Day Four of the "31 For 21 Blog Challenge"
I feel like I've moved Bradley under microscope. It's as if I believe I can unwrap his puzzle and somehow make sense of what is happening with him. Poor kid, he can't sniffle without my head coming up and I swear my ears are perking...perhaps you can picture a dog getting the scent of something impossible not to chase...yeah, I probably look like that. I'm back to counting every single calorie and spend more time than I choose to admit here or anywhere, trying to decide approximately how many calories he got out of that tenth of a tenth of a graham cracker he ate. His last Neurologist suggested he take B6 to help with his mood because his anti-seizure med can make him cranky. Yeah!!! Guess what, she was right on that one! Cranky is a mild term for what we get from Bradley. So I am now constantly trying to calculate how much Vitamin Water will help him get all he needs to hydrate plus get the suggested 50mg of the B6 she suggested. Although I have to say, that is a science I am determined to perfect, because this cranky kid is a stranger to me and I would really like to return to that little boy I had before March 12, 2014. Just selfish I guess.
And it gets worse, I find myself staring at his ears now...constantly wondering why he just rubbed that one on the left...and then ten minutes later he goes after the one on the right. I know that in theory he is not truly messing with me, I mean he's almost five...he really isn't that savvy that he can mess with me by playing with his ears and my mind. That being said, I think of that irritability issue from his anti-seizure medicine and have to wonder if he is feeling the effects of that and it makes him mess with his ears or if he still has an ear infection. He has suffered from four of them since our move in August. He likes to get them while he is on antibiotics as well; apparently, the sheer challenge of defeating an antibiotic is more than he can pass up. So far, he is winning in a purely I am beating the antibiotic which is not curing the pain in my ear kind of backward way...I guess you could call it a backward victory if you can use the word victory at all. I like to think of it as completely hard headed and pretty near as stubborn as one can get, but hey...my boy is nothing if not stubborn. I want to say he gets that from his Daddy, but I am also pretty sure he gets it from most of his grandparents, and maybe a pinch from me. :-)
All humor aside, the resistance to antibiotics is a constant concern. We wait till the last possible moment to introduce an antibiotic, start with the mildest and then quickly run the ladder to these ones that they start using terms like Class three or something... to which my head starts jumping in with stupid stuff like: "Sophomore Drugs? Really?" Or, "Isn't that JV, maybe we could try the Varsity to start with?" Clearly, my knowledge in this area is quite lacking to the extent that I could put what I know through the eye of a needle and still have room for thread. The good news here, I never say these things out loud. Don't get me wrong, plenty of other stupid stuff jumps out before I can stop myself, like when Bradley's pediatrician looked at me and said: "How's his hearing?" I replied, "Selective." Well, he did ask and I do believe in honesty. Then later he asked me if I had his emails, I replied, "No, I always figured you'd be afraid I'd use them." Followed by that little grin, the one that says, did I just say that out loud? Ah, by the little grin I am getting back I'm guessing yes. Look out world, someday I will be old and the tiny filter that never works on my mouth will fall off completely and then oh boy, is all I'm going to say for now! ;-)
Proof, Bradley is driving me around the bend! Give a mom with Dyscalculia ( I get numbers backwards - you might want to write any numbers you have for me, just a warning), the job to keep track of all kinds of caloric numbers and the odds are good she will be sent quickly around the bend. But even from my place on this Express, I am tracking and calculating, just trying to keep his weight at 35 pounds and not letting it drop. I'm not sure how to put all the pieces in place as yet, I may never figure it out; but I will keep plugging away until I can try to make some sense out of that which makes no sense. I figure if I keep taking in all the doctors know, and I put that all together on paper and in my head - someday, I might see an answer. I swear they are giving me the tools to do it, I think I just need them all in one place at one time to brainstorm, with us. Talking without us in the room is important and necessary...but keeping things clear about Bradley requires a parent in the room to set the record straight.
I may not like the outcomes, but it's time to start the Bradley Meetings. We all need to be on the same page and we need to do this quickly!
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