Day 28: Blogging for Down Syndrome Awareness in the 31 For 21 Challenge
With Bradley's Physical always come the inevitable blood work. We hate blood work, for us, for him, for the tech who has to draw it. When he is required to have blood draws you do it and you hold your breath until you get that phone call from the doc. Once a year we have to make sure that Bradley's doing okay with his thyroid medication, that his Keppra titration level is okay, his white blood cell count is where it should be...all so we can take a deep breath, sigh with relief and go about our business for the next year. We do the full panel, we look at blood, amino acids, kidney function, liver function, vitamin D, titration of his meds, and any scary stuff like Leukemia. At six years old, Bradley is supposedly past the worst years of potential diseases like Leukemia, so I find that I relax a whole lot more than I used too, but deep down I always have this quiet fear that my lack of worry could be an invitation to fate for something horrible to happen.
But here's my defense. Right after I had Sydney I was having some trouble with what would turn out to be my heart. And if you don't believe that angels walk among us, let me give you this story to renew your faith. Eric was deployed, left the day after our Anniversary. The girls and I were staying with a relative while our house was being built. Buying a house is stressful, doing so with your other half a world away is stressful, and taking care of two kids ages 3 and eighteen months with very little of their needs at hand...stressful. Let's just say I was under a bit of pressure, I don't know, let's call it stress. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge... I went to the local gym, I couldn't commit to long term, and I had very little money to spend, but needed a break to relieve some stress. 😉 See the theme?
One of the nicest people I have ever met was the Manager, he listened to what I had to say, and frankly, I think he felt sorry for me. He had a couple kids at home the girls' age, and a wife to help out everyday. So for a nominal fee, he gave me a number of workouts with a trainer, the second nicest person I would meet there, and that gave me access to work out in the gym any time I wanted, with or without the trainer. The kicker was the childcare availability. Hurray!! Unfortunately, Sydney was a bit of a shy girl, and it would take me quite a bit of time to get to the gym part. But I mentioned that these were the nicest people right, well...one day, I walked up to the childcare area and was surprised to see that the manager was sitting in the middle of the play area on a chair, with my baby on his lap, making her smile and keeping her occupied. The lady working smiled at me, "She started crying and wouldn't stop, he came in and sat with her to calm her down so you could finish your workout." Gratitude is a beautiful thing, even when you can barely express it around the lump in your threat. So Sydney loved him, and he'd spend a part of my time at the gym helping out in the play area when we there.
So off I went to work. I'd be doing great until I stopped for water, then I would get really light headed. Happened twice so it was time to ask questions, once we got moved I did. It was one of those situations where someone was supposed to call me and no one did, so there I was talking to my Cardiologist who starts talking about Mitral Valve Prolapse, "But you knew about that." Me: "Um, nope." The doc was surprised and explained how the valve was not closing all the way, and now it was letting some blood flow backwards. "It's pretty common." Succinct and matter of fact. Me: "Okay." Doctor a little surprised: "You're taking this very well." Me: "Well Doc, you didn't call me, you said it's common and you don't seem concerned so why would I be?" So, I Dumbfounded the doc, and then we moved forward. But don't worry, I did what I was told, it seemed to get better, and I even just had it checked specifically recently and it's so mild it's barely detectable. Go me.
Now, that's strictly to explain why it is that I wait for bad news the way I do. Until a doc tells me otherwise, I wait. I may bandy things around with Eric or someone close, but I don't call the doc and start asking is it A, B or C? I let them tell me, then I ask what it is if I don't know. Bradley's doctors might be thinking I am one cold mom, it's all very clinical and precise. I take notes and I work on making all the connections necessary so I can try to understand how A leads to B, and how to explain it to Eric if he isn't with us. I listen on the phone or in person, and I take it all in, sometimes I ask for it a second time when the news is bad...sometimes I have to hear it twice - like I don't believe what I heard the first time, or couldn't get my head to process it right. Like with any trauma, our brain will detour or shut down completely in order to protect us from the worst. The key is recognizing this and combatting the desire to let this happen...it makes me miss important points that are key to our ability to make the right decisions to come up with a plan. Sometimes it's all about the plan, whether it be Plan A or all the way to Plan Z. The plan keeps the world from falling apart on the worst days and keeps it smooth on the best. We always try to have a plan that can change at any moment, with enough backup plans to make sure a little juggling and we stay on the right track.
In our house, we are pretty good at coming up with lots of different plans, just in case. We're getting better and better at reading docs, even the newest ones. Bad news never comes out easy, and good news usually comes out with a sigh... Sighs are always best!!! And through it all, the angels you meet on the way are the ones that make sure a little light shines in the toughest days and a little love guides you on your way. It's been ten years, but the angels that briefly inhabited my life then, still have a positive affect on me today as I will never forget their kindness, their determination to somehow make my life better, their gift to me. Thank God for the angels that flutter in and out of my life!!!
Happy Friday night all! Have a great weekend!
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