College Life

 October 9, 2020

It’s weird having a college student doing an online presence in your house. She lives in her room and sometimes comes out for a bathroom break or a desire for food. Otherwise our oldest has established her bedroom as her base camp and her dorm room.  She has LED lights around the top of her walls, she has her tv, all her electronics and most of the time she has her cat and half the other animals we own in her room too...perfect roommates.  In truth, not much different from her life in the Dorm had we been able to send her to live in the dorms at Cal Lu.  COVID restrictions have them one to a room, two to a suite.  Students in one suite are not allowed to enter the room of any other student in any other dorm including any other suite in their own building.  Infractions result in a hard talking too.  Now granted, that only happens here if she enters her sister’s room; but then some things never change, so she’s pretty used to that.  

Meals are supplied, but rarely on her desired schedule.  Breakfast is long past over by the time she leaves the dark confines of her room in the mornings/afternoons - except for that one early class she has on Tuesday mornings.  Lunch is iffy at best - like at school - it is a grab and go kind of affair.  By the time she is ready to consider her breakfast/lunch combination it’s late enough that Bradley is already getting his last class and/or therapy going so her hanging out in the kitchen’s not feasible - so she grabs it and she goes.  

She’s always called to dinner - sometimes she shows up when it’s hot, sometimes she enjoys it lukewarm, but we’re still usually having dinner together as a family.  So there is that.  

She does her own laundry.  Mostly I think that she is afraid her sister will end up with her clothes - since they are almost the same size - so she takes care of her own.  I don’t complain, I’ve been doing less for her for awhile so that someday she might survive on her own when she does decide to move out.  She’ll probably use disposable dishes, silverware, and cups because she will never keep up with her dish washing details...but hey, they’ll be sitting in her sink - not mine.  

So Madison lives in the dorm, while living in her room here at the house.  She takes the attempt to try and meet with some of her new friends up at the campus for two reasons.  She needs to make friends in college, and she needs to start feeling like her college is a second home to her.  It has taken a bit to push her out of her shell, but we think that she is starting to move herself out of feeling like she is still in High School, and starting to feel like she is a college student.  

Madison is still working at a local restaurant, hostess.  She is interacting with people and she is learning how to be successful in her first job.  And they really seem to like her, she is a people pleaser, she wants to help.  So she is really a great employee because she is really a great kid.  She is creating connections at work, but not sure she has found work friends as yet.  Though that is misleading, Madison sees everyone as a friend until they are not.  People at work are friends, they just aren’t her hang out with you outside of work friends yet.  

Just this week, she attended a Bible study group with her cousin.  A quiet little connection to each other that had never had the opportunity to grow.  But now, now they might be able to create a close connection to each other and maybe a friendship all while they are enjoying the chance to delve into their Faith.  I didn’t push the Church on the kids when they were younger because Eric and I come from completely different types of Church and finding a good balance has been hard.  Instead, we have developed, encouraged and made Faith a part of their lives every day.  We talk about Faith, we talk about God.  We talk about the Whys.  

Now, Madison is old enough for her own choices about her Faith.  And she was so excited by her Group last night, she took notes and when she came home, she shared her notes with me.  What she thought, what she felt, how she felt and how she felt it related to her and spoke to her.  It was pretty great actually.  As a parent, you can talk until you are blue in the Face, but until they are ready to listen and take the information on board, there are some areas that they just won’t take on until they are ready.  I feel like in this area, Madison is ready.  And I am thrilled. I know part of it was having a full conversation with her, but I’m a mom of a young adult starting to delve into her own life.  But the bigger part of me is thrilled that she is starting to find her Faith.  These are troubling times, having Faith is her best defense against the hardest parts of the road that lies before her - I pray for her all the time, but I pray that her Faith will be strong enough to guide her through whatever is to come.  

So how does she fit in with the family?  When she is available to be present with the family, she is completely in.  Perfect example, Friday mornings she has later classes and Bradley has early therapy.  When we get home Bradley has about an hour before he has to jump onto a private speech lesson with his school Speech pathologist. Every time we come home, she is ready to greet him.  She is waiting on the other side of the door so that when he steps into the house he is ready to step right into her arms for huge hugs with someone that greets him with an incredible level of excitement and joy.  What follows depends on his mood.  If he is overly tired, they end up on the couch as he naps beside her.  If he is pretty active, they are either watching something together on the couch, or giggling uncontrollably while they are busting a move to “Just Dance”.   It’s all super cute really.  And it isn’t just on Friday mornings, there are other random hours in her schedule throughout the week where her free time meshes with his free time and the two connect completely and joyfully.  I often find them snuggled up on her bed watching something on her tv, or she is watching something on tv and he is back to his IPad.  But he is snuggled into her and he’s pretty happy about that.

Madison is still a huge part of Bradley’s life and happiness.  He looks to her to be his ally, his best buddy, his crazy partner in crime.  She makes him giggle just by being her crazy self, and the more he laughs the more she makes him laugh until she laughs so hard she is wiping tears and he is just exhausted.  What a beautiful gift!  I do believe that the two of them will continue to share a special relationship and closeness throughout his life; Bradley (and all of us) are just Blessed that for now, her path of choice keeps her in his daily life.  Life changes pretty fast, and we know that changes will be coming down the line pretty quickly, so we’re just taking in each day as it comes.  

Madison lives her weird dorm/home existence and Bradley draws her to him as often as her free time allows.  Dad and I are just along for the ride.  We are trying to keep her grounded, even as she tries to take the foundation we laid for her and build her own foundation.  EstablishIng her way forward.  She’s a really good kid, to say we are proud of her would be an understatement.  She loves her sister (even when Sydney doesn’t want her too), she loves her parents, and she adores her brother.  Just based on that alone, everything will work itself out from there.