I had always hoped that my girls would be so close that I would come in to find them snuggled up together in the same bed by choice. Or that they would seek out each other if the nightmares struck. Maybe they would sneak out of their bed to find each other for a night of quiet (or not so quiet) giggles and easy comfort.
Um, nope. Can't honestly believe I typed that without laughing.
When we got to Japan we stayed in a hotel for almost two months. They HAD to share a bed, they fought that like crazy and they were only two and four. It was so bad that we ended up making a comfy pallet on the floor that Madison slept on, Sydney tried it one night then determined that the bed; while not as cool, was much more comfortable. I knew right then that they were never going to gravitate to each other. When we moved into town, they each had their own room, but Madison's had a skylight that was right above her bed, so she was up with the rising sun and cranky soon after. Plus, her room was very cold. Turned out that Sydney's room was smaller, and held the heat. We set up Sydney's crib, because our pediatrician told me to keep her in there as long as possible. Smart guy. Anyway, with the steep, slick wooden stairs in our beautiful Japanese house, yeah... I wanted to have a shot at hearing her moving around before she had a chance to fall down the stairs or something. She wasn't crawling out then so we were good. In fact, the movers were kind enough to put her crib together after unpacking it, no sooner had I put a sheet on her mattress, She saw her bed and from changing table and pointed to it...I put her in and she slept for five hours in a nap and still went to bed her usual time. Yikes! She missed her bed. Also in her room was a twin bed. I made the bed up, but when I found the flannel sheets, I stripped the bed to put those on, Madison watched me, helped me enough to know that these were really soft sheets and really warm. The next morning I found her sleeping here. The desire for warmth overcame the prestige of her own room. Makes me want to put an ice blower outside the door of their current room.
On base they shared for a little while, but then we separated them. And since then they have been in and out of each other's room constantly. For now they share. And for now they continue to fight each other. Eventually, I think they will take away valuable lessons from this experience, I just don't know if they will be about tolerance or about how to beat your roommate and get what you want. All good life lessons in the long run I suppose.
But there is a new element to this witches brew. A couple weeks ago, Bradley woke up and when he bailed his room he found himself in the middle of their room. He cried out and Madison turned over saw him, held out her arms and said: "Come here." He did, and when I went in search of him, I love that I found them sound asleep, back to back in her bed. Total "Ahhh" moment, I had wondered what that would feel like. Finally some loving and snuggling!
Then about a week ago, again I went in search of the missing Bradley...hey I told you, our camera situation sucks. Anyway, turns out he had tracked down Sydney. So he was sprawled at the end of her bed sound asleep while she was curled up in the fetal position at the top of her bed. So yeah, maybe no snuggle, cuddle points...but I was still pretty excited that he was there with her. And not for the obvious reasons, me getting to sleep a little more than usual, but because he looks to them to provide him comfort, and he trusts them to take care of him. That in and of itself is quite a gift to give and to receive. So yeah, that made me super happy.
As for my girls, they liked having him there. But they would rather have their phones taken away rather than turn to each other for comfort and support. They'd probably agree to let you take all their electronics before they would hold on to each other. But as sad as it makes me and worries me about their adult relationship... I realize that there is a process and a path they have to take in order to get where they are going. Their adult relationship will or will not be, but that will be for them to determine and for them to work at and fight for if they want it. I think they will each try to stay close to their brother, I wasn't sure before, but as they grow my confidence in that...yeah, I feel good about those future relationships. And I think because of Bradley, they will have kinder, more genuine people in their lives, or at least I really hope that that is the way things go.
For now, I enjoy finding two out of three of my kids snuggled up together. And I feel great joy that Bradley is so comfortable with each of them. I wish it were me doing something right, but it's not me, it's just a little Bradley magic doing some great work!
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