Juxtaposition

Juxtaposition  - the fact of two things being seen or placed close together with contrasting effect.  

Juxtaposition, I love the word, it sort of sings off my tongue and rattles around inside my head...yeah I know, a lot of space in there.  It's been repeating itself to me lately and I didn't realize it, I didn't realize I was using it to align my thoughts.  I didn't realize that I was living it.  

I was thinking of the blog challenge, I was thinking of topics and my list for ideas got a little out of hand which I am prone to do and I began to feel a little pressure.  Then the government shut down and Eric walked in the door furloughed and I felt a whole other world of pressure start...a powder keg of pressure waiting for the ultimate explosion.  Pressure.  

We are no stranger to pressure, we are no stranger to juxtaposition...try saying it...fun right? ;-)   Bradley's very existence is built on this idea: two ideas with contrasting effect.  Am I proud of that?  No.  But do I recognize it for what it is?  I do.  

From the start it has been this for him.  There is an instant in your life when you look back and you can kind of see that moment when the life you knew, became the life you have.  That moment when you can see now, where the cart went flying off the track and veered into uncharted territory.  And yeah, sure...a kind person can holler at you "Save yourself, take the wheel, take back control!"  But if they were in the cart with you they would notice what you've come to realize...um, there's not a wheel to take, and the brake lever just broke off in my hand!  Looking back to see this moment, I could be wrong about this...but it might have been the Melanoma issue when I was pregnant with Bradley.  Not the cancerous part of it, more like the placement, in the center of my back which would lead to the placement problem of the epidural during labor with Bradley...which leads to the juxtaposition... painful labor on one half of my body, no feeling on the other.  How's that for almost, sort of, Natural childbirth?  Yeah, not even close...those moms...truly epic on the heroic scale.  

But that feeling of no control, that feeling of the cart screaming down the track without brake or wheel...that feeling never stopped for us.  We have had a couple of straightaways and minor hills to slow us from ending in a fiery crash...but there is no guide on this journey.  If I had a worse memory problem than what I currently have we could call it a day and you could call me "Sam" and Eric could be my voice of reason, "Al"...and you'd have watched us on TV in "Quantum Leap" but we're here instead, muddling through.  

So here's the news: Bradley has an extra chromosome...  

The Bad news: he has digestive issues.  The Good news: He's learning to eat.

The bad: He doesn't learn as fast.  The good: He has his own timeline and it's ok. 

The bad: He's non-verbal.  The good: His voice is in his hands, and he has a lot to say.  Oh and the words?  They're slowly coming...it's still his timeline.  

The bad: He's been really sick, I mean like super sick.  The good: His Will, our Will, the Will of his Dr.s - together, we keep fighting back.  No one gives up, no one turns away from the challenges, together we always work out the best way to bring him back to healthy.  

So Bradley has Down syndrome.  We held this tiny baby boy who was so perfect it hurt your heart to look at him, with his deep soul touching blue eyes that quietly asked for your love and his perfect little expression that made spotting the physical aspects of Down syndrome like a game of peek-a-boo...he had all these things, and he had the extra chromosome.  Surely if they could coincide together in one little baby...they could coincide in our life.  And, they do.  Some could argue that we made the best of it because he as here, we couldn't send him back...but everyone has choices.  No one suggested that we do anything but take him home and love him, others were not so lucky - so supported... Contrast.  No one came out and said they thought he would be a burden; in fact, we were told to wait and see, that he would "amaze us", and he does.  Contrast.  No one said it would be easy, which is good because it is not easy.  But then raising the girls is not easy.  But anything worth doing should be work, you should have to work so that in the end the result is something to be proud of.  To paraphrase Art Miller: "I never said it would be easy, I said it would be worth it."  

Today, Bradley is fighting very hard to stay healthy and awake at night (seriously: 2 am to 5 am stints, what is up with that?) and I know that he is doing that to take the pressure off of us as we try to deal with the pressure of a government shutdown on a one income family.  My job is to be preventive in the bad health area, I don't get paid in money...but in each hour, each day that Bradley is healthy.  These days I wish I had a full time job to make up the huge whole in our budget, but I also know that while Bradley is too fragile for school, he is way too fragile to attempt daycare.  So we're going to tighten the seat belts in this cart, duck our heads and hold on for dear life and pray that there is a straightaway coming soon to keep us on the tracks.  Maybe we can get a little Blessed with a hill to slow this thing down and help right the ship.  I wanted to point out the contrast in this last idea, but better leave it vague...Bradley likes to challenge me.  

Maybe the dictionary should just put a picture of us next to the definition of Juxtaposition, we seem to live it.  And well, I do love to say it, that should have some weight don't you think?