack his body and he couldn't find a position that allowed him to eat and not hurt.  Nursing ended and all that hard work has been for naught...he is barely speaking and barely eating purees with a bit more texture...so much for future planning. 

Over the first year and a half of his life, when Bradley was put to bed nine times out of ten, he went to sleep on his own.  We were certain that we were being given a special gift because of all of his medical issues.  One thing was easy and that was bedtime.  Even as I type this I am laughing to myself.  Once Bradley had the G-Tube, well the sleeping issue went south fast.  At first, he was on the tube for so long we couldn't put him down until he was asleep, otherwise he stood up in his crib and that threatened to pull his button out.  With a lot of work and patience, we now have him feeding from 10 pm until 5 am...we wanted him to forget that he is on a tube...and every time he gets completely wrapped up in the tubing - well, we always hope he is too sleepy to understand what has happened to him.  So we got him down to seven hours at night to feed, we figured out how to reduce the amount of neck wrapping incidents, and even managed to get him in the right bedtime clothes to help with all of the above.  I'm not sure that I was feeling smug...I don't usually do that.  But I must have been feeling comfortable.  I thought that I had everything under control, I thought that I had all the files filed properly, the authorizations in chronological order, all the claims accounted for.  Only there are so many times that life itself likes to attack me when I'm not looking.  Eric had some medical issues that left us reeling in anxiety and fear as we waited for time to pass and tests to happen and results to be given that carried good news (Thank God) - but somewhere in there, I missed my dates and a phone call...and one Friday night I trotted down the hall to set Bradley up for the night and realized...I had no more feeding bags for him.  The floor literally fell out of my world.  As I panicked and tried very hard to breathe, Eric had to talk me down from the side of the Empire State Building.  I did the only thing I could do, I cried...really hard for like five minutes.  Eric calmed me down, cause he always does...and then I went into survival mode.  I called Walgreen's to make sure that a pharmacist would work on getting us a case of feeding bags the next day.  Then I prepared 16 oz of Pediasure and was ready to get up all through the night to feed him every time he woke up.  I was ready for my penance and willing to send back my nomination for Mother of the Year award. 

And after months and months - almost a year of not sleeping through the night for him or his parents...Bradley slept for twelve hours straight!  I woke up late and went immediately to check on him since I hadn't heard him all night.  He woke up and smiled at me...clearly we had all needed the rest.  The triumph was short lived though, he wouldn't eat much that whole day Saturday...we finally went to what I think might be his favorite restaurant for Mexican food on Saturday night.  He ate through half of my plate; and that's when I felt like celebrating! 

So sleep is iffy at best in our house.  This week Sydney is vying with her brother to see who can be up the most and for the longest...She has a sinus infection and a cough...so she's up somewhere around 1 am coughing and 4 am with those crazy sinus infection dreams.  Meanwhile, Bradley likes to see full dark and at 5 am when we take him off his pump,  he's decided that that's the perfect time to start the day.  Tonight I get full watch as Dad has a migraine...so since I just hooked him up for the night...I am too am turning in.  Good night folks, may your dreams be sweet and your sleep be swift! And always, sleep fast - you never know how long you're going to get!  ;-)  

Day 26 - Down Syndrome Awareness: 31 for 21 Challenge!

Day 26 - Laughter IS the Best Medicine! 

This was my update on Facebook yesterday: 

This is what happens when I go to Physical Therapy:
Madison: <Burp>
Dad: "Geesh, Madison. Didn't hold that in did you? You're a lady you need to try harder to keep that in."
Sydney, immediately: "She holds it in it'll become a fart."
Dad later to me, "Thank God I wasn't drinking anything."

So this brought to mind another set of memorable exchanges from our youngest daughter that went along the lines like this...

We moved to Japan in October 2006, just in time for Halloween, and then Thanksgiving in the Navy Lodge, only moving into a house in town two days before Christmas.  It was the fastest house we've ever put together.  Amazing but not funny...that happened in May, after we made the move to our house on Base and my mom came to Japan to visit.  Only a few months shy of three years old, Sydney was becoming quite the comedienne.  With giving her sister a hard time at the top of her list of things to do each day, she was getting pretty good at that too.  So one day, Madison got very upset because she couldn't find her favorite toy...so of course, we expended a great deal of time looking for the toy.  Finally, someone thought to ask Sydney if she knew where the toy was, to which she said, "No" she didn't have it.  A few minutes later she walked towards the hallway and as she passed grandma she could be heard saying: "Now, where did I put that toy?" 

Toy found...now skip ahead a year or so and we bought dad a new toy, a Blue Ray player.  After a few weeks we came up missing a remote.  We looked for that thing for almost two weeks, I tore the house a part looking for it - I knew it had to be there somewhere, and I checked everywhere including all the toy boxes and play areas.  Really frustrated, I was at a loss and without much thought I jokingly asked Sydney, "Have you seen the remote for the Blue ray player?"  She looked at me, then kind of shrugged and walked off.  Meanwhile, I keep looking... about a minute later, Sydney walks out and says: "Here you go!" hands me the remote and trots off again, free to go cause her Mom is speechless, thinking "Oh My God!  I'm raising a Kleptomaniac?"  After I was sure she wouldn't see me chuckling,
I called her in and asked her to show me where it she got it from, she took me to her room and opened the top drawer of her nightstand...the one drawer I didn't look in.  "Ahhhh!!!" 

Dad and I gave her a stern talking to and felt that we got through to her and she wouldn't be walking off with things anymore.  Yeah, not so much! 

I used to  walk the girls to school every morning and I wouldn't take my wallet, I would simply put my ID in my back pocket because you are supposed to have your ID with you at all times.  So sometimes my ID would be on the counter top or the kitchen drawer when it was in transition between pocket and wallet.  One day, it wasn't where I left it.  So I started searching and looking and going through every place I ever kept the ID.  Then I called a halt to our frantic search and while I called for Sydney to come to the kitchen, Eric came in from his search area.  I asked her if she HAD my ID.  She didn't say a word, she disappeared down the hall, walked back in and handed it to me.  "Geesh Sydney, where did you put it?" 

She just grinned, "In my bathrobe pocket." 

We didn't reprimand her then, too busy laughing...so we took the time to step back and stop laughing...I posted it on Facebook because there for awhile, Sydney had quite a few fans that were tuning in daily to see what she was up too.  Then we had the big talk, and I guess it worked - she hasn't walked off with anything since, or maybe she's choosing things that we won't notice for awhile and by the time we do she can; with complete honesty, say that she has no idea.

She has always kept us laughing.  Her mind is quick and she is brilliant which means that we are not only in big trouble because our eight year old is already smarter than us; it also means that she's going to keep us laughing...and she's gonna keep her fans laughing as well! 

Day 25 - Keeping up the Awareness Together

Day 25 - Reaching Out

I was thinking about a blog topic today, well in between rushing from Point A to Point B, I 've thought about it.  Sitting here tonight watching TV while Bradley is working on falling asleep I was thinking about who I want to make aware about Down syndrome.  I thought it was important that all kinds of new people learned about Down syndrome and leaned about Bradley - who he is, what he does, how he's not that different than everyone else.  Sure he has an extra chromosome, but just because he's special doesn't mean that we all aren't pretty great too.  I mean it's like winning a cosmic lottery right!  I mean winning the lottery is winning the lottery after all - it's pretty cool really. 

So now I'm thinking that maybe awareness just needs to be right here, with the ones that know and love him and stop through to check in on his progress, his crazy sisters and the parents that they drag along behind them on their adventures.  And as much as I want the world to back off a bit and not destroy every Trisomy 21 embryo they find with all this new genetic testing, and I want the world to stop using the R-word so as not to destroy the joy of life for each developmentally disabled person - doing this Challenge has left me feeling that my voice is so much smaller than I ever thought possible.  I haven't a loud voice, but it's strong.  And there are times that it will reach, even the back of the room.  Sisters of my heart have heard my voice and they have responded in kindness and love and shared the story of Bradley and they've chosen to spread awareness about him and Down syndrome.  When they've reached out to us this month, in person or over Facebook, it's touched me to my soul.  I mean my heart feels the warmth and the love but my soul; the very essence of my core feels the joy of being connected to people that truly love my son.  Will his circle grow, I think it might. 

I've been working on getting the "Thank You" cards for the Buddy Walk.  It was important to get the perfect picture to remind our Team why they came out to walk, why they donated, why they supported.  New faces came and fell in love with our son.  New people donated and it is imperative that I introduce them to my son and how great he is, how beautiful.  His is a journey that needs to be taken, his is a road we have to take him down.  His is a story that can be shared and his is a life that can enrich all others, his is a life worth living.  We feel pretty good about that.  So maybe it's the quiet voice that speaks with love and tells the story of one special little boy that will make the most difference.  My voice will trigger yours, and because you love my son, your voice will speak out to teach and to defend, and others will start to listen and then start to hear.  One step will lead into another and we will find others willing to walk it with us...

Six days left in this Challenge...six more days to get the word out that it's okay to have a child with Down syndrome.  Six days to get the word out that life is not meant to be easy, it's meant to be lived.  six days to get the word out that our life is okay, better even.  Stress is a dish best served floating in laughter and seasoned with love - keeps the heart burn down; and maybe that's what we've had the most in our house but we're still doing pretty great.  I guess it's just important that people know this, that the fear of having a child in the house with Down syndrome won't be such a consuming fear; that life with Bradley is made difficult by his medical issues, the rest just fits into the day.  As a parent you always do the best you can to create the best life you can for your kids, doesn't matter how many chromosomes they have. 

Day 24 - Down Syndrome Awareness: 31 for 21 Challenge

Day 24 - Awareness Works

There's a lot of talk right now as people argue about the use of the R-word.  Yeah, I don't say it and I don't want to type it.  The word retard used to mean "slow to grow" and that should be all right except now there is a new meaning that specifically refers to individuals with intellectual disabilities.  Well, way to go Webster's for catching up with modern usage...but completely forget the part where it's completely inappropriate to use.  In fact, Webster's writes that it is "sometimes offensive."  Let me tell you a secret Webster's, it's always offensive. 

When Eric was in dog training school they taught them that it wasn't a matter of "If" the handler was going to get bit, it was a matter of "When".  We've jokingly used that phrase in our life...like it's not a matter of "If" one of the kids was going to spit up on us, it was merely a question of "When".  And now we know this to be true, it's not a matter of "If" someone is going to call my son the R-word, it's a matter of "When".  It makes me sad, carves out a piece of me - I shouldn't let it, but words have power and words can change your life.  "Honey, I'm pregnant!"  "It's a Girl!"  "It's a Boy!"  "He has Down syndrome."  See what I mean, the simplest words that mean next to nothing separately, become life altering and path changing in a grouping.  But even as my heart worries, hurts and prepares for the worst for Bradley...well, I hear my own words.  Is it possible?  Is there a chance that maybe we can eradicate the word before it becomes a weapon that is hurled at my son down the road somewhere?  Look at the words that have been relatively removed from our daily use of language.  Some of the most disparaging and most offensive words have been removed from our daily language, or accepted speech because society decided it wasn't okay.  In fact, Mark Twain was almost driven our of our libraries because some of his language is considered offensive by our higher moral standards today.  Isn't that what we're saying now, that it isn't okay to use the R-word.  That there are individuals who never asked to have Down syndrome, who never asked to have intellectual delays, who cannot fight back against the hate that comes behind the use of the word.  Yes, hate.  A person that chooses to hurl this insulting use of the R-word does it out of hate and fear.  Someone who is afraid of who they see.  Fear.... the all powerful fear.  What does a typically developed person who hurls hate have to fear from someone born with an extra chromosome? 

My son has a beautiful make-up of all the recessive genes that my husband and I could give; lucky for Bradley the recessive genes are the best we had to give him.  He has the most incredible blue eyes that look into your soul and sees the beauty within, whether you want to like him or not.  He has this incredibly sweet smile that warms the deepest corners of your heart, areas that you have shuttered closed and never knew you were trying to hide away.  He is purity and he is mischief.  He is beguiling in his ability to try to manipulate us; he's almost three, he knows how to do this.  He's no different from any other toddler learning to get what he wants.  And that's it isn't it?  There is a saying that we hear a lot in this community of Down syndrome individuals and their families; "More alike than different."  My son looks like his sisters.  Set the three of them in a row and you're going to smile at the connections in their looks that proves that they are related, they are siblings.  If you look hard enough you can find the differences; look long enough and you'll just enjoy how cute they are all together.  See where this goes, that we are more alike than different.  Perhaps there are small physical differences and intellectual disabilities, but on the grand scale there are so many things that make Bradley so much like his sisters; a lot like the rest of us if you think about it.  If you treat my son kindly it doesn't mean that you are intellectually disabled, it means that you are kind like him in the way that he is kind.  When you are sweet to him, it is because he is sweet and he shares that with you.  When he makes your heart feel warm, then you're just lucky; because how many people in your life can honestly do that for you with just a smile or a hug? 

Free speech says you can say whatever you like.  You can call me every name in the book and well, good for you...but guess what, I can respond back to you, I can fight back with all the ammunition at my disposal, all I have in my own brain to react with.  My son cannot now, and I don't know how well he'll be able to fight back when he's older.  I'll choose my battles and they will always be defending my son, so pick your battles and be prepared to battle me when you send the R-word at my boy.  Before you do, be aware, I will make a Mother Bear look like a stuffed toy.  Better yet, let's just stop the word all together and make it part of the past.  Oh, before I forget...Pretty please!  Not everyone in this world is brilliant, or intelligent, or smart...some are just not so smart - but everyone has their gifts, no one deserves to be called the R-word, extra chromosome or not. 

Day 23 - Continue to Spread Awareness of Down Syndrome!

Day 23 -  The Other Shoe Drops Softly

Okay, so I went kicking and screaming, but I went.  Today we took Bradley to San Diego for his last doctor appointment with the Neurosurgeon.  He'll have to go back next year, but we're going to go ahead and transfer everything to closer to us.  UCLA is not around the corner...but it's not a twelve hour day either.  We have been climbing each mountain and trudging through every valley as it appears before us, moving from one feeling of crisis to another.  We managed to get through the Incisional Hernia all the while thinking about the coming MRI of Bradley's brain.  We know that cyst is sitting there in the center of his brain, and we can't see it...but we know it's there.  It's felt like a time bomb, but we were also able to push the worry to the back of OUR brains for the most part.  This last week has not been easy as we tried not to let the bigger worry turn to immobilizing fear.  If I had known this past year what I learned today, I am not sure I would have caught the few hours of sleep that I managed throughout the year.  Turns out, if the cyst presses on the Focal plate in his brain then he doesn't go blind; in fact, the pathways will narrow causing the fluid to build up and cause Hydrocephalus (swelling of his brain).   That happens then they have to drain the cyst, not an easy task due to the placement of the cyst.  A huge rush of nerves followed this information, there had been so many things on top of us that this information was almost enough to make me stop breathing today. 

So this is what we learned today.  Bradley's cyst is the same size if not a little bit smaller.  Rather than growing, the cyst looks to actually be a little bit smaller.  The Neurosurgeon said that this is actually a rare thing.  We are thrilled!  Despite his crappy bedside manner, the Neurosurgeon saw Bradley today.  With that smile that warms you through and through, my charming son signed "Thank you" once when I asked him too, and once right after I gave up my thanks.  It charmed the doctor because he actually smiled at Bradley.   The two swapped high fives and then knuckles.  We left knowing that we look for lethargy or vomiting (gagging and retching for Bradley) to let us know if something is changing in him.  We all feel pretty confident that all will be well.  The sleepless nights, the worry, the fear...it all eased today.  As is the way with things, you have to wait for something to happen one way or another - for us - the other shoe decided to drop again, but it did softly, and in a way that allows for Bradley to put some solid effort into being a little boy, in just growing up for awhile.  We can hope that with some more time he will develop and mature in a way that will lead to the removal of his button, but for now - we know that right now, he's as healthy as he can be and that's really all we can hope for ever. 

We're exhausted, but our little guy is healthy and happy!  It's a good day!  Thank you God for Blessing this Family, this special little boy, and all those that truly love our little guy! 

Day 22 of the 31 for 21 Challenge!

Day 22 - Awareness through being well...Aware. 

Tomorrow we're headed back to San Diego and a visit with my least favorite doctor in the world.  I'd say my least favorite person, but I don't really know the guy and it's a toss up as to which person in his office I dislike the most...so well, what can you do?  We used to see this behavior in the military where the spouse felt like he or she wore the Active members rank on their collar.  It still runs rampant, and some of us chose to whole heartedly disengage ourselves from those members that felt the need to carry this ranking.  I personally find their behavior ridiculous and outright embarrassing.  I remember one incident where one of our Japanese Guards in Atsugi was teasing me and said "Go through Chief."  and I looked at him mortified and said, "No, no, no...I'm not military, I'm just a civilian.  I'm the wife!"  He laughed, said he was sorry and sent me on my way.  And as I drove away I was sickened by the idea that perhaps he thought I was one of those spouses, that these guards that I respected, saw many times a day as I carted myself or students back and forth and back and forth, again and again - might think I was uppity, obnoxious, fit with a strong undesirable case of entitlement issues.  For I did respect these guards, these are good people that man the gates at the military bases in Japan.  Because they are Japanese?  Yeah, probably.  Honor, respect, decency.  There is no greater compliment than one handed down by one of these kind people.  I was terrified by what I might have done, for I knew how much my husband was respected and liked by them.  I followed every rule, rarely forgot an ID (two or three times, but I can explain) - and always offered to bring it back if I did, and I made all of my students and guests abide by the rules too.  That's a big deal, not everyone did.  I was so straight, I was boring.  How had I offended?  I was a tiny ripple in a largish pond - Atsugi is not a big place, that base is small enough that you either know the person or know of the person through one or two removed friends.  Kevin Bacon would have a field day there it's that small.  But here I was wondering and worrying, I didn't want to be known, let alone known for trying to wear a set of anchors I had not earned nor did I deserve.  Fret, fret, fret, worry....cringe as I came to the gates, wondering what would be said when the same guard was working again.  Going through so often I pretty much knew within a few hours when we'd meet again (I did say I went in and out a lot)!  Finally, here I was pulling up to the gate with just my girls in the back of my little CAPA.  I stopped and he grinned at me like he always had with warmth of recognition and he said to me, "Go on through Mrs. Chief and Little Chiefs" as he waved at my girls in the backseat.  Some the guards that Eric knew pretty well, he'd asked them to wave back at our children because the girls were liable to cry if the guards didn't return their heartfelt and enthusiastic waves.  But wave he did, like he always had, like he always would...for he loved Chief's kids.  And from then on I was, "Mrs. Chief" and not once did I want to stop and discuss the origin of the term "Mrs" and why I always went by "Ms" with him.   For him I let it go, because from him it was an endearment and I stopped worrying that someone looked at me like I was trying to be something I wasn't. 

But just in case you're wondering, here's how the story goes: (my husband is groaning about now), back in merry old England before the Americas were a glimmer in history, unless she was the Queen - women were merely property of men: used to tend their house and person, and birth their children - she was her husband's property and was referred to as "Mr's" (get the possessive here).  Over the years, the apostrophe was slowly removed or forgotten until we come to today's "Mrs".  I prefer "Ms" as I am no man's property, but I am accepting of "Mrs" because I am as much Eric's as he is mine - and I am secure in that feeling and proud to work at keeping this relationship where it should be and as great as it can be!  ;-)  Still, this was a constant part of my lecture series to my Japanese students as I introduced them to the idiosyncrasies of the English language.  I had so many classes that launched into lively and humorous debate over this that we often revisited the topic when new students joined us.  :-)  I miss my students, they brought me such joy in letting me teach them, learn from them and just be a part of their lives!  There, now I am once again homesick for Japan!  Sigh! 

But all this leads back to an office staff that thinks because they work at the Neurosurgeon's office that they are as important as he believes himself to be.  And maybe he is, I sure can't conquer Brain surgery, but then I've never been interested in it.  And I can tell you right now, my ability with bedside manner - that would blow him out of the water.  Everyone has their gifts and I will concede to his, and to even him being allowed to be cocky and kind of jerk as long as he is saving the lives of children.  His staff is nothing other than power hungry wannabes that wear his name on their sleeve to make them feel important.  We agreed to let Bradley return for one more look before moving him to another Neurosurgeon closer to home for us; otherwise, we wouldn't be going back down there.  So one more day, one more trip.  Eric is taking the day to go with me though we believe that the results will be fine, that the cyst in Bradley's brain will not have grown or changed behavior and we believe that this will be ten minutes tops to say, no change thank you for coming.  But we are both aware that the odds always play into our existence and Eric wants to be with me so I am not alone should the unexpected happen.  If we are prepared it will be fine...always holds true for us.  If we go in not prepared, chaos theory ensues and we're left grasping at straws.  No more chaos, Bradley needs ot have some time to just grow up as a little boy, and we're ready to help him do that! 

Day 21 of the 31 for 21 Blog Challenge!

Day 21 - Down Syndrome Awareness Month

Post Buddy Walk...like the day after Christmas, kind of still have the nice glow but have to return to your regular life and all the routine that goes with it.  Like the laundry...why does laundry multiply, and why do we still lose socks?  I mean our washer and dryer doesn't offer a lot of areas for socks to get sucked into the ether and yet, they're still gone.  I pondered this for a long time, I would do laundry, I would fold and cart the clothes to rooms for the girls to put away, and when I went to match the socks invariably...a ton sat there without a mate.  And you can't fudge these, the girls' socks have a dumb ring of color around the anklet - cause they're so cool!  Phhhtttt!!!  No they're not!  So the sock thing bugs me, but the girls have found a better to push my buttons...they like to dole out their dirty laundry to me in bits and pieces, as if it's the greatest present ever and they want to draw it out for me.  Makes me want to stop stacking the washer and dryer so that they can reach the controls and start their turn at doing the laundry.  Seems fair to me; after all, when I was ten I was doing my week of laundry and then my week of dishes and the next as bathroom scrubber....I preferred anything but dishes back then, but that still remains.  I don't mind laundry if it is at least organized and has an ending.  I need to see an empty basket with nothing in it; it's a psychological victory for me.  When there is still one piece of dirty laundry left it bugs me to no end...like to the point of contemplating how important that clothing item is in the grand scheme of things and if I could justify its placement into the trash for safe keeping.  Yeah, I know...money doesn't grow on trees and it takes but a matter of minutes before that piece of clothing has a buddy piece or ten waiting to be washed.  It's the way of things in a houseful of kids.   I know that, and I was okay with it if not at peace...and then socks and more socks were without a match...there was no way either the washer or dryer could eat that many, I mean it was epidemic.  How in the Heck was this happening? 

My daughters go through spurts that include playing with dolls...no big deal right...  Uh yeah...but guess who needs a towel after a nice soak in the bathtub, or who needs a sleeping bag for a bed...or a sack for the races...or how about a curtain...why not?  Their dolls needed all these things plus a few more I can't remember now.  And what provides for all these needs more than anything else?  Why, socks.  Big dolls need long socks and little dolls need anklets.  And well, the list goes on endlessly till my eyes wanted to roll back into my head and meet my brain for a one on one discussion...suffice it to say, we came to an agreement... The girls are to now use only paired socks, and when I call for laundry they have to make sure everyone gives up their sock for cleaning.  Don't know when they'll start bringing all their laundry at the same time, but hey...at least I have more socks in pairs than we did. 

Mundane at times, but routine is good.  Bradley is out of his in the worst way.  We're trying to ease him back in now that we're home again from our long weekend away.  Tomorrow, I'll do laundry and get Bradley settled back into his routines.  He'll sit on the floor playing with his Dino Pet, and his race track....set his blocks up and then knock them down; meanwhile, I'll wash, fold, match a few more socks than usual, and then cart clothes to rooms.  And just like that, we'll be back in our everyday.  Glamorous?  No.  But life is beautiful in its intricate dance from one little detail to its next; and if you watch close - the details are so nice, so sweet. 

Day 20 - EVERYBODY IS AWARE TODAY!

Day 20 -Some days are just made to be perfect! 

We've been trying to raise awareness about life with a child with Down syndrome. I've read the posts by people asking what would you say to a new parent of a baby with Down syndrome, what would you want said to you. I've already blogged about our birth experience with Bradley, how I was the only negative, those around me pretty much, well amazing.  So I have those memories to guide me and with that I still have this need for people to know the truth. Life with Bradley is not so different from our life with each of our other kids. The difference is in the medical additions, the doctors appts, the therapies. The giggles, the tantrums, the milestones (though a bit slower to come) they all come, and they're all worth it! I want them to know that there is something hard in almost everyday, no sense trying to pretend it's not. And I want them to look at their baby, and keep looking because the longer you look the more familiar things will become. And I want them to know that some days are perfect! Yes, that's very true. Confusing I know. But the girls are typical little girls with typical issues and it would be naive and irresponsible for me to say that they are easy and they are not work. Because some days, they are more work than their brother. Each one is a different kind of work, the medical stuff you get used too - what are you going to do, not do it and lose him? Yeah right, you can take me first. The girls like to throw the unexpected our way, daily - hourly - every minute...well you get the idea. Bradley throws his own stuff at us and it can come as quickly; we're learning to juggle three balls in the air as opposed to the two we had up there. And I am a terrible juggler, Bradley laughs at me when I juggle because he thinks it's funny when I drop a ball. But still, we juggle and we try and we make sure we see all three kids. 

Today was one of those perfect days. Bradley slept great, he woke up smiling and ready to go and we were off to the Buddy Walk with excitement despite the drizzle that was sometimes pretty heavy rain that showered us on the way. Some of our team members had to bow out, but we still had our Core Team, and they are the ones that made today perfect. For all of his medical issues, Bradley must have a special love for the Buddy Walk because he makes sure he is out of the hospital and capable of being there, he doesn't ever miss this. Why would he want too? There was an expectation of 1,500 people at the Buddy Walk this year - they got more, a lot more this year. It was fantastic, not the part where we had to look extra hard to find our team, but that there were so many people there loving someone who has Down syndrome. What a beautiful sight. We found our team, and we walked together in one unified group. We laughed and we took the time to catch up with each other. A reunion of some of our favorite people who just happen to love someone with Down syndrome, my little guy. What a lucky little guy! 

Bradley was amazing today! In the beginning, he was smiling and dancing before touring the Organ Pavilion with "aunt" Korin. He started the walk on Dad's shoulders and his big, beautiful blue eyes were seeing everything while he was waving and clapping, signing the word "Go!" and basically being the unofficial Parade marshal. His excitement was contagious, his joy surrounded us all.  He is healthy and he is happy; his sisters were busy flitting around him jumping in their excitement - their thrilled laughter pausing only for kissing or hugging their brother or whichever member of our team they were close to at the time. Surrounded by our "Japan Family" and our close San Diego family - we walked together, then watched Bradley walk and walk and walk! We felt the contentment of love that they brought us, and man - if we could bottle that we'd never feel cold again. We know that the Navy will be starting to whisk those loved ones away, but the memories of today are just one more in the many we have made together. Nothing stays the same, and someday they'll be with us in spirit rather than standing beside us with our arms wrapped tightly around them. Thank God for today, for the chance for us to experience a "Perfect" Day. 

So what would I tell a new family, standby...you may be reeling today, today may be a rough day...but there are tomorrows coming and they are worth the wait. There are unforgettable moments that are going to take your breath away and teach you how to live and to really breath...there are moments that are coming that will teach you how to love. It's not easy...everyday is hard, but then that's just the way life goes. Easy is not the best way - the best way is the way that lets you feel the importance of your life and the incredible feeling of knowing that you are connected to others. We were connected to some incredible people before Bradley was born; after he came, the connections to amazing people multiplied exponentially. I love my son, I would not change him for the world. And I love that world that my son has brought into our life with him. 

Today we had the joy of seeing others come together to love our son, and at the same time we got to see the loved ones of so many coming together to simply say: "That Extra Chromosome is only a big deal if you let it be. We're okay, our family is okay and our life is okay!" And it felt great to be a part of that. To Bradley's Buddy Brigade - God Bless every single one of you! The Adults who see the situation and the ramifications of this life and love Bradley and us. To the Kids that came out with them - and were willing and excited to be there - you warm my heart that there is a place for everyone in this life, for everyone including Bradley. 

I saw tolerance today, and there's only hope when you see that! A perfect day!

Day 19 - Rockin' Extra Chromosomes in October!

Day 19 - MRI Day

So some days are better than others. I used to think any day that gave me healthy kids was a good day. Geesh, those days just ROCK! I've learned since that I am truly not that picky. A day that doesn't include needles, sedation, a hospital - yeah, those days are the ones that rock. Then I decided a day where there are no medical personnel, well those are even better. Give me a day without therapy and it's like a guilty pleasure; it's all pleasure, the guilt is in knowing how much the therapy is helping.  Today was not a rock worthy day. Today was filled with everything on my "Avoid like the plague list" and though that list is not too terribly long, nonetheless, it is mighty and I have great respect for things on that list. Rattlesnakes on on there...etc. like that.  But avoid it we could not, he had to have his MRI, but at least it is over. Bradley came through another sedation, another MRI very well. And for that we are grateful. The relief I feel makes me rethink myself in what makes a day rock. I guess if you have to go to a hospital - leaving it the same day absolutely feels awesome. Leaving it with copies of everything so you don't have to go back for them, just an incredible feeling. So perhaps the day wasn't completely rock worthy, but I know that parts of it really and truly rocked! Watching him devour an orange popsicle, and then carry him out of the hospital the same day, that was a gift! Exhausting day, but a good day nonetheless.

An added note - between super sleepy and working on the tablet, I had to come back and edit today Day 20.  But it was so important to me to make sure I didn't miss a day, you got the previous mess.  It looks better now.  :-)  Blogging 31 days for 21 - because it's so important!  Wishing you Joy!  

Day 18 - Down Syndrome Awareness in Beautiful October!

Day 18 - Back on the Tablet

Yes, my sweet friends, we're on the move again so I'm tapping away on the tablet here. We have a laptop, and I could have dragged the laptop along too, but it's a whole lot heavier than the tablet. For all concerned I decided to write the blog while in traffic and spell check later, around ten or eleven when we finally hit San Diego. We can only hope we won't be completely frazzled but, if you've ever driven in California at all you know that peace and common sense do not prevail on the roadways. Through the lunatic GPS we named Lola in honor of famous Lola from the movie "RV" - and sometimes it amazes me that we ever get where we plan too.

You'd think that our life of constant change would make us super flexible, but that's just not quite us, but who truly loves traffic anyway? We try to listen to Lola but I swear she finds traffic for us as if she just wants someone to talk too. Now that all of Bradley's medical is up by us, we don't use her as much, maybe she's lonely and a little bit mad at us. As she sometimes like to cruise us through parts of town I've never been through nor have I ever wanted to cruise through, I kind of lean towards mad. Either way, we're headed to San Diego for Bradley to have a MRI on his brain. May of 2011 they found a pineal cyst sitting smack dab in the middle of his brain, it sits in a place where no one wants to venture. And here's the deal - if it doesn't grow or change its behavior, it can stay there. Way too hard to operate to remove. I hate when they tell us that because then if the unthinkable happens I'm so freaked out I can't think straight. Get past the MRI, get past the appointment with the Neurosurgeon and then get on with some semblance of a mundane and simple life...that's as good a set of goals as any.

But for now, just hoping to have successful sedation, easy wake up and no surprises. But all is not completely crappy as we are excited for Bradley's 3rd Buddy Walk. We think that he might even walk most of this year's all by himself. Last year he held my hands and took a few steps, this year he might just run the whole mile with the rest of us keeping up, or trying to keep up anyway. We think we have enough people to make a perimeter around him in order to keep him contained. We have the greatest team ever, Bradley's Buddy Brigade is ready to roll out and support our little guy and all the other kids and adults out there that have Down sydrome. And who knows, perhaps in our spare time we'll get the wheels turning and start our own Buddy Walk in Ventura here soon. We'd love to have one closer to home, but we also just really love the group we have in San Diego and we're greedy, if we can have that in two cities...yeah you bet we want that too! But for now, we're just really excited to see our Team, to watch our son take a walk, and fall in love with Balboa Park in San Diego all over again!

Day 17 Blogging the 31 for 21 Challenge

Meet my Oreos! 

Sometimes love comes so fast and so blinding that we never know what hits us...sometimes we introduce something and pray that love will come...and sometimes, when you are super lucky, you get to watch how love blooms ever so gently, ever so sweetly, ever so completely.  My oldest is ten, she was the one that cried the day her brother was born.  Madison...my sweet Madison, aptly nicknamed "San Onofre" as her passionate existence could power that Nuclear Power Plant - her love affair with her brother began in the womb and exploded in color and light the moment he was born.  To say the path was not fraught with entanglements would be a lie...for there were a few on the way.  You see, she was old enough for us to try to explain how her brother was different.  At first, her concern was if he would die.  Once we'd eased that concern, she was great.  I mean really great, scary in her completely accepting of her brother.  Intimidating in her unswerving love of her brother and who he is; her constant desire to love on him and hold him.  I was proud of her and ashamed of me for a bit there... I mean why was I so upset and confused?  My, at the time, 8 year old was perfectly cool with her brother and his extra chromosome.  Ah, but sweet Madison had a secret and she finally blurted out one night that she would never have children because she didn't want to have a baby with Down Syndrome.  Ah, if only this could have come when I wasn't driving and my answer could have been a more poetic response rather than the cross between "aaahhh" and "urrrrgh" that flew out of my mouth as I tried to keep the car straight and turn to stare at my daughter at the same time.  (Oh, and let's throw in the dark, rainy night while driving on the opposite side of the road as we were in Japan at the time).  And as she cried over her admission I cried over it too.  I wanted to tell her that she shouldn't say that, ever...but I knew that speaking from her innocent heart was what I wanted for her and from her.  We talked and talked some more.  I gave her more than she knew how to process, then I would repeat, and repeat, and repeat...  All the while it was not lost on me that while I was teaching my daughter how not frightening her brother's extra chromosome was I was repeating myself over and over until she could take all the pieces of information and assemble them into something she could take out and examine and then make her own decision about.  From all I had read and all I had been told this is exactly the techinique I would need to use to teach Bradley as well.   I was honest with her, No I hadn't wanted a baby with Down Syndrome either, but Bradley was here and I was the one that he was given too, so Imwas the one that was going to love him and raise him and hope eventually he'd forgive me for being afraid.  I told her that her brother was the Gift that most people had no idea they wanted.  It's the Gift that comes with such enormous responsibility, such life altering implications that most think they want to pass on it, or are grateful when they get skipped over for it...but it is a Gift.  Bradley is a Gift, we were responsible before him, now we understand how far reaching that responsibility truly is; how important it is to make the connections that matter, the ones that will make his life better, the ones that will nurture our girls and make their lives better - we get that now.  And we are now grateful that the Gift came to our house, I'd be lying if I said it didn't still sting sometimes...but I also know that there are really incredible moments to be had in with Bradley that would ease any stings.  You wouldn't think them a big deal, but when they happen they become "Hallelujah" moments, I live for these!  This morning I watched him scoop yogurt into his mouth, mostly on his own.  I watched as he lay his spoon down, took a drink form his cup, set it down relatively gently, pick up his spoon and eat more yogurt.  I felt the same joy I felt watching my girls do the same thing.  I felt a small trickle of triumph for this huge step for Bradley, and I felt a surge of hope - perhaps he is one step closer to being without a G-Tube, to sitting at my table with his family and eating every meal he needs from there and not while he sleeps.  Amazing what one little lift a spoon can do while in the hand of one little guy!  No pressure Bradley, geesh! 

My other Oreo is my Sydney.  My Incredible Firecracker so aptly nicknamed by my cousin.  Her love affair with her brother was the slow but enduring kind.  The slow growth from a curious five year old to a more mature eight year old.  She's the one that wanted a sister and blamed her father for the existence of a boy in the womb rather than a girl.  Is she that smart?  I fear she might be.  Do I think that intellectually she knew that the male determines gender...No...but...  Do I allow for the improbable possibility that she heard it in passing somewhere and took it out of the incredible recesses of her mind to connect with her traumatic moment...sure, I can believe it possible. ;-)  She's amazing like that.  At five and six she wanted God to keep Bradley a baby forever because he was so cute.  To which I told her that God had given us a compromise, that Bradley would not stay a baby forever but that he would stay a baby a little longer for us to enjoy; and honestly, long enough to give her solid memories of him as a baby.  She won't forget these memories, and I am grateful.  She's eight now, and apparently there is something incredible that happens at eight.  As a parent you get to see into the adult your child is going to be - the inner workings of their minds start to show themselves and you see the shaping that you've been working on and how it looks like it might progress from here.  A little bit anyway.  Where Madison was dealing with a new diagnosis about her brother, for Sydney - now this is old hat.  She told me that she wants to have a baby with Down Syndrome when she becomes a mom, she thought it would be great.  And then her bravado wavered as she looked at me, "Mom would you help me?"  I smiled and told her: "Every step of the way."  And she was satisfied.  If only it could always be that easy.  Most days I just wish that this complete acceptance on her brother would roll into a tiny amount of acceptance for her sister, and that goes both ways.  It's almost as if they expend all their daily quota on loving and accepting their brother and leave nothing for each other.  But I can see where as much as they are different, the areas that they are most alike are those areas that rub up against each other constantly.  I can only hope that when they are older they will learn to get along, or that Bradley will become the creme in the middle of the Oreo and hold his sisters together.  Why?  Because he's going to be at that annoying little brother stage when the girls are old enough to start dating, I can't think of a better chaperone!  Teehee....  rubbing my hands together with gleeful anticipation! 

My Bradley may have the extra chromosome...but my three kids together have the extra something that makes them pretty great little people and I believe - unstoppable as a unit!