October 2, 2022
In five days, we will hit 1 year and 9 months since we
started potty training with Bradley. Half the time, I calculate in my head and
think it’s more like two years and some months…but that’s what happens when you
are in quarantine for so long. I guess if I had had a crystal ball and could
have known that two weeks would become two years…I could have started at the beginning,
and we might be there by now. I also would have bought stock in Amazon…but that’s
another story completely. Anyway, in terms of success, we have learned to
measure success in tiny increments. Originally, we were on every ten minutes
and working our way up and sometimes back from there. Bradley certainly has
been resistant to this idea of potty training. We have fought and he has tried
to out stubborn the whole family. But we have persisted to the point that he
will now comply and go when we take him to the bathroom. He is also a ton
better about holding it and not having accidents. He still has his fair share,
but we find that often it happens when he needs to have a bowel movement – so we
try to be vigilant.
And when I say we have improved, we have seen it. This summer
we took a long drive to Florida for Sydney’s last Club Tournament, and it was a
long drive! We put a pull-up over his big boy underwear and slowly pushed out
our driving time. No accidents all the way through to Florida. Once we got to
the hotel in FL we had our first accident, a couple while we were there at the
hotel itself, but none throughout the tournament or our time in Florida. It was
like he knew if we were in the hotel he could overly relax, and we were close
to laundry – for that I was grateful.
Even once we got home, his relaxation here is evident in the
number of accidents he has.
Here’s the issue, he doesn’t initiate. This probably explains
so many accidents at home because I keep trying to wait him out and get him to
take the initiative to go on his own. We go too long, and I am just taking him,
or he has an accident. It sucks and has made life a little more difficult and
has had some impact on that positive spin I try to keep in place, making it a
different spin altogether – one that looks a lot like a messy chaos that
refuses to be contained. I mean, come on…he knows what to do and how to do it,
he either still can’t feel or recognize the signs within himself, or he just
refuses. I worry constantly that he will never know the signs, that maybe part
of his digestive issues is going to be that he cannot tell when he needs to go.
I’ve had tons of advice and I think I have tried absolutely everything – but he
is not initiating.
Last week I was just on the verge of pull-ups again. I didn’t,
but I thought about it, a lot. I know the amount of ground we lose if I back
down, but some days it is exhausting. When his meds are out of whack, his
digestion is out of whack and his inability to control his bowel movements are
the result of so much more work and cleaning than there is time in the day.
Home for five days because he had liquid stool at school (that’s a messy rhyme)–
turns out he was impacted, and it was a clean out situation for five days. After
cleaning the carpet three times, the couch as often if not more and so many loads
of laundry and showers – we did end up using a pull-up a couple days to help
protect the furniture, the carpet, and lessen the laundry…I was really starting
to question my sanity and my resolve.
I’m pretty sure that Eric questions my resolve, or at least
wonders if my stubborn side is fighting a battle we can’t win. And though he
may have these internal debates with himself, he doesn’t say them out loud. But
sometimes his looks are very loud and clear, even as he supports my plan completely.
Together we keep asking and taking and hoping.
That brings us to now. The other day I had just cleaned up a
pair of messy pants, again. Granted Bradley has an ear infection and on oral
antibiotics, so it’s a mess right now. But I was standing there waiting while
he went potty, and I was wondering if it was truly worth it. Have I made an
unrealistic expectation on all of us that Bradley is going to get this one huge
step, this massive leap into independence by seeing him finally take control of
this part of his life? And in that moment when you start to second guess your
decisions on how you do or do not push your son in this area and not that area…the
whole spiral of uncertainty will land on your shoulders and feel heavier that
it normally feels.
But then you ask your son; who is not feeling well, if he
wants to sit with you on the couch. He tells you No. But then he tells you “Mama,
puppy” because he wants the dogs back in from outside. Then he sat across from
me, looked at me – grabbed his pillow and walked it over to set it beside me
and climbed up to lean against me. And in these moments life slows down and the
second guessing gets a little quieter and there’s a definite acceptance of
peace. His fight to resist the step into independence and my fight to keep
walking him to that moment where he takes his own control – that battle rests
for a few minutes only to be picked up again later.
And that battle does continue. I have put a towel under him at
his place on the couch. He yanks it off and I put it back down. And just maybe,
this is the final straw for him. After three days of this Laurel and Hardy routine
between him and I, we had something different today. Today, he got up and we
thought he was following Sydney down the Hall, it’s a favorite pastime for him.
But then Sydney came walking back by and there was no Bradley. So, I get up and
she and I start looking for him and can’t find him anywhere, so that gets Dad and
Madison also looking. As my last-ditch look before I panic, I glance into the
bathroom as I hurry by and see his toes sticking out from the end of the small
wall there. I stop and walk in and see that he is not only on the potty, but he
has gone… and had a bowel movement. All by himself, without first having an
accident in his pants, he walked into the bathroom, sat down and went potty. I
am so overjoyed I am speechless; no small feat as most know. And I am weepy,
(because I just do that as most know) trying not to upset Bradley who just keeps
reaching for hugs because his ridiculous mother is crying over his poop, again.
Now we know he can do it. We know he will do it. What we don’t
know is if or when he will do it again! But today, today we had a major victory
in our house, and it felt incredible! Perhaps he wanted his other movie because
the one he was watching went to sleep and he knows he’d have to go potty before
he got it anyway…but that doesn’t matter right now. Right now, he went in on his
own and took care of his business!
Life was Good today! Today was the small gift that keeps you
trying and believing. Life was good today/
Day Two – 31For21 Blog Challenge for Down Syndrome Awareness
and Acceptance
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