Developing His Own Social Context

Day Four:  31 for 21: Blogging to bring Awareness and Acceptance

It’s funny, where my son goes to school is one of the best schools in our town, or so everyone tells me, but he goes to a different school on those school grounds.  Weird right?  When we moved back to the area in 2015, they told me that there were no pre-school openings in our city, that Bradley would have to go to another city for two and half months and then switch back to our city for Kindergarten.  But the principal we had back then for the County was actually a really nice man to us and offered to put Bradley in their District program here in our town to finish the school year as a Pre-K kiddo and then start his Kindergarten year in the same classroom.  His classroom is K through 3, now he is in First grade, we’re talking serious looping if you get lucky enough to keep the same teacher in there.  I think they had four before Bradley ever showed up. 

Our new District principal is a good guy, but he’s new and out to prove himself.  I try to remind myself that he is a bit sarcastic and that he truly does have our kids’ best interest at heart.  But some days are harder than others.  The school principal; however,  is the biggest jerk I have ever met.  He actually has a disability himself and yet is dismissive and arrogant towards our kids and us parents.   Maybe he thinks our kids are soft, maybe he just doesn’t like me in general.  Maybe he can’t stand that we have to walk through their office and get a pass in order to pick up our children at the end of the day.   His level of cranky far surpasses either of my girls first thing in the morning – and dear God, that is quite a feat!  I held the door open for another mom and kiddo in Bradley’s class and he stepped in between, walked through and didn’t say a word.  My: “A thank you wouldn’t kill you” falling on indifferent ears.

The other day, Bradley helped his teacher carry the lunch folder to the office.  When they got there, they dropped it off and then he reached out to take the hand of one of the Secretary’s and pulled her with him.  When I went to pick him up, she saw me and started smiling and laughing and said: “You’re little boy is something.  He came and took my hand and wanted me to walk with him, and who was I to say No, so I went and he held my hand all the way back to his classroom.  He’s so cute.”  I smiled at her, thanked her, and walked off wondering what the Hell she was talking about.  I had to read Bradley’s communication journal to get the rest of the story, (our new principal doesn’t want us talking to the staff anymore, everything through the journals now)  telling me that he helped with the lunch folder, and helped put all the goal boxes away and just had a really great day.  Now, when I walk through the Secretaries say Hi, etc and Bradley’s new friend calls me Hon and always makes a point to exchange sentences with me.   Good job Bradley, way to melt some of the ice around the castle. 

But that’s the way it always is, maybe I have to be his voice when it comes to IEP meetings, advocacy and medical…but in areas that require kindness and compassion, he doesn’t need my voice, he doesn’t need his voice.  In this all important area of life, he needs no words.  He just needs to BE.

Six months ago, he was a very shy little boy, he could be coaxed to maybe give you knuckles, but he didn’t want to look you in the eye and he definitely didn’t want anyone touching him but the family.  But then he started to mature and develop in a big rush, and before I knew what hit me, I walked up to get him at school and watched him hug and then crawl into the lap of a mom that was waiting for her daughter to come out of his class.  From then on, it has been more eye contact, more fist pumps and high fives…and more hugging.  We couldn’t figure it out and to this day I wasn’t sure, but sometimes insight will strike out of nowhere and leave you going…ahhhh…. And figuring it all out as you sit and type writing a daily blog post.  Thinking this through I think I get it now. 

The local Community pool offered Adaptive swim lessons last year.  Two week sessions, Mon, Tues, Wed for twenty five minutes.  Bradley loves water so off we went.  The first night, he never made it off the first step.  The second night, five minutes before class ended he went into the Instructor’s arms.  The third night, I had Dad hand him to the Instructor from poolside.  No looking back from there.  We got excitement and joy, and we got more words.  We also typically missed a week of each lesson to be sick.  But every time he was healthy enough to go, he would sit until it was time, then we he was told he could go; he would get up and walk to the edge of the pool, he went from being picked up and brought in to sort of a jump/fall in.  He has gotten so used to having different swim Instructors in his favorite arena that now he is more interested in people, what they are doing and how they are interacting with him. 

Along the way, he’s had his Service Dog in training growing up with him, and he loves to hug her.  I know, I know, dogs don’t like to be hugged…but this one doesn’t seem to mind all that much, especially if she can get a few licks in.  Bradley usually has his hands in his mouth constantly and always smells and (I believe tastes like) Vanilla Pediasure so it’s on his hands and shirt, so let’s be honest here…for Sheba he’s like a yummy vanilla flavored treat, all the time.  So, she likes him.  Anyway, combine these things and the general, he’s growing up, and Bradley is ready for Social interaction.  He’s ready for people now.  He is reaching out for the kind of social context he is comfortable in, and if you are within his preferred circle, then you are golden.   At a recent family birthday party, he walked up to people I knew and people I didn’t for hugs.  I think he actually sought out certain people because he would get a hug and then walk away.  My cousin was ecstatic when Bradley went to him for a hug.  He’s quite possibly Bradley’s biggest fan only surpassed by the love our Midwife has for Bradley, but he hardly sees him so getting to a point where Bradley is willing to come and love on him when they do get together…yeah, that was pretty cool.

This is the thing about Acceptance.  Everyone has to be ready, not just the world around Bradley, but Bradley has to be ready to accept you.  One monumental step at a time, trivial to most, taken for granted…but that which most take for granted are usually the greatest triumphs and causes of joy in our house!