October 2, 2020
So I think that I may have mentioned that my kiddo has the ability to see a million good behaviors and will choose to copy the ONE bad behavior he sees. Last year, he definitely struggled when he started school, he had other kiddos in his class that had severe behavior issues and that of course was an open door for Bradley to copy and bring those behaviors home. My son; who had stopped biting, started again. The same with hitting, pinching and hair pulling. His first attempt at biting had me calling a conference with his teacher - which somehow ended up complete with teacher and therapists around a table with a behavior therapist telling us she wasn’t worried. Fast forward another couple weeks and he struck out at another student and while sitting on the floor, a peer surprised him and he reacted by trying to bite an ankle. So as his mom, I am was both horrified that he tried to bite someone’s ankle, but being the me that is me - I was also horribly struck with the giggles of the image of my son’s face on a small chihuahua trying to gnaw on random people’s ankles.
Regardless of how much therapy I probably need for my sense of humor issues, I accepted that it was up to me as the adult and a parent to try to find the answer for my son’s behavior and attempt to make him safer at school by sending him with better behavior. Our last attempt at behavior therapy was a horrible experience and a horrible mistake; so I was not overly excited to get started again and had been dragging my feet until that second biting attempt. At that point I picked up my feet, swallowed my discomfort and got the wheels in motion to start Behavior Therapy.
They told me my son was the equivalent of a three year old - and I am not going to lie to you here, there is nothing worse to hear than having that conversation with someone when they are pointing out all the failures your child has and all of the areas he falls short in...and telling you that on paper he wouldn’t survive at nine years old in a Kindergarten classroom’s academics. I left that meeting and drove numbly to pick up my little boy and take him to his Speech and Feeding Therapy. His therapist and I always had some check in time with each other after and we discussed Bradley’s results at ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis). I walked in numb, but I walked out warm and hopeful.
You see, I forgot how much the group of therapists that help him with his Speech, Feeding and Occupational Therapy absolutely and completely love my son. While we spoke, I could see the shifting of emotion from the frustration that I felt and they shared, to the determination that what some test had deemed his areas of failure would not remain areas of failures for my son because they weren’t going to allow that.
Not many weeks later, I would have a phone conversation with Bradley’s principal. Eric and I felt that It would be beneficial to have part of his therapy hours at school to help Bradley learn to transition and mitigate some of the behavior problems that we kept being told about. Bradley’s teacher was all for it, but then she was always open to what would help Bradley and would help her in the classroom. I would learn in one three minute conversation that Bradley’s principal wasn’t interested in what was best for Bradley, telling me No before we ever discussed the issues and what needs to change for Bradley. So he told me, “No, we can’t do that.” To which I said, “Well, when you present me with the problem and I put all the pieces in place to help my son and make him successful at school it is ridiculous to me that you would refuse to even consider what is best for my son and would help Bradley navigate his day at school successfully.” There was silence in the pause and then he told me he needed to speak to Bradley’s teacher to which I said, “You do that. You know how to reach me.”
My next action was to speak to all his therapists to devise a plan. Within weeks I would be sitting with the owner of the Therapy Center, and we would be devising a plan to help me get what Bradley needed at school. She would contact a Behaviorist and Advocate that she paid to come to our house and go over some Behavior parts for home, a plan for the way to implement positive reinforcement at school, and her plan to be a part of our next IEP so that we could get Bradley a One on one aide at last.
I was taking Bradley to Behavior therapy four days a week. Because Bradley likes to avoid work by closing his eyes and taking a nap, we went to the center for work to try to build a rapport with a therapist before we tried the in home therapy. Meanwhile, I tried to keep him healthy enough to go and for each time he was sick (the little guy had pneumonia at one point) I was always reminded of their practice’s policy for missing appointments etc., etc. I finally looked at the lady that came out every time to tell me that if she brought her form out to me one more time I wouldn’t bring Bradley back at all. I reminded her that as an adult with a College degree I actually do know how to read and I can comprehend the paperwork I signed and that I would not be changing the means by which I take care of my son and want I have to do for him.
After that, things seemed to calm down at therapy and they started working with me. Listening to me as I explained what Bradley needed to navigate his day successfully, and finally getting them on board with what I need to do to get the school in line too. Our relationship changed completely, and perhaps not unexpected, they too became quite enamored with my son and whenever that bond starts to grow, things begin to blossom in Bradley’s world.
But then COVID hit and the world of Zoom reared its ugly head. All the strides forward fell off and the behaviors really started to exacerbate. Turns out my guy is not a fan of Zoom. Stunning I know. And me taking hits to the head with his milk cup leaves me less of a fan as well. Suddenly we were juggling, four days of Behavior therapy for two hours each over Zoom, three days a week of Zoom OT and then Speech, and three days a week for his classroom and one for school speech. A house full of people and where every day should have felt like a weekend, it was not to be. Our weekends were imperative for a chance to sit back and breath, to not put any demands on Bradley for just a bit and give us all a chance to relieve some of the stress.
I’m happy to say that Bradley returned to in person therapies at the Center for Speech, OT, and Feeding therapies in June. And about the same time, we started in home Behavior therapy two and a half hours a day, four days a week. You guys, Bradley is doing amazing right now. We didn’t change any of his therapy when school started, so he only does one Zoom with class one day a week and we compromise that on his non-therapy days we attempt two, but it’s usually one. They wanted twelve zooms a week, we offer four and those I have to bribe him to sit through. The way his world his blooming right now, I think we are doing the right thing. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the efforts to provide some sort of education...but the reality is that for my kid, digital delivery will never be an answer for him.
These are trying times and it is only getting more difficult with each passing day. Stay healthy and stay safe, about the only things we can hope for each day!
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