Day 22 - Awareness through being well...Aware.
Tomorrow we're headed back to San Diego and a visit with my least favorite doctor in the world. I'd say my least favorite person, but I don't really know the guy and it's a toss up as to which person in his office I dislike the most...so well, what can you do? We used to see this behavior in the military where the spouse felt like he or she wore the Active members rank on their collar. It still runs rampant, and some of us chose to whole heartedly disengage ourselves from those members that felt the need to carry this ranking. I personally find their behavior ridiculous and outright embarrassing. I remember one incident where one of our Japanese Guards in Atsugi was teasing me and said "Go through Chief." and I looked at him mortified and said, "No, no, no...I'm not military, I'm just a civilian. I'm the wife!" He laughed, said he was sorry and sent me on my way. And as I drove away I was sickened by the idea that perhaps he thought I was one of those spouses, that these guards that I respected, saw many times a day as I carted myself or students back and forth and back and forth, again and again - might think I was uppity, obnoxious, fit with a strong undesirable case of entitlement issues. For I did respect these guards, these are good people that man the gates at the military bases in Japan. Because they are Japanese? Yeah, probably. Honor, respect, decency. There is no greater compliment than one handed down by one of these kind people. I was terrified by what I might have done, for I knew how much my husband was respected and liked by them. I followed every rule, rarely forgot an ID (two or three times, but I can explain) - and always offered to bring it back if I did, and I made all of my students and guests abide by the rules too. That's a big deal, not everyone did. I was so straight, I was boring. How had I offended? I was a tiny ripple in a largish pond - Atsugi is not a big place, that base is small enough that you either know the person or know of the person through one or two removed friends. Kevin Bacon would have a field day there it's that small. But here I was wondering and worrying, I didn't want to be known, let alone known for trying to wear a set of anchors I had not earned nor did I deserve. Fret, fret, fret, worry....cringe as I came to the gates, wondering what would be said when the same guard was working again. Going through so often I pretty much knew within a few hours when we'd meet again (I did say I went in and out a lot)! Finally, here I was pulling up to the gate with just my girls in the back of my little CAPA. I stopped and he grinned at me like he always had with warmth of recognition and he said to me, "Go on through Mrs. Chief and Little Chiefs" as he waved at my girls in the backseat. Some the guards that Eric knew pretty well, he'd asked them to wave back at our children because the girls were liable to cry if the guards didn't return their heartfelt and enthusiastic waves. But wave he did, like he always had, like he always would...for he loved Chief's kids. And from then on I was, "Mrs. Chief" and not once did I want to stop and discuss the origin of the term "Mrs" and why I always went by "Ms" with him. For him I let it go, because from him it was an endearment and I stopped worrying that someone looked at me like I was trying to be something I wasn't.
But just in case you're wondering, here's how the story goes: (my husband is groaning about now), back in merry old England before the Americas were a glimmer in history, unless she was the Queen - women were merely property of men: used to tend their house and person, and birth their children - she was her husband's property and was referred to as "Mr's" (get the possessive here). Over the years, the apostrophe was slowly removed or forgotten until we come to today's "Mrs". I prefer "Ms" as I am no man's property, but I am accepting of "Mrs" because I am as much Eric's as he is mine - and I am secure in that feeling and proud to work at keeping this relationship where it should be and as great as it can be! ;-) Still, this was a constant part of my lecture series to my Japanese students as I introduced them to the idiosyncrasies of the English language. I had so many classes that launched into lively and humorous debate over this that we often revisited the topic when new students joined us. :-) I miss my students, they brought me such joy in letting me teach them, learn from them and just be a part of their lives! There, now I am once again homesick for Japan! Sigh!
But all this leads back to an office staff that thinks because they work at the Neurosurgeon's office that they are as important as he believes himself to be. And maybe he is, I sure can't conquer Brain surgery, but then I've never been interested in it. And I can tell you right now, my ability with bedside manner - that would blow him out of the water. Everyone has their gifts and I will concede to his, and to even him being allowed to be cocky and kind of jerk as long as he is saving the lives of children. His staff is nothing other than power hungry wannabes that wear his name on their sleeve to make them feel important. We agreed to let Bradley return for one more look before moving him to another Neurosurgeon closer to home for us; otherwise, we wouldn't be going back down there. So one more day, one more trip. Eric is taking the day to go with me though we believe that the results will be fine, that the cyst in Bradley's brain will not have grown or changed behavior and we believe that this will be ten minutes tops to say, no change thank you for coming. But we are both aware that the odds always play into our existence and Eric wants to be with me so I am not alone should the unexpected happen. If we are prepared it will be fine...always holds true for us. If we go in not prepared, chaos theory ensues and we're left grasping at straws. No more chaos, Bradley needs ot have some time to just grow up as a little boy, and we're ready to help him do that!
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