The Path Ahead.

 October 15, 2020

I understand that life is about changing, but I am have found that I cannot seem to wrap my mind around change.  I know that we have quite a bit of changes headed in our direction as each day passes and the girls continue to grow.  And everyday, I try to wrap my brain around the truth of all that.  The girls are headed towards bright futures and amazing twists and turns that will open a world as bright and beautiful as each of them.  Madison is looking to try to understand her world and her place in it.  She is trying to determine what her future should truly open up to be, we only hope that she chooses the best path for herself that leads to as much happiness in her life and her career choice as is possible for her to have.  I try to help her keep her thoughts focused more on what she is hoping for from her life and not constantly wondering how she can start her future somewhere near us, near her brother.  She constantly worries about not being around should something happen to her brother or her dad.  We are trying to help her be brave enough to let us go and accept that transportation is available that will get her home if necessary.  And that life is what it is, and the truth of the matter will always remain that we cannot control what happens in our life when it comes to the health of someone we love.  

Sydney will be an interesting firebrand probably her whole life.  She vacillates between her interests and spends her days trying to decide what the future will hold for her.  She is not certain if she wants to go into medicine, or the military and then medicine...or if photography will be the way forward for her.  It is all quite interesting to sit on the sidelines and be her biggest cheerleader as she tries to move forward and choose the path that will bring her the greatest fulfillment in all areas of her life.  Though she is quite loving and attached to her brother, she is also not the oldest, so she does have some separation from the weight of being the responsible older sister, just as she is closer to her brother’s age so that she is more closely aligned to Bradley as his playmate.  Theirs is a different relationship altogether.  

The truth is, the future for them will be a continuous surprise to us as they move forward.  Eric and I are fully aware that the days are coming when we will be a threesome.  He, Bradley and I.  Five to six months ago, this prospect had me in quite a state of agitation.  The idea of Bradley and all his behaviors and tantrums had left us in such dismay most of each day, our future with him was really becoming concerning.  While I studied Behaviors, and I concentrated on trying to understand the ins and outs of how to React and not Respond to his behavior, I was also learning how to try to judge and then try to prevent the bulk of his tantrums by preventing the behaviors that would keep him from falling into tantrums.  What a crazy whirlwind of a circle. 

Therapy has helped Bradley to learn to be flexible; how to practice coping skills and mostly, he is learning that work does not always mean that there is no chance to move onto the things that he enjoys and wants.  So for once, change has turned out to offer a strange opportunity for a positive change in our house.  Bradley will still voice his protests to our requests, but he is also not as likely to turn to a raging tantrum that threatens his health and safety.  It is a win to be honest, he is safer and happening, and to me that is everything.  He still has rough spots in his days, but then we never asked for the rough spots to be removed completely; more like, we are merely hoping to figure out the pieces of Bradley to work on putting the puzzle together. We have learned so much about how to help Bradley and how to help him be a happier and calmer little boy with all the bright and wonderful prospects that lie ahead for him in the future.  Ours will not be a road of roses and rainbows, it will just be a road, and it will be a life - a very good life that we will spend together, wherever it will lead.  The girls are going to flit in and out of our lives like butterflies, or hummingbirds even, too quick to catch, too beautiful to ignore, and too wonderful not to sit back and admire how amazing they are to see.  

And as a mom, I feel the love and the sadness that comes with the loss and the gains that comes with my babies growing up.  The ones that will leave the nest and the one that most likely will not.  And in the end, they each hold my heart equally, and they each will always have a safe place to land.  I may not agree with all their choices; but if they can refrain from murder and mayhem, I will always be here to love them unconditionally...even on the days they are driving me crazy...which seems to be a daily thing.  So some things actually never do change.  Hmmm...