Under the Influence of Oreos: Sharing a February Memory

Happy Friday

My last girl graduated from High School in 2022. But in February, before college decisions were made - we went to Vegas one more time for one last tournament. It was an emotional journey and one that left its mark on all of us in its own way. Below is what I wrote on our way back home, I don’t know why I didn’t publish it then, as sometimes happens, it sort of got lost in the shuffle of getting home, unpacking and settling Bradley. But there were some incredible moments, definite lessons and reminders of Faith. Now in Oct, things are not what we thought they would be, but knowing that the girls are on their path to the lives they want to create makes it all right. And hearing Bradley trying to repeat words as becoming clearer when he does, that makes a whole lot all right as well. But for now, I invite you into a memory created in the last year in an incredible journey.

Feb 22, 2022 - We’re heading home from Vegas. It was our last volleyball tournament in Vegas for Sydney. We can’t believe it. Madison stayed home for work and school; but Eric, Bradley and I piled in to make the long drive to be there. Even as we made our way; I knew it would be a blink of an eye in the middle of long days, and it would be over quickly and for forever. But that’s what senior year means - the end of the hard work, the last time we do anything for the first time connected to school: first day of school, first home game, first away game… and the last of them.

We have these kids, and we raise them to become the people they are meant to be, and on that road, we get taken on an amazing journey as we watch them grow, and we watch them change us as we grow into what we hope will be the parents they deserve to have. In 18 short but incredible years we sit in the first row of the life story of someone we created and remain in awe at how amazing they are, what incredible people they are growing into being - and it is humbling beyond words as you realize, they are so much more than you. That these girls of mine; on the cusp of their lives, ready to leave us behind - somehow came from Eric and I. Around the Special Needs community folks hear how special kids are given to special parents. What we know, what we have learned and watched happen is the simple truth that special kids create the parents they need. The child is the gift, the parent does the work to be strong enough, smart enough, loving enough to help that gift reach his or her full potential. Parenting our girls has proven the same journey. Learning to be strong enough, smart enough, loving enough to walk the line through the middle of the chaos that happens with life.

The girls sifted through life until they found their passions, and we were happy that we got volleyball. We thought it would be softball for about a minute - but it reverted back to volleyball. And then they took us on a Hell of a ride. We’ve ridden this roller coaster through the dips and valleys, the highs that were so exciting and the terrifying lows that brought pain and tears and fear. This was our family - we stayed through it; always together, making the girls feel that we were the foundation so they had the courage to stretch further than they believed they could to become the best they could become in this incredibly fun and at times, frustrating sport.

Senior night made me cry twice, for Madison and then for Sydney. The last games for Sydney - away and home, were incredibly emotional. I definitely had the emotion with Madison, but we still had Sydney to return for, so it didn’t feel real. It sure feels real now.

There will be more volleyball tournaments to end the year - just no more in Vegas. We walked our last almost mile from parking to convention center at Mandalay Bay, the last time to stand and look around at the colors, the flash of movement, the faces of the girls just beginning this journey. The nervous smiles and the fresh look on their faces not yet fully aware of the politics that will come, and the look of calm on the seasoned players, how some are better able to hide their nerves and frustration, and those that can’t - even at the 18s level. Hearing the sound of the whistles, the cheers and the boos. Taking it all in, trying to soak it up and hold it in so it can be taken out and held for view some time down the line when the road has led them far away and I need to remember and forget how much I miss this time, these moments, these girls.

There is something especially hard when you learn that others are playing a game that neither you know how to play, let alone know how to teach your kid how to play. Standing beside my daughter this weekend, holding her close as she looked at me with tears in her eyes - her frustration trying not to overflow - just broke something inside me, knowing that I had to think of something to say to help her walk a different path in her thoughts to navigate the land mines she was surrounded by. Transitioning from a coach that liked her, might genuinely love her, to one that doesn’t like her has been difficult. Politics of the Club and Coaches has reduced her playtime, even in practice and leaving her skills a bit rusty for a weekend of volleyball, but she really wasn’t supposed to play. So, Coach put her in for the first set of the first game. She struggled and came out. Coach talked to her during the second set, and she was honest about how she plays and how she has to work through her game to get it set. And when I hugged her after, we talked about the games a coach plays and how she has never had to deal with a coach like this one. But we also told her that Dad had just spent some time talking to her HS Coach about what was happening to her at this Club and talked about reps with him so this time before potential College ball could still be useful and productive. And that seemed to settle her. I think when he came over to sit beside me and talk with me for quite a while, also seemed to help.

When she played in the very next game - she played as she plays, and never came off again until the very last day of the tournament. The nerves were gone, the confidence was back. She was settled into the player she can be - and we saw her play some of her best volleyball the rest of the weekend. After a 7 am start - the last games of the day, and back-to-back challenge matches… they finally fumbled and slid from gold bracket and medal hunt into silver bracket. They would finish 14th out of 120. Not bad, but she wanted a Bid to Junior Nationals - so disappointing. They all were, and the next morning on the Finals Day, she cheered from the bench, and we were done early. But in the end, she played some of the best volleyball she’s ever played, and it was so much fun to watch. Everyone stumbles from time to time, and she did stumble. Her knees hurt the floor, but while she was down there, she said a prayer and did what she's always been taught - get up and keep standing. That she returned to the talented player she is after that was an added Blessing. But seeing my kid pick herself up, lift her chin and be who she was raised to be - was everything. And I was so proud of her. When she played lights out ball for the rest of the tournament, I was just so happy for her.

Today, we watched her take the floor again but for her college's JV team. Games coaches play really has damaged her love of playing. She has one more game in their little season and then she'll turn in her jersey, and we'll see if she'll ever pick it up again. Right now, this might be it for her - but wherever her path leads, we'll still be in the stands - cheering her on and loving her every step of the way. All of us.