Sometimes love comes so fast and so blinding that we never know what hits us...sometimes we introduce something and pray that love will come...and sometimes, when you are super lucky, you get to watch how love blooms ever so gently, ever so sweetly, ever so completely. My oldest is ten, she was the one that cried the day her brother was born. Madison...my sweet Madison, aptly nicknamed "San Onofre" as her passionate existence could power that Nuclear Power Plant - her love affair with her brother began in the womb and exploded in color and light the moment he was born. To say the path was not fraught with entanglements would be a lie...for there were a few on the way. You see, she was old enough for us to try to explain how her brother was different. At first, her concern was if he would die. Once we'd eased that concern, she was great. I mean really great, scary in her completely accepting of her brother. Intimidating in her unswerving love of her brother and who he is; her constant desire to love on him and hold him. I was proud of her and ashamed of me for a bit there... I mean why was I so upset and confused? My, at the time, 8 year old was perfectly cool with her brother and his extra chromosome. Ah, but sweet Madison had a secret and she finally blurted out one night that she would never have children because she didn't want to have a baby with Down Syndrome. Ah, if only this could have come when I wasn't driving and my answer could have been a more poetic response rather than the cross between "aaahhh" and "urrrrgh" that flew out of my mouth as I tried to keep the car straight and turn to stare at my daughter at the same time. (Oh, and let's throw in the dark, rainy night while driving on the opposite side of the road as we were in Japan at the time). And as she cried over her admission I cried over it too. I wanted to tell her that she shouldn't say that, ever...but I knew that speaking from her innocent heart was what I wanted for her and from her. We talked and talked some more. I gave her more than she knew how to process, then I would repeat, and repeat, and repeat... All the while it was not lost on me that while I was teaching my daughter how not frightening her brother's extra chromosome was I was repeating myself over and over until she could take all the pieces of information and assemble them into something she could take out and examine and then make her own decision about. From all I had read and all I had been told this is exactly the techinique I would need to use to teach Bradley as well. I was honest with her, No I hadn't wanted a baby with Down Syndrome either, but Bradley was here and I was the one that he was given too, so Imwas the one that was going to love him and raise him and hope eventually he'd forgive me for being afraid. I told her that her brother was the Gift that most people had no idea they wanted. It's the Gift that comes with such enormous responsibility, such life altering implications that most think they want to pass on it, or are grateful when they get skipped over for it...but it is a Gift. Bradley is a Gift, we were responsible before him, now we understand how far reaching that responsibility truly is; how important it is to make the connections that matter, the ones that will make his life better, the ones that will nurture our girls and make their lives better - we get that now. And we are now grateful that the Gift came to our house, I'd be lying if I said it didn't still sting sometimes...but I also know that there are really incredible moments to be had in with Bradley that would ease any stings. You wouldn't think them a big deal, but when they happen they become "Hallelujah" moments, I live for these! This morning I watched him scoop yogurt into his mouth, mostly on his own. I watched as he lay his spoon down, took a drink form his cup, set it down relatively gently, pick up his spoon and eat more yogurt. I felt the same joy I felt watching my girls do the same thing. I felt a small trickle of triumph for this huge step for Bradley, and I felt a surge of hope - perhaps he is one step closer to being without a G-Tube, to sitting at my table with his family and eating every meal he needs from there and not while he sleeps. Amazing what one little lift a spoon can do while in the hand of one little guy! No pressure Bradley, geesh!
My other Oreo is my Sydney. My Incredible Firecracker so aptly nicknamed by my cousin. Her love affair with her brother was the slow but enduring kind. The slow growth from a curious five year old to a more mature eight year old. She's the one that wanted a sister and blamed her father for the existence of a boy in the womb rather than a girl. Is she that smart? I fear she might be. Do I think that intellectually she knew that the male determines gender...No...but... Do I allow for the improbable possibility that she heard it in passing somewhere and took it out of the incredible recesses of her mind to connect with her traumatic moment...sure, I can believe it possible. ;-) She's amazing like that. At five and six she wanted God to keep Bradley a baby forever because he was so cute. To which I told her that God had given us a compromise, that Bradley would not stay a baby forever but that he would stay a baby a little longer for us to enjoy; and honestly, long enough to give her solid memories of him as a baby. She won't forget these memories, and I am grateful. She's eight now, and apparently there is something incredible that happens at eight. As a parent you get to see into the adult your child is going to be - the inner workings of their minds start to show themselves and you see the shaping that you've been working on and how it looks like it might progress from here. A little bit anyway. Where Madison was dealing with a new diagnosis about her brother, for Sydney - now this is old hat. She told me that she wants to have a baby with Down Syndrome when she becomes a mom, she thought it would be great. And then her bravado wavered as she looked at me, "Mom would you help me?" I smiled and told her: "Every step of the way." And she was satisfied. If only it could always be that easy. Most days I just wish that this complete acceptance on her brother would roll into a tiny amount of acceptance for her sister, and that goes both ways. It's almost as if they expend all their daily quota on loving and accepting their brother and leave nothing for each other. But I can see where as much as they are different, the areas that they are most alike are those areas that rub up against each other constantly. I can only hope that when they are older they will learn to get along, or that Bradley will become the creme in the middle of the Oreo and hold his sisters together. Why? Because he's going to be at that annoying little brother stage when the girls are old enough to start dating, I can't think of a better chaperone! Teehee.... rubbing my hands together with gleeful anticipation!
My Bradley may have the extra chromosome...but my three kids together have the extra something that makes them pretty great little people and I believe - unstoppable as a unit!
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