It's really hard to learn patience, and harder to muster patience when you're tired and frustrated. I have brilliant children. Madison and Sydney are so incredibly smart, I don't even know where to truly begin to explain it. They are both smart beyond their years so that they are not always capable of the maturity and correct emotion to apply to all that they understand.
A perfect example, Sydney came out of her room last night to interrupt "The Walking Dead" (we had to pause and change the channel cause it was mid-Zombie attack...talk about those nightmares). Anyway, she suddenly was terrified about Halloween. Her words: "Seems to me that Halloween is the perfect time for someone to snatch a child, so I think I don't want to go out on Halloween night."
Eric tried to tease her with the knowledge that no trick or treating brings no candy...but that didn't phase her. So this was a serious concern of hers and it was keeping her awake. Now we have the serious talk with her. I pointed out to her that we never let her and sister go out alone, that we are always standing at the edge of the sidewalk watching and waiting for her and her sister to come back down the walk. And, if Bradley is willing to walk a bit, one of us is standing with him, with both of them, at the door. We could get closer but not without letting the world see what overprotective hovering parents we truly are and really, honestly, try not to be. And then I mentioned that I thought it wasn't a great night for it because there ARE so many parents out and about, there are so many people out and about and everyone is watching each other and watching the kids. We are more vigilant because we worry that someone will take the opportunity to do something terrible.
It used to be I was worried someone was going to jump out and scare me on a harmless prank...and then I had kids, and now I look to make sure someone doesn't scare them too bad...or worse...reach out and grab them. But these are things I never tell my kids...I don't plant these things in their minds because it keeps Sydney awake at night. But TV likes to make sure they think of this stuff, and so do books. So as soon as you think you are being a good parent by limiting the TV, they come out just as freaked out because they read that book about the thing, and... well you get the idea. So while I am trying to ease the fears of my nine-year-old, I am also trying to muster the patience to teach them both something important.
Cooking. I'm trying to let them into the kitchen with me to cook more. And I know I just told you that they are brilliant, and they are...but sometimes the common sense gene skips a generation... or at least checks out for a few hours at a time. So cooking with them is like taking a walk on the wild side, always. You ask them to stir and they do...hard enough to send it all out of the bowl. Gentle, turns out they barely touch the food in the bowl. Half the time I spend trying to figure out how best to explain to them how to perform a task because they are both so literal and precise...which is great for cooking but difficult to explain in the kitchen.
Still, Madison tackled Meatloaf last night, and Sydney tackled Tamale Pie tonight. Being older, Madison got the more hands on meal that after a few times she can create on her own. She also created mashed potatoes and cooked a vegetable. Sydney sauteed onions and stirred the meat, then she got to put the cornbread together for the top; Mom did most of the heavy lifting here. But as much as it was frustrating at times to search through every brain cell I had to find the right way to explain to them what I needed or how I needed them to perform a task, they were quite good at it. The true lesson was for me actually. It was a lesson in letting go. You see I forget that nine times out of ten a kid will eat whatever she helps make, if it's not perfect to the adult palate it's truly okay because it's okay to their nine and eleven year old taste buds. And so on... So, maybe Madison's meatloaf had way more garlic than anyone wants in their meatloaf, but it still looked, felt, and tasted like meatloaf, albeit a more garlicky rendition. And sure Sydney's cornbread turned out horrible, but through no fault of her own, I think (never buying that brand again!). She followed the directions on the mix and from Mom, but it just didn't turn out well in the end. But here's the funny thing about it all. Last night, Madison had two helpings of meatloaf and tonight, Sydney had two helpings of tamale pie. And looking back, I realize that the spaghetti that Madison made last Thursday, they both had two helpings of that even though it was a little blander than what I would normally go for. So perhaps the picky one is me, not the girls at all - or perhaps they just want to eat their own creations. Perhaps mom's days in the kitchen are numbered??? Wishful thinking aside, maybe a bit premature, but what isn't is me letting go of the need to make sure that everyone loves dinner. After striving so hard to make it taste perfect, I realize that sometimes perfect means different things to different people. When the girls make dinner it's perfect because they got to make it. When I make dinner, it's perfect because Bradley ate some of it and the girls ate all of their meal. To me that's awesome, and if someone walks away without despising her sister, then it's been an even better night.
Right now life continues to be about what I can control not what I cannot. Bradley is not doing super great, but he is doing okay and I control everything that goes in his mouth. I desperately keep track of everything he can and cannot have; every bite he takes has a calorie count and I keep a general tally in my head because tracking every single one was driving me crazy. So here's the tough part, there are only certain ways that he will eat certain foods...so I have to find a way to give the girls reins to make every meal an adventure as they learn to master this world of cooking, while keeping enough the same to keep him eating.
Two nights a week I have to have a safe and viable Plan B for Bradley's meal in a way that neither girl figures out what I'm doing. I also have to learn all I can from these sessions with them and retain it all so that when Bradley is old enough to help me cook I'll be ready. Because this is what I know, no matter how much I struggle with this, I will master this with the girls and with Bradley because all three will know how to take care of themselves out in the world. It doesn't matter if they wear all pink socks and eat super garlic laden food...the point is that they will survive on their own. From Madison to Sydney to Bradley...these birds are going to leave this nest and make their way in the world without me, I believe it so that is what we are working towards. I wouldn't mind the birds hanging out at the nest as much as possible...so I intend to make sure that cooking gets much better with all three of them! ;-)
Awareness, then Acceptance and that will encourage Independence! Day 14 of the Challenge settles into the books! Now to see how my Chargers are doing on Monday Night Football...talk about challenges! ;-)
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