Day 24 - Awareness Works
There's a lot of talk right now as people argue about the use of the R-word. Yeah, I don't say it and I don't want to type it. The word retard used to mean "slow to grow" and that should be all right except now there is a new meaning that specifically refers to individuals with intellectual disabilities. Well, way to go Webster's for catching up with modern usage...but completely forget the part where it's completely inappropriate to use. In fact, Webster's writes that it is "sometimes offensive." Let me tell you a secret Webster's, it's always offensive.
When Eric was in dog training school they taught them that it wasn't a matter of "If" the handler was going to get bit, it was a matter of "When". We've jokingly used that phrase in our life...like it's not a matter of "If" one of the kids was going to spit up on us, it was merely a question of "When". And now we know this to be true, it's not a matter of "If" someone is going to call my son the R-word, it's a matter of "When". It makes me sad, carves out a piece of me - I shouldn't let it, but words have power and words can change your life. "Honey, I'm pregnant!" "It's a Girl!" "It's a Boy!" "He has Down syndrome." See what I mean, the simplest words that mean next to nothing separately, become life altering and path changing in a grouping. But even as my heart worries, hurts and prepares for the worst for Bradley...well, I hear my own words. Is it possible? Is there a chance that maybe we can eradicate the word before it becomes a weapon that is hurled at my son down the road somewhere? Look at the words that have been relatively removed from our daily use of language. Some of the most disparaging and most offensive words have been removed from our daily language, or accepted speech because society decided it wasn't okay. In fact, Mark Twain was almost driven our of our libraries because some of his language is considered offensive by our higher moral standards today. Isn't that what we're saying now, that it isn't okay to use the R-word. That there are individuals who never asked to have Down syndrome, who never asked to have intellectual delays, who cannot fight back against the hate that comes behind the use of the word. Yes, hate. A person that chooses to hurl this insulting use of the R-word does it out of hate and fear. Someone who is afraid of who they see. Fear.... the all powerful fear. What does a typically developed person who hurls hate have to fear from someone born with an extra chromosome?
My son has a beautiful make-up of all the recessive genes that my husband and I could give; lucky for Bradley the recessive genes are the best we had to give him. He has the most incredible blue eyes that look into your soul and sees the beauty within, whether you want to like him or not. He has this incredibly sweet smile that warms the deepest corners of your heart, areas that you have shuttered closed and never knew you were trying to hide away. He is purity and he is mischief. He is beguiling in his ability to try to manipulate us; he's almost three, he knows how to do this. He's no different from any other toddler learning to get what he wants. And that's it isn't it? There is a saying that we hear a lot in this community of Down syndrome individuals and their families; "More alike than different." My son looks like his sisters. Set the three of them in a row and you're going to smile at the connections in their looks that proves that they are related, they are siblings. If you look hard enough you can find the differences; look long enough and you'll just enjoy how cute they are all together. See where this goes, that we are more alike than different. Perhaps there are small physical differences and intellectual disabilities, but on the grand scale there are so many things that make Bradley so much like his sisters; a lot like the rest of us if you think about it. If you treat my son kindly it doesn't mean that you are intellectually disabled, it means that you are kind like him in the way that he is kind. When you are sweet to him, it is because he is sweet and he shares that with you. When he makes your heart feel warm, then you're just lucky; because how many people in your life can honestly do that for you with just a smile or a hug?
Free speech says you can say whatever you like. You can call me every name in the book and well, good for you...but guess what, I can respond back to you, I can fight back with all the ammunition at my disposal, all I have in my own brain to react with. My son cannot now, and I don't know how well he'll be able to fight back when he's older. I'll choose my battles and they will always be defending my son, so pick your battles and be prepared to battle me when you send the R-word at my boy. Before you do, be aware, I will make a Mother Bear look like a stuffed toy. Better yet, let's just stop the word all together and make it part of the past. Oh, before I forget...Pretty please! Not everyone in this world is brilliant, or intelligent, or smart...some are just not so smart - but everyone has their gifts, no one deserves to be called the R-word, extra chromosome or not.
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