October 17, 2022
Back in July, about a week after we got home from Florida, I took off for Vegas on my own. I went for Amy companies big training conference. I am not a huge lover of long drives by myself, nor am I huge on loving crowds. I had never stayed at the MGM Grand, so all parts down to parking were a nervous set of circumstances for me. I drive a car with surround cameras to help with parking etc., but being nervous in parking seems a ridiculous reason to be nervous about. But hey, we all have our kryptonite. 😉 right!? Hey my lameness makes me cautious and careful - which I am sure makes me way cool in some circles somewhere, or squares perhaps. Doesn’t matter. I knew all my anxieties were going to ride with me on the way there, but I think that sometimes I do that because it is easier to worry about all those things coming rather than those things left behind. Leaving Bradley behind us never easy. This time I knew we were trying something new, the girls were taking their turns and helping each other keep him safe and happy to help Dad still get some work hours in. Madison is 20 and a certified CNA. Sydney was almost 18 at the time - silly on my part to worry… but I am his mom. And I just as I worry about my boy, I also worry about the girls and dad.
But I love my company and what I do, and I appreciate the importance of attending this conference, the excitement and the chance to have people pour wisdom into you. So we worked it out and off I went.
I got their late afternoon Tuesday. There was checking in, and with so many people attending - that took a minute. I found my roomie while I was in line for hotel check in. Nicest lady and such a sweet friend, super lucky to connect with her. We checked in to the conference and spent the time looking and exploring all the amazing exhibits and fun to be had. By the time we had dinner and got back to the room, Bradley was already asleep. I got to talk to the rest of the family though.
Our next day was so busy! At the first training, I found my friend I had met at a different conference in Dallas the year before. I hadn’t seen her, thought she wasn’t coming and when I saw her, I was so excited I had tears. Sometimes you are Blessed to meet the best people that make your life better for knowing them, she is one of those people for me. We met the team and had so many trainers.
We ran hard! I FaceTimed Sydney briefly and saw Bradley, but he was not interested in interacting with me. I only had a few minutes but I was happy to see Sydney’s sweet face and at least see Bradley even if he wouldn’t acknowledge me. I hoped to talk to them all that night, but it was so late, I had no chance and had only been texting throughout the day to talk to them, check in with the girls on how Bradley was doing and wishing my boy could text me too. I was enjoying my time, learning so much and there was so much excitement as we learned about our new products and got the chance to try them and buy them to take home - which was a new and very exciting perk.
By Thursday though, I was getting antsy. Eric was home early, so after my morning session I found a corner to FaceTime them. I had a few minutes before our team met for lunch, so I stood next to a closed shop and called. This time, Bradley was willing to interact with me. He was smiling at me saying Hi and momma. He was showing me some of his personality and being shy as he watched the screen, maybe more interested in seeing himself than in seeing me - but I’ll take it. He was cute and sweet and I tried very hard not to cry.
I have been places without him. I have taken the girls to Orlando for almost two weeks. In April this year I took Sydney to New Hampshire to visit a college for three days, came home slept in my bed one night and then took both girls to Vegas to see BTS in concert and then drove home the day after. I’ve had time away from him. We’ve worked around time changes and I’ve always been able to at least see him everyday, and since he won’t talk on a phone - FaceTime is important. Really important.
I know why I went and I believe in my journey, I believe that at the end of the day where I am going my family will be better for the work I put in. I know that Bradley is safe and well with the girls whenever Dad has to work. I just didn’t realize how hard it is to not have some kind of connection with Bradley when I’m gone. I think that Eric knew I was struggling a little bit, he started to send me little video clips and pictures so I could see Bradley and by the time we had our next FaceTime, Bradley either really missed me or was just in the mood to smile and laugh. Practice, practice, practice.
I loaded up and left that Saturday morning and got home around lunch time. I wanted to get home but was exhausted from the events so I took a breather and left about an hour later than I had planned. So absolutely good to get home and full of so much excitement to share. Our main speakers were so amazing, Eric actually watched both of their speeches with me on the replay I had access too, even he was impressed as they were just that good!!
A great event and I’m glad I went. And I learned something about my mom limitations and needs when it comes to my sweet boy. I’m sure next time will be better, schedules are made for these moments - I’ll just schedule our calls, no more issuing calls with him - just missing him and the family all together. 🥰
31For21 Blog Challenge for Down Syndrome Awareness and Acceptance
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