October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month!!! 31 Blogs for 21! Let the Journey Continue!
There is always the wonder about Inclusion. Will Bradley ever be included in other classes...would he be able to take part in a General Ed classroom and be successful? And by successful, I'm not laying a lot of hope in him passing Calculus...I didn't take Calculus and barely passed Trigonometry. So no big huge fantasies here. Once the girls hit Trig, I might be better now because I did get better in College, but I think I will have to hire a tutor - I got virtually nothing.
Anyway, as Bradley's mom I try really hard to keep up with the research, to know what is going on out there, to be mindful of all the advice given and temper what I know and what I learn with what Bradley needs and what is most helpful for him. At the same time, I try hard to turn off that instinct to feel like I am not doing enough or that perhaps he isn't where he should be because all these other kids are "fully included" in their grades. For the most part I think "good for them." For the rest, I think: don't judge those of us walking a slightly different path. Health has been Bradley's stumbling block. Verbal has been his stumbling block.
When all these wonderful (enter sarcasm font here) assessments happen it is never with the intent to say all he can do, it is always with the intent of all he cannot do. What he cannot do are the areas that therapies and extra helps come in. I know this in my heart and I get this in my head...but there is always a part of my brain that balks at the labeling that puts him somewhere near toddler in age because he cannot talk to you with his mouth. He knows what you are saying and he can use his signs and understands yours...because you cannot sign back does not mean that he is not communicating...and yet he gets a low developmental age score because of it. Rebellion and revolt are what come to mind, but humility and acceptance are what win. Patience...which is not a close friend of mine, is trying to sit beside me and guide me through all this. Letting Bradley grow into school is the only option I can see at the moment, I want him to have independence and quality of life, that can't happen if he never leaves the Special Ed class. Will he have a horrible life if he doesn't leave? No, or at least I don't think so. I think just smaller, and I think he'll let me know if that's the life he wants; but he has to know how to live amongst others that are not as genetically enhanced as he is. ;-)
And I'm not going to lie and say I know he can succeed in a regular Kindergarten classroom, the answer is I just don't know. But here's the thing about all this...it kind of feels like all or nothing. You either have total Faith your kid can do it and go for it...or you aren't so sure and have to slowly get there. Very few teachers are stepping forward and saying: "You want inclusion? Bring him in, let's help him find his way here." Too much work. Sure, lots of teachers love having disabled kids for the lessons it teaches their class...but a lot, just shuffle them to the side and no meaningful inclusion actually happens. If his time is meaningful, then I am want him there...but if it's so the teacher and school feels better because they are so great with disabled kids and so in touch...yeah, not so much.
Believe it or not, my son has a whole bunch to teach you. The question is, who wants to reach out and take a lesson? The bigger question is this: How do I know that he is ready and capable to take on this very frightening world of Inclusion? I want the world for him, I want everything wonderful that he can achieve in his world...huh, I want the same greatness for him that I want for his sisters. Do I expect him to fly across the Milky Way with Sydney, or Be the Lawyer, or Doctor or Pre-School Teacher or whatever Madison decides on? No, each kid has their own path, and if I am lucky two out of three will be home for the Holidays...(let's face it, Sydney has the potential for a really long commute) I have to be realistic. ;-)
As much as Bradley is a day by day journey; trying to keep the girls grounded in today while helping them dream and plan for tomorrow, is proving just as difficult. Life gets interesting when you have told your kids that no dream is too far if you work hard enough. Life gets more interesting when they start to believe you. So Bradley dear heart, it's time you start believing just like your sisters: No dream is too far if you work hard enough, because I believe in you too. We'll jump into the General swarm when Dad and I know you're ready and you'll start swimming and continue growing. Always, you'll continue to just be who you are meant to be.
That being said, if my Holiday numbers just dropped by one more I am not going to be happy!
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